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RA776  B67  Side-steppinq  ill  he 


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.TEPPING 
LL  HEALTH 


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DWIN  F.  BOWERS 


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SIDE-STEPPING    ILL    HEALTH 


SIDE-STEPPING 
ILL  HEALTH 


BY 


EDWIN    F.    BOWERS,   M.D, 


NON-REFEKf 


CQWVAD-Q3S 


BOSTON 
LITTLE,   BROWN,   AND    COMPANY 

1916 


Copyright,  igi6, 
By  Little,  Brown,  and  Company. 


All  rights  reserved 
Published,  March,  19 16 


\  ^,  1 74 


VotisooU  Press 

Set  up  and  electrotyped  by  J.  S.  Gushing  Co.,  Norwood,  Mass.,  U.S.A. 

Presswork  by  S.  J.  Parkhill  &  Co.,  Boston,  Mass.,  U.S.A. 


CONTENTS 


Chapter 
I. 

Eating  to  Live         .          , 

Page 
I 

II. 

The  Sluggard  Bowel 

20 

III. 

Colds  and  their  Causes    . 

32 

IV. 

Why  are  Coughs  ?  . 

•       47 

V. 

That  Tired  Feeling 

.       66 

VI. 

Why  does  a  Head  Ache  ? 

>        87 

VII. 

The  Demon  of  Insomnia  . 

.       98 

VIII. 

The  Screaming  Nerve 

120 

IX. 

Side-Stepping  Stoutness     . 

.      139 

X. 

Hair  and  Heads 

.      161 

XI. 

Rheumatism  :   The  Riddle 

182 

XII. 

Seeing  Things  Straight     . 

201 

XIII. 

Stamping  out  Typhoid 

215 

XIV. 

Children's  Diseases  . 

232 

XV. 

Where  Nature  Bungles    .          . 

256 

XVI. 

Making  Loose  Teeth  Tight 

275 

XVII. 

The  Quest  of  Beauty 

301 

XVIII. 

Push  the  Health  Button 

323 

SIDE-STEPPING   ILL 
HEALTH 

CHAPTER  I 
Eating  to  Live 

THE  first  dinner  party,  the  origin  of  all 
social  life,  was  given  by  a  gentleman 
named  Pithecanthropus  Erectus,  an  ancestor 
of  ours,  with  a  beetling  brow,  protruding 
lower  jaw,  and  long  arms  reaching  below  his 
knees.  He  was  covered  with  a  nice  thick 
coat  of  reddish  brown  hair,  which  was  very 
useful  as  well  as  ornamental  in  those  old 
days  before  they  understood  the  utility  of 
clothes. 

This  old  great-great-grandfather  surprised 
a  stag,  come  to  drink  at  a  little  pool  in  the 

I 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

forest,  directly  under  the  spreading  bough 
where  Granther  had  his  arboreal  nest.  Like 
a  thunderbolt  the  old  gentleman  dropped 
beside  the  startled  animal,  and  before  the 
deer  could  say  "Jack  Robinson"  he  deftly 
and  expeditiously  knocked  its  brains  out  with 
a  jagged  lump  of  flint,  which  he  had  fastened 
to  a  tough  club. 

Then  he  shrilled  the  call  to  "meat",  a 
call  responded  to  by  all  the  tribe  within  hear- 
ing of  that  raucous  note.  And  they  gorged 
themselves,  much  as  did  later  the  Baby- 
lonian sybarites  and  the  Roman  epicures  — • 
who  consistently  lived  to  eat.  Granther's 
Paleozoic  party  grunted  and  guzzled  its  way 
through  the  feast,  just  as  five  hundred  thou- 
sand years  afterward  Caligula  and  Elagabalus 
banqueted. 

Time  cannot  wither  nor  custom  stale  our 
dietetic  practices ;  for  nightly  a  large  propor- 
tion of  those  who  can  afford  it  —  and  many 
who  cannot  —  valiantly  eat  and  drink  their 

2 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

way  through  a  seven-course  dinner,  rising 
from  the  table  with  all  the  mental  alertness 
of  an  anaconda  that  has  just  warped  its  huge 
length  over  the  crushed  body  of  a  peccary. 
This  is  highly  commendable  in  a  snake, 
which  perhaps  eats  only  once  a  month,  but 
extremely  detrimental  to  a  human  being  who 
repeats  gastronomic  excesses  from  three  to 
five  times  a  day. 

Man,  in  common  with  all  other  animals,  is 
an  organism  built  around  a  food  tube.  Bio- 
logically considered,  he  is  nothing  but  a 
stomach  with  its  appendages,  an  organized 
group  of  organs  clustered  about  his  alimen- 
tary tract.  Yet  all  the  marvels  that  he  has 
achieved  in  social  and  economical  life,  every 
emotion  of  which  he  is  capable,  from  the 
lowest  to  the  most  exalted,  have  arisen  from 
the  primordial  desire  to  obtain  nutriment, 
the  instinct  of  self-preservation.  Even  com- 
merce, in  its  final  analysis,  means  simply 
conveying  food,  or  the  materials  that  can  be 

3 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

exchanged  for  food,  from  where  they  are 
plenty  to  where  they  are  needed. 

Small  wonder,  then,  that  for  countless  cen- 
turies man  has  prostrated  himself  before  a 
deity  so  inexorable,  a  Mumbo  Jumbo  so 
insatiable,  as  the  God  of  the  Stomach.  No 
marvel  that  he  has  declared  allegiance  to 
this  three-pint  water  bottle  of  muscle,  that 
he  has  swung  the  pendulum  so  that  instead 
of  eating  to  live  he  has  lived  to  eat. 

And,  instead  of  hiding  in  a  closet  to  in- 
dulge his  appetite,  unobserved  of  the  world, 
as  the  pessimistic  Nietzsche  advised,  he 
brazenly  flaunts  his  physical  necessities  and 
excesses,  and  makes  a  function  of  them. 

Which  leads  us  to  observe  that  humanity 
digs  its  grave  with  its  teeth.  Startling  as  it 
may  sound,  many  more  people  die  of  over- 
eating than  from  starvation.  "Anything  in 
excess  is  inimical  to  nature",  said  Hippoc- 
rates. And  this  dictum  is  recognized  by 
advanced    thinkers   and  dietists  everywhere ; 

4 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

in  fact,  the  ideas  are  being  interwoven  into 
the  proverbial  wisdom  of  the  race:  "Much 
meat,  many  maladies;"  ''More  people  are 
killed  by  supper  than  by  the  sword;" 
''Quick  to  the  feast,  quick  to  the  grave;" 
"Feastings  are  physicians'  harvests;"  and 
many  more  crystallized  out  of  our  knowledge. 

We  eat  to  be  sociable,  and  we  refrain  only 
when  we  can't  hold  any  more.  We  eat  when 
we  have  appetite ;  and  when  we  haven't, 
instead  of  waiting  for  its  normal  return,  or 
stimulating  it  by  rest,  oxygenation,  or  the 
sight  and  smell  of  agreeable  food,  we  irritate 
it  into  seeming  activity  with  a  cocktail. 
This  bears  the  same  relation  to  a  true  gastric 
stimulant  that  a  chicken  fight  does  to  garden- 
ing. 

Alcohol  creates  a  temporary  congestion  in 
the  lining  of  the  stomach,  and  also  causes  a 
slight  flow  of  gastric  juice ;  but  this  is  of  the 
same  general  plan  as  putting  a  grain  of  sand 
into  the  eye  to  stimulate  a  copious  flow  of 

5 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

tears  :  worse,  because  the  mote  of  sand  is 
readily  dislodged,  while  the  alcohol  is  ab- 
sorbed and  effects  a  considerable  lowering  of 
the  capacity  for  doing  mental  and  physical 
work. 

The  generally  accepted  idea  as  to  the 
amount  of  food  required  is  that  *'a  little  too 
much  is  just  enough."  It  ascends  from  here 
to  "stuff  in  all  you  can  hold."  We  lose  sight 
of  the  fact  that  the  system  needs  only  suf- 
ficient food  to  repair  wasted  tissue,  furnish 
energy  and  heat,  and  store  reserve  material, 
in  the  form  of  fat,  for  a  rainy  day ;  also  that 
it  is  the  amount  digested  and  assimilated, 
not  the  total  quantity  ingested,  that  should 
govern  the  size  of  the  meal  that  we  inflict 
upon  our  over-distended  stomachs. 

No  hard  and  fast  rule  can  be  laid  down 
that  will  regulate  this  matter.  Therein  the 
patient  must  minister  to  himself,  and  be  his 
own  judge,  or  executioner,  as  the  case  may 
be. 

6 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

However,  the  general  rule  might  profitably 
be  adopted  of  always  rising  from  the  table 
with  a  feeling  that,  if  the  worst  came  to  the 
worst,  one  could  be  capable  of  stowing  away 
another  *' portion"  of  pie  or  dish  of  dessert. 
This  allows  a  wide  latitude  for  variation. 
Let  appetite  tell. 

Every  one  who  can  afford  it  —  or,  let  us 
say,  every  one  who  is  willing  to  render  society 
service  in  return  —  should  be  well  nourished. 
This  does  not  mean  to  the  point  of  plethora. 
Nor  does  it  mean  "getting  up  hungry  from 
the  table  ",  which  our  extremist  friends  pro- 
mulgate as  the  be-all  and  the  end-all  of 
dietetic  philosophy ;  for  chronic  under- 
feeding is  almost  as  pernicious  as  perpetual 
gorging :  almost,  but  not  quite,  —  for  the 
Gorge  Route  is  the  most  direct  road  to  the 
undertaker. 

But,  other  things  being  equal,  the  moderate 
eater  who  gets  up  from  the  table  feeling  that 
the  last  word  has  not  yet  been  said  to  his 

7 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

stomach,  will  get  up  for  a  good  many  years 
longer  than  the  appreciative  man  who  has 
backed  his  plumply  packed  food  receptacle 
up  against  the  wall  of  his  abdominal  cavity 
and  made  it  cry  ''Hold  —  enough!" 

By  carrying  out  this  principle,  the  clerk  or 
business  man  of  sedentary  habits  can  accu- 
rately gage  just  about  how  much  more  liberal 
he  ought  to  be  to  his  hunger  when  the  results 
of  deep  breathing,  hard  tramping,  and  the 
out  of  doors  of  vacation  time  call  across  the 
wastes  of  his  famished  cells. 

The  husky,  red-faced  clubman  who  is 
better  to  his  appetite  than  he  is  to  himself 
is  much  more  likely  to  be  found  dead  in  bed, 
or  to  ''shuffle  off"  when  running  for  a  car, 
than  is  the  chap  who  takes  good  care  of  a 
nice  weak  stomach. 

That  little  Italian  nobleman  who  lived  to 
be  nearly  a  hundred  admirably  illustrates 
this  point.  He  survived  to  hold  Memorial 
Day  services  ^t  the  graves  of  all  the  wise 

8 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

doctors  who  assured  him  that  his  period  of 
sojourn  in  this  vale  of  tears  must,  because  of 
his  weak  digestive  organs,  necessarily  be 
extremely  brief.  By  omitting  those  articles 
of  diet  that  disagreed,  by  masticating  his 
food  carefully,  and  regulating  his  habits,  he 
became  almost  a  centenarian. 

Another  factor  in  dietetics  is  that  the 
stomach  has  no  teeth.  Whatever  masti- 
cating is  done  has  to  be  done  in  the  mouth. 
While  Mr.  Fletcher's  theories  are  too  esoteric 
for  use  by  those  of  us  who  have  to  work  for 
a  living,  he  is  mainly  correct ;  first,  because 
thorough  mastication  and  the  mixing  of  saliva 
with  the  food  are  very  necessary  processes 
of  digestion,  particularly  of  starches  and 
sugars.  The  action  of  the  alkaline  digestive 
ferment  of  the  saliva  (ptyalin)  is  necessary 
before  they  are  in  shape  to  be  further  acted 
upon  in  the  intestines. 

So,  if  one  carves  his  hurried  way  by  sheer 
activity  of  incisors,  —  preserving  his  molars 

9 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

for  fattening  out  his  face,  instead  of  grinding 
his  food,  —  and  then  bolts  the  chunks  of 
food  the  instant  they  are  of  swallowable  size, 
an  important  element  in  starchy  digestion 
has  been  neglected.  Also,  the  stomach  being 
toothless,  his  meat  is  not  prepared  properly 
to  be  acted  upon  by  the  gastric  juices  and 
converted  into  peptones.  And  even  though 
he  tries  to  make  the  amende  honorable  by 
chewing  gum,  assisting  the  insalivation  of  the 
hastily  swallowed  material,  he  does  not  over- 
come the  damage.  However,  after  due 
strenuous  churning,  the  food  mass  is  passed 
by  degrees  into  the  small  intestine,  where 
fermentation  progresses  even  more  rapidly 
than  it  did  in  the  stomach. 

This  is  but  the  beginning  of  his  ''miser}^" 
—  only  the  bolter  doesn't  associate  headache, 
loss  of  appetite,  flatulence,  nervousness, 
rheumatism,  neuralgia,  and  all  the  protean 
manifestations  of  underoxidation  with  insuf- 
ficient mastication. 

lO 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

Yet  so  it  is.  This  doesn't  necessarily 
mean  that  one  must  Fletcherize  to  achieve 
relief.  A  safe,  sound,  and  conservative 
middle  course  is  best.  Thorough  chewing 
does  not  imply,  from  a  digestive  viewpoint, 
that  the  food  must  be  liquefied  in  the 
mouth,  and  "tasted  and  tasted"  until  the 
taster  will  not  be  conscious  of  the  act  of 
swallowing. 

Another  thing.  We  have  thirty-six  feet 
of  intestine,  whose  function  it  is  to  digest  and 
appropriate  to  the  lacteals  (the  little  ducts 
that  convey  the  digested  material  into  the 
circulation)  converted  food  products,  and 
then  get  rid  of  the  debris.  They  require 
bulk  to  functionate  upon,  just  as  the  kid- 
neys require  water.  On  a  concentrated  diet, 
or  one  Fletcherized  so  as  to  leave  but  a  mini- 
mum amount  of  work  for  the  intestines,  a 
man  would  "go  stale."  A  certain  amount 
of  work  is  needed  by  any  organ.  If  it 
doesn't  get  it  one  way,  it  will  another,  and 

II 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

with  the  food  tube  that  "other"  usually 
consists  in  raising  mischief  by  autointoxi- 
cation. 

In  other  words,  there  being  no  bulk  to 
combine  with  the  end  products  of  metabolism 
thrown  into  the  intestines,  nothing  for  them 
to  "take  hold  of",  they  become  inert  and 
sluggish.  This  permits  the  reabsorption  of 
these  poisons  into  the  circulation,  and  a 
vicious  cycle  of  symptoms  begins,  —  if  a 
cycle  can  have  a  beginning.  The  process 
affects  appetite  and  digestion,  and  that, 
affected,  produces  more  poison,  —  and  so  on 
ad  infinitum. 

It  is  true,  that  the  worthy  Professor 
Metchnikof,  in  all  seriousness,  proposed  a 
short  time  ago  to  prevent  this  reabsorption 
partially  by  amputating  (resecting)  a  part 
of  the  intestines.  The  principle  is  sound ; 
but  it  is  doubtful  if  any  considerable  number 
of  victims  could  be  found  to  submit  them- 
selves  to   a   major  operation   involving  pos- 

12 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

sibilitles  of  extreme  danger.  We  have  not 
as  yet  heard  that  Professor  Metchnikof  has 
taken  any  of  his  own  medicine  —  which  is 
the  crucial  test  of  conviction. 

Having  determined  the  most  important 
part  of  the  question,  namely,  just  how  much 
and  how  to  eat,  the  next  point  to  consider  is 
what  to  eat. 

Right  here  is  where  the  trouble  begins ; 
for,  extending  back  into  the  earliest  day- 
break of  history,  there  have  been  as  many 
fads  as  there  were  foods.  The  first  quarrel 
between  Pithecanthropus  Erectus  and  his 
wife  arose  over  the  method  of  serving 
venison.  He  wanted  it  au  naturel^  and  she 
preferred  it  dressed. 

And  yet  the  question  is  a  very  simple  one. 
The  chemical  composition  of  the  body  is 
similar  to  the  composition  of  the  foods  that 
nourish  it.  The  problem  is  to  present,  for 
digestion,  those  forms  of  diet  from  which  the 
body  may  extract  the  maximum  amount  of 

J3 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

building  material   and  fuel,   with   the   mini- 
mum expenditure  of  dynamic  energy. 

Our  physiological  engineers  know  with  a 
tolerable  degree  of  accuracy  the  chemistry 
and  heat  value  (calories)  of  the  various  foods. 
They  also  appreciate  idiosyncrasies,  liking, 
or  distaste  for  the  different  foodstuffs.  So 
the  matter  resolves  itself  into  subtracting 
from  the  attainable  dietary  that  which  dis- 
agrees, and  eating  the  rest, — always  with 
regard  to  how  much  of  each  class  one 
needs. 

There  are  three  great  groups  of  food  prod- 
ucts that  supply  three  different  require- 
ments. First  in  importance  are  the  pro- 
teids  (foods  rich  in  nitrogen)  which  replace 
waste  tissue ;  secondly,  starches  and  sugars 
(carbohydrates)  which  furnish  force  and  con- 
tribute to  heat  by  oxidation;  and,  thirdly, 
the  fats  (hydrocarbons)  which  prevent  un- 
due loss  of  proteid  structure,  and  conserve 
body  heat  by  equalizing  temperature. 

H 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

It  is  obvious  that  the  requirements  may 
vary,  and  that  care  in  their  selection,  based 
upon  these  requirements,  is  necessary  in 
preserving  physiological  equilibrium.  The 
Eskimo  consumes  tremendous  quantities  of 
seal  oil  and  whale  blubber,  because  the  main- 
tenance of  his  body  heat  requires  this  super- 
abundance of  hydrocarbon.  The  inhabitants 
of  equatorial  regions,  on  the  contrary,  have 
little  or  no  necessity  for  hydrocarbons ; 
therefore  fats  and  oils  are  practically  super- 
fluous. A  gramnivorous  diet,  with  a  low  per- 
centage of  sugar,  would  be  considered  an 
ideal  diet  for  them. 

The  normal  appetite  is  a  trustworthy 
guide.  In  general,  what  one  craves  is 
usually  what  he  ought  to  have ;  not  perhaps 
in  the  form  he  craves  it,  but  at  any  rate  in 
its  chemical  constituents.  If,  for  instance, 
a  young  girl  strongly  desires  chalk  and  slate 
pencils,  give  them  to  her  —  in  the  form  of 
foods    rich    in    lime.     If    a    child  —  and    all 

IS 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

normal  growing  children  share  in  this  —  de- 
mands candy,  see  that  he  is  supplied  with 
plenty  of  sugar,  in  wholesome  form.  The 
chemistry  of  the  body  requires  these  things, 
and  nothing  but  good  can  come  from  sup- 
plying them  in  reasonable  amount. 

In  approaching  those  mosques  of  prejudice 
—  vegetarianism,  animalism,  fruit,  nut,  and 
breakfast-foodarianism,  —  we  advance  with 
trepidation,  hat  under  one  arm,  shoes  under 
the  other ;  for  here  we  tread  on  dangerous 
ground.  There  is  nothing  the  dyed-in-the- 
wool  faddist  so  firmly  believes  in  as  the  ac- 
curacy of  his  diet  judgment,  unless  it  be  the 
fallacy  of  yours. 

He  is  a  knight  errant,  armed  cap-a-pie 
in  defense  of  his  ladye,  —  the  particular 
fad  that  for  the  moment  obsesses  him.  We 
know ;  for  have  we  not  seen  these  Quixotes 
riding  many  a  course,  and  breaking  innumer- 
able lances,  in  defense  of  no  breakfast,  fruit 

lunches,    raw    food,    no    food,     raisins    and 

i6 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

prunes,  nuts  and  seaweed,  whole  wheat, 
all  milk,  sour  milk,  grapes,  chocolate  bars, 
and  Heaven  only  knows  what  else,  each 
firmly  convinced  that  he  has  the  original 
and   open   sesame  to  the  Gates   of  Health  ? 

Usually  the  less  the  enthusiast  knows  of 
chemistry  and  physiology,  the  more  firmly 
convinced  is  he  that  he  is  right,  and  that  you 
are  wrong.  It  is  almost  impossible  to  get 
one  who  lives  on  nuts  and  other  squirrel  food, 
fruit,  cereals,  or  vegetables  exclusively,  to 
understand  that  a  well-rounded  dietary  is 
the  only  sensible  one ;  that  in  order  to  hold 
down  his  job  and  still  have  reserve  force 
when  he  gets  home  to  entertain  his  wife  and 
children,  he  must  eat  sufficient  of  the  three 
classes  of  food  to  make  up  for  loss  of  tissue 
waste,  supply  heat  and  energy,  and  lay  up  a 
small  quantity  of  emergency  fat. 

And  right  here  it  may  be  profitable  to 
remember  that  vegetarianism  is  the  diet 
of    enslaved,    unprogressive,    and    conquered 

17 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

races ;  and  a  diet  rich  in  meat  is  that  of  the 
progressive,  the  dominant,  and  the  conquer- 
ing stocks.  Nature  knew  what  she  was 
doing  when  she  so  constructed  man  that  he 
would  eat  anything  that  didn't  eat  him  first. 
If  food  satisfies  the  two  great  but  neglected 
senses  of  smell  and  taste,  it  is  usually  good 
to  eat.  Unfortunately,  somewhere  on  the 
long  road  up  to  our  present  exalted  position 
we  have  abandoned  those  excellent  and  use- 
ful customs  of  sniffing  and  tasting.  We 
must  now  take  the  cook's  word  for  it,  even 
though  we  get  ptomaine  poisoning  as  a  con- 
sequence. 

Perhaps  the  best  system  of  diet  is  to  take 
a  little  of  everything,  —  not  too  little,  nor 
yet  too  much,  —  omitting  all  those  foods 
which  experience  has  shown  us  to  be  harmful. 
And  almost  everything  has  its  use.  Some- 
times it  may  be  indispensable,  as  with  fruit 
acids,   or  the   alkalis  of  vegetables.     Scurvy 

and  grave  constitutional  disorders  result  from 

i8 


EATING  TO  LIVE 

lack  of  them.  Even  our  mild-eyed  and  mod- 
est potato  may  possess  virtues  for  which  we 
have  given  it  little  credit.  If  the  recent  an- 
nouncement that  cancer  is  due  to  a  deficiency 
of  potash  salts  is  true,  our  reprehensible 
practice  of  undressing  this  succulent  vegetable 
before  plunging  it  into  the  pot  is  absolutely 
wrong.  For,  if  there  is  any  basis  for  the 
theory,  we  have  been  boiling  out  the  very 
elements  that  rendered  us  immune  to  this 
dread  disease.  At  any  rate,  cancer  is 
markedly  on  the  increase,  and  so  is  the  prac- 
tice of  boiling  potatoes  undressed. 

It  is  a  mooted  question,  this  big  subject  of 
diet.  It  concerns  every  man,  woman,  and 
child  on  earth;  for  "men  live  without 
churches,  or  creeds,  or  books ;  but  civilized 
man  cannot  live  without  cooks." 

But  even  though  he  can't,  perhaps  he  has 
achieved  marvelously  if  he  has  learned  that 
not  eating,  but  living,  is  the  sine  qua  non  of 
existence. 

19 


CHAPTER  II 
The  Sluggard  Bowel 

THE  most  dangerous  disease  that  afflicts 
humanity  is  not  smallpox,  pneumonia, 
typhoid,  or  even  tuberculosis,  which  levies 
its  grim  toll  upon  one  out  of  every  twelve 
civilized  humans.  It  is  common  constipa- 
tion, —  not  so  much  a  disease  in  itself  as 
a  cause  of  other  diseases. 

Constipation  is  the  head  and  front  of  the 
condition  that  so  lowers  the  body's  resistance 
that  germs  or  toxins  of  innumerable  dan- 
gerous and  even  fatal  disorders  are  enabled 
to  gain  lodgment,  and  find,  already  pre- 
pared, a  fertile  field  for  development. 

If  the  average  human  being  had  one  — 
or  better  still,  two  or  three  —  daily  evacua- 

20 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

tions  of  the  bowels,  about  eighty  per  cent. 
of  the  medical  profession  would  have  to  give 
up  practice  and  seek  some  other  means  of 
livelihood.  For,  apart  from  the  obstetri- 
cians, surgeons,  eye  and  ear,  nose  and  throat 
men,  or  other  specialists,  there  would  be  little 
need  for  doctors.  The  absorption  of  poisons 
and  toxins  generated  from  feces  retained  in 
the  Intestine  is  the  direct  cause  of  many 
Irritable  conditions,  headaches,  neuralgias, 
some  forms  of  neuritis,  and  a  large  and  ag- 
gravating number  of  nervous  conditions, 
including  insomnia  and  unrefreshing  sleep, 
nervous  dyspepsia,  melancholia,  heart  irreg- 
ularities of  functional  origin,  and  scores  of 
other  conditions,  which,  like  the  deeds  of 
the  witches  in  Macbeth,  are  almost  without 
a  name,  but  are  none  the  less  material. 

And  the  latest  theory  concerning  epilepsy 
is  that  many  varieties  of  it  are  caused  by 
auto-toxemia.  In  any  event,  the  correc- 
tion of  the  condition  of  putrefaction  In  the 

21 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

thirty  odd  feet  of  intestines  has  cleared  up 
many  epileptic  cases   of  years'   standing. 

Constipation  may  be  considered  as  only 
one  segment  of  a  vicious  circle  that  so  lowers 
body  tone  that  the  very  causes  that  depress 
the  functions  tend  to  continue  the  first  cause. 
Lowered  nervous  vitality  is  reflected  in  a 
lowered  intestinal  "punch."  The  peristal- 
sis, or  wormlike  motions  of  the  bowel,  by 
which  the  refuse  material  of  digestion  and 
the  body  waste  is  passed  along  into  the 
colon,  or  lower  bowel,  is  inhibited  because 
of  insufficient  nervous  energy.  Gradually 
the  bowel  fails  to  respond  to  the  irritating 
presence  of  its  contents.  It  becomes  more 
and  more  atonic ;  and  eventually  nothing 
except  the  most  drastic  cathartics  will  move 
its  contents. 

;  While  the  mass  is  lying  there,  drying  out, 
and  covering  completely  the  surfaces  of  the  in- 
testinal canal,  —  surfaces  that  should  be  clean 
for  the  absorption  of  food  products,  —  putre- 

22 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

factive  alkaloids  are  being  generated.  Such 
dangerous  organic  poisons  as  indol,  skatol, 
indoxyl,  and  numerous  other  powerful  and 
toxic  compounds  are  eliminated  and  absorbed 
into  the  circulation,  once  more  to  depress 
the  functions,  and  continue  the  causes  that 
developed  them. 

Chronic  constipation  is  now  recognized 
as  one  of  the  chief  causes  of  anemia.  This 
results  from  the  general  depression  of  the 
metabolic  and  assimilative  processes.  So 
physicians  now,  instead  of  depending  so 
largely  upon  "iron  tonics",  are  giving  more 
of  their  attention  to  the  broad  general  prin- 
ciples of  "Cleaning  out  and  keeping  clean", 
realizing  that  if  the  system  is  put  into  a 
condition  where  it  can  manufacture  its  own 
iron  for  the  blood,  it  will  do  so. 

Another  fact  of  tremendous  importance 
to  humanity,  especially  that  large  portion 
of  humanity  that  industriously  digs  its  grave 
with  its  teeth,  is  that  many  cases  of  kidney 

23 


SIDE-STEPPING  ^LL  HEALTH 

disease,  characterized  by  the  voiding  of  large 
amounts  of  low  specific  gravity  urine,  con- 
taining albumen  and  waxy  casts,  are  due  to 
intestinal  fermentation. 

The  sluggard  bowel,  by  shifting  a  consid- 
erable portion  of  its  work  of  elimination 
upon  the  kidneys,  overworks  these  organs, 
and  the  nephritis  is  merely  an  expression  of 
resentment  on  the  part  of  the  kidneys  against 
this  overwork. 

•  The  successful  treatment  of  these  condi- 
tions does  not  depend  so  much  upon  stimu- 
lating the  action  of  the  kidneys  and  whip- 
ping them  to  their  duty,  as  it  does  upon  seeing 
that  the  bowels  do  their  fair  share  of  the 
task  of  sifting  out  the  slag  and  refuse. 

Also,  many  of  the  diseases  that  affect 
the  liver  develop  because  that  overworked 
organ  has  the  extra  burden  of  filtering 
out  of  the  blood  and  neutralizing  poisons 
which  should  never  have  been  permitted  to 
enter  it. 

H 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

Rheumatism,  biliousness,  and  liver  tor- 
pidity, congestion  and  enlargement  of  the 
gland,  and  even  grave  degenerations  of  the 
organ  are  a  constant  result  of  this  overwork. 

Paradoxical  as  it  may  seem,  constipation 
often  produces  chronic  diarrhea.  Notwith- 
standing repeated  evacuations,  there  is,  with 
some  patients,  a  gradual  accumulation  of 
hardened  excremental  matter  on  the  walls  of 
the  intestines.  While  nature  is  doing  her 
best  to  dislodge  and  eliminate  this,  she  re- 
quires help  in  the  form  of  some  such  lubri- 
cant as  castor  oil  or  liquid  petroleum,  or 
massage;  even  soapsud  or  oil  enemas  may 
also  be  necessary  to  dislodge  the  accumula- 
tion, and  thereby  correct  the  diarrhea  and 
the  constipation  at  one  fell  swoop. 

There  are  many  causes  for  constipation. 
Some  of  these,  such  as  obstruction,  adhesions, 
prolapse  of  the  bowels,  impairment  of  the 
quantity  and  quality  of  bile,  hernia,  and 
acute    infectious    diseases,    imperatively    de- 

25 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

mand  surgical  or  medical  attention.  This 
is  also  true  of  direct  inhibition  of  the  func- 
tion through  the  nerve  centers  from  such 
diseases  as  hysteria,  or  disorders  of  the  spinal 
cord. 

But  the  most  frequent  causes  of  costive- 
ness  are  constriction  of  the  abdominal  mus- 
cles from  snug  lacing  or  from  wearing  tight 
belts,  neglect  to  immediately  answer  calls  of 
nature,  or  carelessness  in  establishing  the  habit 
of  evacuation,  eating  too  much  concentrated 
food,  which  leaves  but  little  residue  after 
digestion,  or  by  consuming  such  articles  of 
diet  —  berries,  for  instance  —  as  leave  a  large 
amount  of  irritating  matter  and  cause  thereby 
a  spasmodic  contraction  of  the  intestines. 

Neglect  to  flush  the  system  with  a  daily 
intake  of  three  or  four  pints  of  water  is  an- 
other common  cause.  Or  occasionally  the 
drinking  of  water  containing  a  large  propor- 
tion of  lime  salts  may  produce  costiveness. 

A  weakened   condition   of  the   muscles  of 

26 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

the  abdominal  wall,  due  to  excessive  indul- 
gence in  the  rocking-chair  habit,  is  another 
prolific  cause  of  indolent  intestines.  In  fact, 
on  general  principles,  no  method  of  treating 
constipation  which  does  not  include  allo- 
pathic doses  of  exercise  has  much  hope  of 
permanent  success. 

Infants  are  especially  liable  to  constipa- 
tion, particularly  bottle-fed  infants  whose 
milk  is  modified  by  the  addition  of  lime- 
water.  This  condition  is  readily  overcome 
by  substituting  for  the  lime-water  a  teaspoon- 
ful  of  milk  of  magnesia  added  to  a  few  ounces 
of  plain  water,  this  mixture  to  be  used  as 
though  it  were  lime-water. 

A  milk  diet  is  rather  constipating  at  best, 
either  for  children  or  for  adults,  because  it 
leaves,  after  digestion,  so  little  residual  matter 
for  the  intestines  to  ''work"  on. 

Briefly,    the   chief   factors    in    constipation 

are : 

I.    Lack  of  proper  nerve  tone. 

27 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

2.  Weakened,  debilitated,  or  corset- 
choked    abdominal    and    intestinal    muscles. 

3.  Too  much  of  the  wrong  kind  of  food. 

4.  Not  enough  soft  water,  or  an  excess 
of  the  other  kind. 

Any  or  all  measures  which  restore  nervous 
and  physical  vigor  are  effective  remedies 
against  constipation. 

The  diet  is  of  particular  importance.  It 
should  be  light,  and  consist,  to  a  great  extent, 
of  those  foods  which  contain  a  large  pro- 
portion of  "hay",  in  the  form  of  cellulose  or 
fiber.  We  need  this  in  order  to  give  bulk 
for  the  intestinal  muscles  to  exercise  peris- 
talsis on.  Green  and  "watery"  vegetables, 
as  lettuce,  spinach,  celery,  radishes,  turnips, 
carrots,  cauliflower,  cabbage  (preferably  in 
the  form  of  cold  slaw  or  sauerkraut),  rhubarb, 
tomatoes,  water  cresses,  endive,  asparagus, 
—  in  fact,  all  vegetables  which  contain  little 
starch,  but  much  fiber  and  water,  are  ex- 
cellent. 

28 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

All  fruit  is  beneficial,  except  the  puckering 
persimmon.  Grapefruit,  plums,  oranges, 
figs,  prunes,  stewed  apples  and  pears,  grapes, 
berries  (omitting  huckleberries),  are  effective 
peristaltic  stimulants. 

A  glass  of  cold  or  hot  water,  into  which 
the  juice  of  half  a  lemon  has  been  squeezed, 
first  thing  in  the  morning  on  an  empty  stom- 
ach, is  admirable. 

Instead  of  wheat  bread,  oatmeal,  bran, 
whole  wheat,  rye,  or  brown  bread,  with  butter 
and  honey,  or  fruit  jam,  should  be  used. 

Soups,  except  those  thickened  with  flour, 
should  be  a  daily  article  of  diet. 

Bacon,  fat  meat,  and  rich  gravies  are  a 
decided  improvement  over  lean  roast,  or 
steaks  and  chops. 

Buttermilk  should  be  used  in  preference 
to  sweet  or  skimmed  milk. 

Swimming,    when    it    can    be    indulged,    is 

the  best  of  all  exercises  for  constipation,  as 

it  brings  into  play  practically  every  muscle 

29 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

in  the  body,  excepting  perhaps  those  rudi- 
mentary muscles  that  wag  the  ears.  Row- 
ing, golf,  horseback  riding,  walking,  and  all 
gymnastics  and  Swedish  movements  are  help- 
ful. Massage  is  also  valuable,  especially 
abdominal  massage,  for  five  or  ten  minutes 
before  rising  every  morning. 

All  alcoholic  drinks  should  be  avoided. 
Also  strong  tea,  cocoa,  chocolate,  and  rice, 
potatoes,  starchy  food,  and  candy,  except 
molasses  candy,  which  is  an  excellent  and 
agreeable    laxative,    especially    for    children. 

Enemas  and  glycerin  or  soap  suppositories 
are  effective  only  as  temporary  measures. 
If  too  long  continued  they  tend  to  form  a 
habit  of  bowel  atony. 

Mineral  oil,  as  before  intimated,  has  a 
wide  field  of  usefulness,  especially  when  the 
fecal  matter  is  dry  and  moved  with  diffi- 
culty. It  is  particularly  valuable  in  consti- 
pation accompanied  by  bowel  irritation  or 
intestinal  spasm. 

30 


THE   SLUGGARD   BOWEL 

Where  medicines  are  required,  the  advice 
of  a  physician  should  be  sought,  as  much 
harm  may  result  from  taking  the  wrong  kind, 
or  even  from  taking  too  much  of  the  right 
kind  of  cathartic. 

A  tablespoonful  of  milk  of  magnesia  fol- 
lowed by  the  juice  of  half  a  lemon,  or  an 
orange,  is  perhaps  the  least  harmful,  al- 
though the  alophen  pill  has  given  good  results. 

Any  and  all  methods  which  "work"  are 
good  methods.  Even  a  poor  method  is 
better  than  none  at  all.  For  no  method  of 
treating  constipation  is  quite  so  disastrous, 
so  life-shortening,  so  disease-producing  as 
utterly  to  ignore  it. 

A  complete  cure  of  the  costive  habit  in 
every  human  being  would  add  years  to  life. 
As  a  matter  of  race  conservation,  and  for 
the  increase  of  racial  efficiency,  this  should 
be  made  compulsory. 


31 


CHAPTER  III 

Colds  and  their  Causes 

SOMETIME  In  the  distant  future  a  red- 
eyed  Individual  who  whoops  forth  a 
triumphant  "Kerchoo  !"  will  be  hustled  Into 
a  modified  dog-catcher's  wagon  and  rattled 
off  to  the  nearest  segregation  hospital  by  a 
vigilant  health  officer,  there  to  be  detained 
until  his  ''cold"  Is  completely  cured;  for 
sneezing  was  especially  Invented  by  the  patron 
saint  of  influenza  for  the  express  purpose  of 
spraying  germs  where  they  could  and  would 
be  most  readily  breathed  In  by  the  sneezer's 
unfortunate  neighbors. 

Sneezers   are  an  Infinitely  greater  menace 
to  society  than  would  be  an  equal  number  of 

healthy  burglars.     In  the  aggregate  they  cause 

32 


COLDS  AND  THEIR   CAUSES 

a  greater  increase  in  the  mortality  rate  than 
half  a  dozen  plagues  put  together.  This  is 
because  the  "germ  theory  of  disease"  is  not 
a  theory,  but  a  substantial  fact.  The  mi- 
crobe of  influenza  is  just  as  concrete  as  the 
individual  it  infects. 

Heretofore  most  of  us  have  held  fatuously 
to  the  conviction  that  cold  weather  was  in 
some  way  or  other  responsible  for  colds.  So 
it  is ;  but  not  in  the  way  we  think.  Cold 
weather  of  itself  produces  merely  frostbites, 
goose  flesh,  and  chilblains ;  but  unfortu- 
nately it  produces  such  a  love  for  fresh  air 
that  the  careful  householder  develops  the 
suicidal  habit  of  hermetically  sealing  it  up, 
and  breathing  it  over  and  over  again.  This 
consumes  the  oxygen,  —  the  vivifying  ele- 
ment in  the  air,  —  and  permits  of  a  generous 
accumulation  of  carbon  dioxid  (carbonic  acid 
gas),  the  inhalation  of  which  lowers  the  body 
tone  and  the  power  of  resistance,  so  that 
any  of  the  myriad  of   germs    which    gather 

33 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

where  two  or  more  organic  beings  are  joined 
together  in  bonds  of  social  intercourse  may 
find  comfortable  lodgment,  and  proceed  to 
increase  and  multiply. 

One  excellent  way  to  avoid  "catching 
cold"  is  to  avoid  contact  with  one  who  has 
it ;  and  if  this  is  not  practicable,  then  to 
spray  one's  mouth  and  nostrils  —  the  great 
wide  ways  by  which  the  germs  gain  entrance 
into  the  system  —  with  antiseptics,  prefer- 
ably incorporated  in  an  oily  base.  Oil  re- 
tards the  locomotive  powers  of  the  germs, 
and  prevents  them  from  skipping  blithely 
over  into  the  crypts  of  the  tonsils,  or  linger- 
ing joyfully  in  the  naso-pharnyx  or  larynx, 
when  they  should  be  proceeding,  as  per 
schedule,  directly  toward  the  consuming  acid 
of  a  healthy  stomach. 

Also  it  has  long  been  conceded  that  a  stuffed 
body  predisposes  to  a  stuffed  head.  The 
reason  of  this  is  obvious.  Decomposition  of 
unutilizable  material  in  the  system  generates, 

34 


COLDS  AND  THEIR  CAUSES 

by  fermentation,  an  excessive  amount  of 
uric  acid  in  the  blood.  The  normal  alka- 
linity of  the  vital  fluid  is  thereby  decreased, 
and  the  acid  content  raised.  Therefore 
the  sudden  chilling  of  certain  areas  of  the 
body  —  notably  those  parts  exposed  to 
drafts  —  causes  the  precipitation  of  this  acid, 
in  the  form  of  little  crystals,  in  the  joints, 
tissues,    or   mucous    membranes. 

This,  by  interfering  with  the  free  ranging 
of  the  phagocytes  (the  sanitary  patrol) 
through  the  tissues,  affords  an  excellent  op- 
portunity for  the  invading  microorganisms 
to  form  foci  of  Infection,  which  rapidly  spread 
and  increase  as  the  germs  gain  in  numbers 
and  confidence.  In  fact,  some  enthusiasts 
—  notably  Doctor  Alexander  Halg,  the 
world's  greatest  authority  on  uric  acid  — 
believe  that  all  colds  are  due  to  a  combina- 
tion of  three  things,  —  a  chill,  a  microbe,  and 
a  uric  acid  tendency  that  prepares  a  focus  for 
the  microbe's   growth.     But  of  these  three, 

35 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

they  claim,  the  greatest  and  most  indispen- 
sable is  uric  acid.  They  are  vehement  in 
declaring  that  a  uric-acid-free  individual  might 
with  impunity  sit  in  a  draft  forever,  with 
both  feet  immersed  in  a  bucket  of  cold,  damp 
water,  and  never  catch  a  cold. 

Be  that  as  it  may,  it  is  significant  that  the 
remedies  that  give  the  best  and  quickest 
results  in  the  treatment  of  colds  are  those 
which  are  equally  efficacious  in  the  treatment 
of  rheumatism.  For  instance,  active  elimi- 
nation —  preferably  by  means  of  saline 
cathartics,  flushing  the  system  with  liberal 
quantities  of  water,  large  doses  of  alkalis, 
sodium  salicylate  (or  proprietary  improve- 
ments upon  it),  which  dissolve  uric  acid, 
and  help  eliminate  it  —  seems  to  give  the 
best  results  in  cold,  as  it  does  in  rheuma- 
tism. In  fact,  this  school  contends  that 
cold  is  merely  gout  of  the  respiratory  mucous 
membranes,  complicated  by  the  presence  of 
a  busy  microbe ;    that  the  microbe,  of  itself, 

36 


COLDS  AND  THEIR   CAUSES 

is  impotent  for  mischief,  requiring  invariably 
an  excess  of  uric  acid  in  the  blood  before  its 
powers  for  making  life  miserable  can  be  mani- 
fested. This  explains  also  why  it  spreads 
among  those  who  are  plentifully  supplied 
with  uric  acid,  while  it  fails  to  find  lodgment 
in  the  tissues  of  those  who  are  not. 

The  method  practised  by  this  school  to 
overcome  the  tendency  toward  "taking  cold" 
is  to  prevent  the  development  of  uric  acid 
by  a  long  course  of  "purin-free"  diet.  Purin 
is  that  element  in  the  food,  or  which  develops 
during  its  digestion,  which  is  one  of  the  dis- 
tinguished ancestors  of  uric  acid.  It  is  found 
most  plentifully  in  white  meats,  fish,  fowl, 
and  leguminous  vegetables,  such  as  beans 
and  peas.  It  riots  in  tea,  coffee,  and  cocoa. 
A  favorite  stamping  ground  for  it  is  ale, 
porter,  stout,  and  that  cherished  liquid  food 
of  our  German  brethren,  beer. 

Most  cereals  and  fruits,  a  large  list  of  vege- 
tables,  and  nuts,  milk,  eggs,  and  cheese  con- 

37 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

tain  little  or  no  purin,  or  purin-forming  mate- 
rial. So  those  who  are  predisposed  to  take 
cold  easily  might  find  it  of  peculiar  advantage 
to  modify  their  diet,  and  thereby  prevent 
developing  uric  acid.  It  costs  nothing  but  a 
considerable  amount  of  self-denial,  and  may 
be  ultimately  worth  all  it  costs. 

It  must  be  emphasized  that  the  dangers  of 
cold,  especially  the  results  arising  from  re- 
peated attacks  of  the  malady,  are  grave. 
That  Captain  of  all  the  Men  of  Death, 
Tuberculosis,  marches  too  often  to  a  trium- 
phant victory  over  lung  tissue  weakened  by 
the  congestion  and  inflammation  of  colds. 
Pneumonia  begins  with  infection  of  the  res- 
piratory passages.  Acute  kidney  disease, 
and  a  host  of  other  fatal  or  merely  painful 
and  unpleasant  ailments,  have  their  origin 
only  too  frequently  in  a  cold. 

Many  declare  that  a  well-fed  body  is  the 
most  perfect  of  safeguards  against  taking 
cold.     But    by    well-fed    they    do    not  —  or 

38 


COLDS   AND  THEIR   CAUSES 

should  not  —  necessarily  mean  those  bodies 
which  are  fed  into  a  state  of  plethora ;  for 
a  thick  neck  and  a  heavy  cold  are  just  as  com- 
panionable as  are  a  peaked  face  and  a  piping 
cough. 

Also  it  is  claimed  —  and  this  is  particularly 
prevalent  among  old  ladies  —  that  to  "stuff 
a  cold"  is  the  eminently  proper  way  of  treat- 
ing it.  This  is  a  delusion  and  a  snare,  as 
many  a  white  headstone  mutely  attests ; 
for  if  there  is  anybody  in  the  world  who 
doesn't  need  things  to  eat,  it  is  a  sick  man. 
The  loving  Granny  who  insists  that  the 
groaning,  toxin-laden,  bug-infested  individual 
needs  "a.  little  nourishment"  is  often  an 
executioner  in  disguise.  Even  the  animals 
know  better ;  for  it  is  practically  impossible 
to  induce  a  sick  animal  to  eat  anything  except 
grass,  or  something  that  may  exert  an  equally 
laxative  influence. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  extreme  starvation 
resorted  to  by  certain  enthusiastic,  but  sadly 

39 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

mistaken  persons  Is  equally  dangerous ;  for 
this  results  In  exhaustion  and  progressive 
weakening  of  the  body  defenses.  Irretriev- 
able and  permanent  damage  has  been  Inflicted 
times  without  number  by  emulating  the 
example  of  the  Indian  yogis,  who  dine  not, 
neither  do  they  sup,  for  days  at  a  time. 
An  emaciated,  owl-eyed  victim  of  a  protracted 
fast  may  achieve  a  certain  degree  of  distinc- 
tion, not  to  say  notoriety ;  but  It  will  not 
do  to  keep  it  up  very  long.  The  body  needs 
fuel,  just  as  does  any  other  machine,  and 
when  the  fuel  is  no  longer  provided,  some- 
thing usually  happens  to  the  machine.  Starve 
if  you  will,  but  starve  temperately,  and  In 
moderation. 

A  prolific  source  of  colds  is  an  unclean 
mouth.  Bad  colds  have  been  frequently 
traced  to  bad  teeth.  That  disease  known  as 
"dental  caries",  which  causes  discoloration 
and  erosion  of  the  teeth,  particularly  at  the 

gum    margins,    Is    the    cause    of    numberless 

40 


COLDS  AND  THEIR   CAUSES 

attacks  of  influenza.  These  decayed  pockets 
afford  magnificent  harbors  for  all  sorts  of 
germs.  As  many  as  thirty-three  varieties 
have  been  counted  by  one  microscopist. 
Among  this  malodorous  host  it  is  not  difficult 
to  find  eager  cohorts  of  cold  microbes  await- 
ing the  first  favorable  opportunity  —  as  when 
the  system  is  run  down,  or  fatigued,  or  chilled 
by  exposure  —  to  "Cry  'Havoc',  and  let 
slip  the  dogs  of  war."  Therefore,  if  you 
are  in  the  habit  of  catching  cold  upon  the 
slightest  provocation,  or  upon  no  provocation 
at  all,  see  a  good  dentist,  and  block  this 
avenue  of  infection  by  having  all  the  germ 
harbors  in  your  teeth  polished  off  or  filled  up. 
Wet  feet  and  drafts,  by  interfering  with  the 
normal  circulation  of  the  blood,  reduce  the 
vital  resistance  to  a  point  where  colds  are 
accumulated  with  scarcely  any  appreciable 
effort.  The  effect  of  wet  feet  in  lowering 
resistance  is  particularly  marked.  This  is 
interestingly  shown  in  the  case  of  some  birds, 

41 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

When  a  hen,  which  is  ordinarily  immune 
to  the  germs  of  anthrax  (splenic  fever) 
rubbed  into  her  skin,  is  forced  to  stand  in 
a  few  inches  of  cold  water  for  an  hour  or  two 
after  inoculation,  she  speedily  dies  of  the 
disease. 

The  moral  is  :  Have  a  care  that  your  feet 
are  kept  warm.  Taboo  the  openwork  stock- 
ing, the  diaphanous  hose,  and  the  low  shoe, 
especially  when  wading  around  in  the  sleet 
and  slush.  If  your  esthetic  sense  balks  at 
this  arrangement,  then  wear  them  by  all 
means,  but  put  rubber  boots  on  over  them. 

Our  osteopathic  friends  claim  that  colds  are 
produced  by  an  overtension  or  "tightening" 
of  the  muscles,  particularly  the  muscles  of 
the  neck,  which  causes  a  displacement  of 
one  or  more  of  the  neck  vertebrae.  This 
tissue  tension  interferes  with  the  free  circula- 
tion of  the  blood,  causing  a  retarding  of  the 
flow.     The   venous   blood    "backs   up",    and 

congestion  results.     This  may  have  a  founda- 

42 


COLDS  AND  THEIR  CAUSES 

tion  of  truth  in  it;  although  it  would  be 
difficult  to  figure  out  how  this  theory  can  be 
reconciled  with  the  fact  of  Mamie's  wet  feet 
and  resultant  running  nose,  or  Willie's  catch- 
ing cold  from  sitting  beside  a  boy  in  school 
who  had  the  sniffles. 

However,  osteopaths  can,  and  very  fre- 
quently do,  by  expertly  manipulating,  restore 
normal  circulation  to  the  parts.  They  re- 
lieve the  tightness  of  the  neck  muscles  and 
the  tightness  of  a  cold  simultaneously.  In 
"loosening"  a  victim's  head  and  backbone 
they  loosen  his  influenza,  especially  if  they 
catch  it  when  it  is  young. 

There  are  many  thousands  who  believe 
that  a  cold  has  to  "run  its  course"  or  "wear 
itself  out."  And  the  curious  part  of  it  is 
that  this  is  true  —  in  their  experiences.  This 
idiosyncrasy,  this  marvelous  human  equa- 
tion, is  one  of  the  things  that  make  the 
practice  of  medicine  so  fascinating.  What 
will  cure  one  may  have  absolutely  no  effect 

43 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

upon  the  second,  and  it  may,  in  rare  instances, 
kill  the  third. 

We  can  also  be  coddled  into  susceptibility 
to  colds.  The  Spartan  of  old,  who  wore  the 
same  toga  summer  and  winter,  was  never 
ill,  or  if  he  were,  he  and  his  historians  neg- 
lected to  mention  it.  As  a  matter  of  fact, 
he  was  tough.  He  had  to  be.  If  he  wasn't, 
he  died  young,  and  so  wasn't  troubled  much 
with    colds   anyway.     But    Spartan   methods 

—  such  as  the  morning  cold  bath  the  year 
round,  just  as  it  flows  from  the  faucet  —  will 
work  wonders  in  increasing  body  resistance. 
Of  course  this  is  not  adapted  to  the  shivering, 
blue-lipped  individual  who  doesn't  get  rid 
of  his  goose  pimples  —  following  a  cold  tub 

—  until  noon.  Only  where  a  brisk  reaction 
follows  does  a  cold  bath  do  good. 

This  same  objection  applies  to  "sleeping 
out"  in  the  winter.  Many  anemic,  badly 
nourished  patients,  despite  weakeningly 
heavy  loads  of  blankets,  are  so  busy  trying  to 

44 


COLDS  AND  THEIR  CAUSES 

keep  warm  that  they  haven't  time  to  sleep. 
And  without  sleep  they  do  not  knit  up  many 
of  the  raveled  sleeves  of  care.  In  other  words, 
they  do  not  make  blood  and  increase  resist- 
ance by  securing  a  normal  amount  of  rest, 
as  they  would  were  they  to  sleep  under  a  roof, 
with  plenty  of  fresh  air  coming  through  open 
windows,  but  with  its  keen  edge  tempered  by 
contact  with  warmed  walls  and  floors. 

The  consideration  of  cough,  in  its  relation 
to  cold,  is  entirely  too  involved  a  subject 
to  be  dealt  with  here.  It  will  suffice  to 
say  that  where  a  cough  is  associated  with  a 
cold,  and  does  not  exist  merely  as  a  reflex  from 
some  quite  remote  condition,  it  should  not  be 
knocked  senseless  with  opiates.  It  is  doing 
its  best  to  dislodge  and  eradicate  a  few  bil- 
lion germs.  It  should  be  encouraged  and 
"loosened."     Spitting   should   be   facilitated. 

Much  hope  is  now  aroused  by  the  recent 
announcement  of  the  discovery  of  a  vaccine 
to    cure    colds.     This    is    composed    of    dead 

45 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

organisms  from  a  person  afflicted  with  influ- 
enza, and  is  administered  under  the  same 
principle  as  antityphoid  vaccine.  It  prom- 
ises well.  But  our  present  interest  in 
"cold"  is  chiefly  preventive. 

So,  to  prevent  catching  cold,  never  permit 
yourself  to  be  sneezed  or  coughed  at. 

Never  put  your  fingers  into  mouth  or  nose. 

Spray  the  nose  and  throat  frequently, 
especially  on  coming  from  the  church  or 
theater,  with  a  mild  antiseptic. 

When  chilled  take  a  hot  foot  bath  of  twenty 
minutes'  duration,  to  equalize  the  circulation. 

Save  the  hot  whisky  and  other  alcoholic 
"cures"  for  a  time  when  you  are  better  fitted 
to  withstand  their  harmful  effects. 

Eat  little  —  and  make  certain  to  get  rid 
of  the  residue  of  that  little. 

But  if,  after  all,  you  should  get  a  cold, 
keep  it.     Don't  pass  it  on  to  your  neighbor. 

If  everybody  were  to  follow  these  sugges- 
tions, nobody  would  ever  need  them. 

46 


CHAPTER  IV 

Why  are  Coughs  ? 

AS  a  general  proposition  a  cough  is 
nothing  more  or  less  than  a  protest 
against  irritation.  The  irritation  may  be 
near  by,  right  around  the  corner,  or  remote 
from  the  scene  of  its  apparent  origin.  The 
main  trouble  with  coughs  is  in  our  treat- 
ment of  them.  We  have  been  classifying 
and  labeling  them  as  a  condition ;  whereas, 
with  the  possible  exception  of  whooping 
cough,  — which  is  what  we  call  it,  and  more, 
—  they  are  only  symptoms. 

The  condition,  the  real  Why,  may  be  any- 
thing from  an  inflamed  middle-ear  to  an 
irritated  stomach.  It  may  even  have  its 
origin  in  the  abdominal  organs. 

47 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Don't  "  stop  a  cough."  Stop  the  thing 
that  causes  it,  and  the  cough  will  stop  itself. 
The  annoying  cough  is  really  one  of  our  best 
friends.  In  its  crude  way  it  is  either  trying 
to  warn  us  of  the  presence  of  disease,  or  of 
conditions  from  which  disease  might  develop, 
or  it  is  doing  its  best  to  dislodge  or  eject 
from  the  premises  whole  cities  and  princi- 
palities of  virulent  microbes.  In  fact,  this 
is  one  of  its  blue-ribbon  attributes.  If  we 
only  realized  it,  this  ability  to  keep  on,  and 
keep  on  keeping  on,  despite  the  discourage- 
ment of  morphine,  codeine,  heroin,  and  other 
less  dangerous  things  continually  used  to  re- 
duce it  to  a  state  of  coma,  entitles  a  cough 
to  a  Carnegie  medal  for  persistence. 

Take,  for  instance,  the  troublesome  '^tick- 
ling" cough  caused  by  an  elongation  of  that 
little  pendant  called  the  uvula,  which  droops 
from  the  back  part  of  the  soft  palate.  We 
may  have  had  considerable  use  for  this  orna- 
ment in  those  distant  days  when  we  breathed 

48 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

through  gills  and  proceeded  through  our 
natural  element  by  gracefully  flapping  our 
tails.  But  we  certainly  do  not  have  much 
use  for  it  now,  unless  we  turn  the  matter 
upside  down  and  inside  out,  and  look  at  it 
from  the  pecuniarily  selfish  viewpoint  of  the 
doctor  or  the  undertaker. 

However,  this  lengthening  of  the  uvula, 
and  the  irritating  effect  upon  the  mucous 
membrane  of  the  larnyx  or  the  base  of  the 
tongue  which  results  in  the  ^' uvula  cough", 
is  merely  an  ocular  demonstration  —  to  those 
who  can  read  and  run  at  the  same  time 
—  that  there  is  catarrh  in  the  pharynx,  or 
some  enlargement  of  the  tonsils,  which  may 
hitherto  have  escaped  notice. 

If,  now,  instead  of  trying  with  determined 
obstinacy  to  stop  the  cough,  we  turn  to 
and  cure  the  pharyngeal  catarrh,  or  relieve 
the  swollen  tonsil,  the  uvula  shrinks  back, 
and  minds  its  own  business.  Sometimes, 
however,  from  having  reached  out  a  warning 

49 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

finger  too  long,  —  like  the  Indian  fakir  who 
holds  his  arm  above  his  head  until  it  grows 
rigid  in  that  position,  —  the  uvula  loses  its 
power  to  contract  again.  Nothing  remains 
then  but  to  part  reluctantly  from  the  little 
sentinel,  which  we  accomplish  by  dexterously 
chopping  its  head  off. 

The  cough  caused  by  protruding  tonsils 
is  particularly  persistent  when  we  lie  down. 
Munchausen's  lion  story  suggests  the  method 
some  of  us  follow  in  dealing  with  this  kind 
of  cough.  He  said  he  got  rid  of  his  biggest 
lion  by  waiting  until  the  animal  charged 
him  full  speed  with  open  mouth.  Then  like 
a  flash  he  thrust  an  arm  down  the  beast's 
throat,  grasped  the  tail,  and  with  a  quick 
jerk  turned  the  lion  inside  out.  The  lion 
continued  to  run ;  but  being  headed  in  the 
opposite  direction  soon  eliminated  itself  as 
a  source  of  danger. 

This  method  of  dealing  with  lions  is  about 
on  a  par  with  our  method  of  cure  when  we 

50 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

pour  a  lot  of  "cough  mixtures"  into  the 
stomach  of  the  victim  with  enlarged  tonsils. 
Not  only  do  we  fail  to  cure  his  cough,  but  we 
destroy  his  appetite  and  his  powers  of  as- 
similation. We  also  put  him  into  a  condition 
to  fall  an  easy  prey  to  other  dangerous  con- 
ditions ;  for  we  have  intoxicated  his  phag- 
ocytes (the  little  "white  soldiers"  which 
feed  upon  disease  germs).  If  the  soldiers 
are  paralyzed  by  drugs,  they  are  as  helpless 
as  any  other  paralytic.  So,  irrespective  of 
how  vociferously  they  thrust  upon  us  the 
advice,  "Stop  that  cough  before  it  stops  us !" 
let's  wait  until  we  find  out  —  from  some 
one  who  knows  —  what  it  is  we  are  to  stop. 

In  children,  and  to  a  lesser  extent  in  adults, 
adenoids  are  a  frequent  cause  of  cough. 
The  presence  of  these  vegetating  growths 
may  usually  be  suspected  in  every  child  or 
adult  who  is  a  persistent  mouth-breather. 
The  expression,  or  lack  of  expression,  the 
hanging  jaw   and   noisy  breathing,   the    im- 

51 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

pairment  in  hearing,  the  pecuHar  muffling 
of  the  voice,  and  the  short,  dry  cough,  — 
these  point  the  trained  observer  to  the  proper 
course.  He  can,  in  infants,  reheve  this  form 
of  cough  in  thirty  seconds  by  simply  passing 
the  index  finger  up  the  passage  leading  from 
the  mouth  to  the  back  part  of  the  nose,  and 
sweeping  these  growths  free. 

The  mouth-breathing  habit  associated  with 
adenoids  is  in  itself  a  frequent  cause  of  cough. 
Also  it  is  responsible  for  the  nocturnal  solo. 
It  may  be  noted  here  that  man  is  the  only 
animal  that  ever  sleeps  sprawled  out  on  the 
flat  of  his  back  with  his  mouth  wide  open. 
As  a  result  of  this  practice  the  throat  becomes 
dry  and  irritable  from  taking  in  air  that  has 
not  been  warmed  (or  cooled),  filtered,  and 
moistened  by  being  drawn  through  the  nos- 
trils. The  resulting  cough  is  a  loud,  sharp 
bark,  repeated  at  short  intervals. 

The  cure  for  this  form  of  cough  is  ridicu- 
lously easy.     Simply  wear   a   little  piece   of 

52 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS  ? 

adhesive  plaster  pasted  vertically  across  the 
mouth  at  night,  continuing  for  a  few  weeks 
or  months,  until  educated  to  breathe  prop- 
erly. In  addition  to  curing  coughs  originat- 
ing in  this  open-mouthed  habit,  snoring  and 
the  sometimes  dangerous  practice  of  talking 
in  one's  sleep  are  also  corrected. 

Of  course  all  forms  of  catarrh,  including 
hay  fever,  affecting  the  respiratory  passages, 
produce  irritation,  frequently  manifested  in 
attacks  of  coughing.  The  air  passages  and 
the  "voice  box"  should  be  put  into  good 
condition  by  a  qualified  expert,  bent  nasal 
cartilages  straightened,  enlarged  turbinated 
bones  —  the  two  that  support  the  bridge  of 
the  nose  —  pared  down  to  normal,  and  at- 
tention paid  to  bringing  the  system  up  to  par. 

Right  here  it  may  be  pertinent  to  mention 
that  the  nasal  douche  so  universally  employed 
is  often  responsible  for  distressing  coughing 
spells  and  "catarrhal  headaches."  Not  only 
the  fluid  itself  may  be  irritating,  but  it  may 

S3 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

penetrate  the  bone  sinuses,  or  openings. 
One  of  the  gravest  dangers,  in  fact,  is  that 
water  may  reach  the  middle  ear  through  the 
Eustachian  tube  (the  Httle  canal  running 
from  the  nostril  to  the  ear)  and  cause  sup- 
puration and  middle-ear  abscesses,  —  one  of 
the  most  painful  ills  the  human  body  can 
suffer. 

Remedies  directed  to  the  relief  of  catarrhal 
coughs,  as  coughs,  have  about  the  same 
general  effect  as  have  moonbeams  on  the 
growth  of  cucumbers.  In  fact,  they  are 
about  on  a  plane,  in  point  of  utility  and  com- 
mon sense,  with  the  toothless  old  fallacy  that 
*'gin  is  good  for  the  kidneys." 

Whooping  cough  is  one  of  the  few  varieties 
of  cough  that  are  all  wool  and  a  yard  wide, 
in  that  they  are  what  they  are  represented 
to  be.  Yet  even  whooping  cough  has  been 
caught  in  the  act  of  deception.  The  whoop 
has  been  separated  from  the  cough  and 
shown  to  be  merely  a  symptom  of  a  general 

54 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

condition  caused  by  germs  identical  in  nature 
with  those  which  cause  distemper  in  dogs 
and  "snuffles"  in  rabbits. 

This  demonstrates  that  whooping  cough 
may  not  only  be  transmitted  from  children, 
but  also  from  infected  animals.  In  any 
event,  parents  should  learn  that  various  dis- 
eases are  "caught"  from  pets,  and  that 
germs  are  germs.  In  connection  with  this 
distressing  and  dangerous  disease,  it  is  en- 
couraging to  know  that  Doctor  Emil  Roux  of 
the  Pasteur  Institute  in  Paris  announced  last 
June  the  discovery  by  two  French  physi- 
cians of  a  method  of  preparing  a  solution 
containing  living  whooping-cough  bacilli. 
This  solution  he  injected  into  one  hundred 
and  twenty-two  children  suffering  from  whoop- 
ing cough.  Fifty  of  these  children  recovered 
in  less  than  three  weeks ;  whereas,  under 
ordinary  treatment,  the  mildest  attack 
lasted  two  months.  All  of  which  is  helpful, 
and  a  step  in  the  right  direction. 

S5 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

None  who  have  ever  Hstened  month  after 
month  to  those  pitifully  ineffective  efforts  to 
dislodge  that  which  was  eating  into  living 
tissue  can  ever  forget  the  shock,  the  horror, 
the  cruel  remorselessness,  of  the  tuberculous 
cough.  For  what  seems  an  interminable 
time  the  poor  victim  gasps  and  strangles, 
finally  to  expel  a  meager  portion  of  that 
which  is  slowly  sapping  his  life.  More  omi- 
nous still  is  the  telltale  spurt  of  red.  If 
ever  a  patient  needs  expert,  competent  at- 
tention, he  requires  it  in  tuberculosis.  He 
needs  remedies  that  will  facilitate  expec- 
toration, with  the  least  deleterious  effect 
upon  the  digestion,  and  just  the  right  amount 
of  sedative  to  relieve  the  acute  irritation, 
yet  not  lock  up  the  secretions. 

Fortunately,  the  modern  treatment  of 
tuberculosis  has  worked  miracles  in  relieving 
and  curing  those  who  but  a  few  years  ago 
were  considered  doomed.  Now,  practically 
every   case,   if   it   can   be   seen   in   the   early 

56 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

stages,  and  if  the  patient  is  so  situated  that 
he  can  afford  to  rest  for  a  period,  is  curable. 
We  are  gradually  learning  to  correct  this 
form  of  cough  by  means  of  sunlight,  fresh 
air,  good  food,  hygienic  living,  and  such 
drugs  only  as  are  necessary  to  produce  the 
greatest  amount  of  action  with  the  least 
amount  of  reaction. 

While  we  are  on  this  subject,  consider  the 
husky  and  unnatural  voice  and  the  hoarse 
cough  that  come  the  '' morning  after  the 
night  before."  The  "party"  may  have  been 
a  glorious  success.  But  did  you  notice  the 
cough  ?  That  cough  warned  you  that  vi- 
tality was  lowered,  and  that  the  lungs  were 
being  driven  to  their  utmost  in  the  attempt 
to  extract  all  the  oxygen  possible  from  every 
breath  of  air.  Oxygen  is  to  life  what  fuel  is 
to  a  boiler.  It  is  the  thing  that  makes  life 
live. 

When  sufficient  oxygen  cannot  be  forced 
into  the  system,  or  when  there  are  certain 

57 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

poisons  remaining  in  the  blood,  as  follows 
excessive  drinking,  something  is  going  to  let 
down.  And  that  something  is  usually  a 
weak  spot  in  the  lungs.  It  generally  clears 
up  again,  unless  your  constitution  happens  to 
be  deficient  in  resisting  power,  and  some  one 
should  cough  or  sneeze  a  few  tubercular 
germs  in  your  direction.  Then  you  are  likely 
to  furnish  these  germs  with  a  snug  harbor  in 
your  weakened,  underoxygenized,  inflamed 
lung  cells.  Thousands  of  cases  of  consump- 
tion have  started  in  just  this  way. 

If  you  must  get  drunk,  go  into  training  for 
it,  get  into  the  very  pink  of  condition,  —  and 
afterward  sleep  off  the  effects,  first  eliminating 
all  the  alcohol  possible  through  the  pores  in 
a  Turkish  bath ;  then  sleep  in  the  open  air, 
or  in  an  exceptionally  well- ventilated  chamber. 
Never  get  intoxicated  when  you  are  fatigued. 
Be  fit  in  every  way ;  for  in  proportion  as 
you  are  tired,  a  "jag"  will  do  harm, — the 
more  fatigued,  the  more  harm.     But  perhaps 

58 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

the  surest  way  to  miss  contracting  a  ''morn- 
ing after"  cough  will  be  to  save  all  your 
alcohol  for  the  alcohol  lamp. 

The  cough  of  pneumonia  is  another  that  is 
not  wise  nor  expedient  to  stop  before  it  has 
done  what  it  started  to  do ;  that  is,  to  help 
eject  from  the  lungs  the  billions  of  pneumococ- 
cus  and  other  germs  that  cause  pneumonia, 
and  also  the  germ  products  that  are-  filling 
the  lung  cells.  Any  attempt  to  stop  this 
cough  may  result,  first  and  foremost,  in  lock- 
ing up  the  secretions,  and  next,  in  confusing 
the  symptoms.  Skillful,  prompt  action  is 
necessary  in  this  dangerous  disease.  There 
is  no  place  here  for  the  amateur  and  his 
"cures."  In  pneumonia  it  is  necessary  to  do 
something,  and  do  it  quickly,  —  or  pneu- 
monia will  do  it  first.  The  main  thing  is  to 
equalize  the  circulation,  keep  up  the  strength, 
and,  if  unable  to  abort  the  disease,  prepare 
the  patient  for  the  crisis.  Don't  try  "cough 
remedies"  in  pneumonia,  unless  it  should  be 

59 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

on  yourself,  and  you  don't  care  much  what 
happens  to  you. 

Some  people  are  highly  susceptible  to 
changes  in  temperature.  A  sudden  "drop" 
will  start  them  off  into  whoops  of  protest  — 
usually  of  a  dry,  soul-shaking  nature  —  at 
the  injustice  of  it  all.  A  mild  oil  spray, 
plain,  or  in  combination  with  some  of  the 
essential  antiseptic  oils,  affords  the  best  and 
quickest  relief.  If  the  "temperature  cough" 
is  "moist",  on  the  other  hand,  the  chances 
are  that  one  has  bronchitis,  and  needs  medi- 
cal attention. 

Those  who  work  in  an  atmosphere  where 
there  is  much  dust,  —  as  cigar  makers,  knife 
grinders,  glass  workers,  potters,  coal  miners, 
and  others,  —  suffer  from  severe  and  some- 
times painful  attacks  of  coughing.  It  is 
obvious  that  opiates,  in  fact,  medicines  of 
any  kind,  are  comparatively  valueless  here. 
The  only  measures  that  promise  any  relief 
(provided    the    self-evident    one    of    securing 

60 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

another  form  of  occupation  Is  impossible) 
are  to  have  the  nose  put  Into  perfect  condi- 
tion by  a  specialist,  and  then  wear  a  gauze 
guard  loosely  filled  with  absorbent  cotton 
every  moment  of  the  time  while  exposed. 
This  is  simple,  and  far  more  sensible  than,  for 
the  sake  of  foolish  pride,  to  go  on  and  de- 
velop '^  knife  grinders'  consumption",  or 
"miners'  asthma." 

A  form  of  cough  frequently  met  is  the 
*' nervous"  or  "hysteric"  cough.  This  is 
usually  a  short,  apologetic  sort  of  bark, 
apparently  beyond  all  power  of  the  Individual 
to  control.  It  is  often  due  to  self-conscious- 
ness, autosuggestion,  or  irritation  of  the 
pneumogastric  nerve  (the  nerve  running  be- 
tween the  stomach,  heart,  and  brain). 

This  is  a  sort  of  pussy-footed  cough,  one 
that  never  seems  to  get  anywhere,  yet  sits 
tight,  —  like  the  Old  Man  of  the  Sea  on 
the    shoulders    of    Sinbad.     Its    aggravating 

persistence  is  the  most  annoying  thing  about 

6i 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

It,  and,  strangely  enough,  it  is  infinitely  more 
annoying  to  the  relatives  and  friends  of  the 
cougher  than  it  is  to  himself.  Some  of  these 
victims  would,  no  doubt,  be  willing  to  pay 
well  for  any  magic  compound  that  would 
make  them  unconscious  of  the  dripping-water 
torture  of  having  to  listen  to  that  low,  quick 
bark,  with  the  "I  take  it  all  back"  air  of 
irresolution  about  it. 

If  it  is  a  little,  anemic,  narrow-shouldered 
man  who  is  afflicted  with  nervous  cough,  an 
almost  certain  cure  is  to  have  him  marry  a 
big,  husky  girl,  who  could  eat  him  alive. 
By  some  inscrutable  process  of  nature  he 
immediately  begins  to  tyrannize  over  her, 
and  in  the  process  of  teaching  her  to  eat  out 
of  his  hand  he  forgets  all  about  his  nervous 
cough.  And  if  the  cough  victim  happens  to 
be  a  frail  wisp  of  femininity,  the  kind  guar- 
anteed to  faint  if  a  door  should  slam  suddenly, 
marry  her  —  if  it  lies  within  human  match- 
making   ingenuity  —  to    a    burly    six-footer. 

62 


WHY  ARE   COUGHS? 

While  she  is  training  him  to  jump  through, 
roll  over,  play  dead,  and  otherwise  conduct 
himself  properly,  she  will  cease  to  cough. 

Then  we  have  ''reflex"  coughs.  They 
arise  from  irritation  and  pressure  upon  one 
or  more  organs,  perhaps  quite  remote  from 
cough  headquarters.  The  "stomach  cough" 
is  perhaps  the  most  common.  Some  one  of 
a  dozen  things  goes  wrong  with  this  organ. 
It  communicates  the  tidings  to  the  pneumo- 
gastric  nerve,  and  this  in  turn  conveys  the 
news  to  the  stopover  station  near  the  Cough 
Works.  These  sound  the  alarm,  and  notify 
various  and  sundry  who  may  be  within 
earshot  that  something  is  wrong  down  the 
line.  '  It  is  just  about  as  sensible  to  throttle 
this  cough  in  the  throat  as  it  would  be  to 
attempt  to  put  out  a  blaze  in  the  cellar  by 
chopping  a  few  shingles  off  the  roof. 

Other  reflex  causes  of  cough,  more  difficult 
to  diagnose,  arise  from  relaxation,  or  a 
''watery"   condition  of  the  respiratory  mu- 

63 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

cous  membrane,  due  to  heart  or  kidney  dis- 
ease. A  thorough  examination  with  spe- 
cial reference  to  the  excretions,  followed  by 
treatment  directed  to  the  removal  of  the 
condition,  is  the  only  course  that  promises 
definite  results  here. 

Sometimes  the  cough  arises  from  pressure 
of  a  tumor  in  one  of  the  abdominal  organs. 
This  kind  of  cough  is  readily  cured,  —  if  the 
tumor  can  be  located  and  removed. 

Certain  odors  have  a  curiously  irritating 
effect  upon  some  persons,  causing  protracted 
attacks  of  coughing.  The  effluvia  from 
stables,  or  the  disagreeable  vapor  from  gaso- 
lene combustion,  or  the  acrid  gas  of  formalde- 
hyde, used  as  a  disinfectant,  are  perhaps  the 
greatest  offenders  in  this  connection,  acting 
in  some  instances  almost  as  violently  as 
would  the  presence  of  a  minute  foreign  body 
in  the  windpipe. 

These  are  the  principal  reasons  why  we 
cough.     It  can  readily  be  understood  that  a 

64 


WHY  ARE  COUGHS? 

cough  may  be  almost  as  complicated  as  an 
attack  of  rheumatism.  It  usually  speaks  in 
a  foreign  tongue,  and  must  be  translated  into 
terms  of  symptoms  before  we  can  find  out 
what  it  is  all  about.  And  when  we  have  found 
out  we  may  have  to  treat  it  with  the  dis- 
tinguished consideration  we  would  accord  a 
minister  plenipotentiary;  for  the  message  it 
bears  may  have  no  more  connection  with  its 
apparent  origin  than  the  minister's  knee 
breeches  have  to  do  with  the  amount  of 
gray  matter  he  carries  under  his  hat.  That 
is  why  coughs  are  one  of  the  most  fascinating 
studies  in  medical  practice. 


6s 


CHAPTER  V 
That  Tired  Feeling 

DOCTORS  deny  that  "that  tired  feel- 
ing" exists.  They  contend  that  there 
is  no  more  reason  for  spring  fever  than  there 
is  for  winter,  or  summer,  or  fall  fever.  The 
ponderous  repositories  of  medical  wisdom  are 
silent  on  the  subject,  implying  by  this  silence 
that  about  nothing  there  is  nothing  to  say. 
But  the  fellow  that  has  it  knows  better. 

For  in  the  spring,  when  a  young  man's 
fancy  lightly  turns  to  thoughts  of  love  and 
baseball,  the  general  fancy  turns  more  or 
less  to  thoughts  of  "sarsperella",  sulphur 
and  molasses,  and  other  "blood  purifiers." 
Perhaps  this  fancy  is  much  more  chronic  and 

widespread   than   a   mere   disease;    for   it   is 

66 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

also  a  state  of  mind.  It  is  a  sort  of  Chris- 
tian Science  turned  inside  out  and  upside 
down.  Instead  of  affirming  that  there  is 
not,  nor  can  there  be,  any  such  thing  as 
pain  and  sickness,  the  victim  of  ''that  tired 
feeling"  enthusiastically  insists  that  there 
can  be  nothing  else  —  in  the  spring,  at  any 
rate. 

This  obsession  had  its  roots  in  the  insist- 
ent demand  of  the  human  economy  for  green 
vegetables,  fruits,  and  natural  acids  after  a 
long  period  of  subsistence  upon  pickled, 
jerked,  smoked,  and  otherwise  maltreated 
meat,  plus  a  winter's  course  of  mealy  po- 
tatoes, yielding  a  mess  of  starch,  sugar,  and 
acid  fermentation. 

Possibly  none,  except  those  who  are  old 
enough  to  have  had  bitter  experience  with 
this  rigorous  diet,  can  appreciate  the  degree 
of  craving  that  can  be  generated  for  mere 
food,  —  any  food,  so  long  as  it  is  not  the  kind 
they  have  been  having.     After  weary  months 

67 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

of  a  regimen  varied  only  by  an  occasional 
pickle  or  plate  of  sauerkraut,  the  average 
man  or  woman  of  the  good  old  days  — 
which  are  good  only  because  they  are  dead 
—  would  cheerfully  have  committed  high- 
way robbery  for  a  dish  of  fresh  greens. 

In  those  golden  days,  when  the  stomach 
turned  over  with  a  despairing  moan  every 
time  it  heard  the  dinner  bell,  when  it  shud- 
dered at  the  thought  of  tackling  a  big  piece 
of  fat  pork  or  corned  beef  for  the  hundredth 
time  running,  it  is  no  wonder  that  it  greeted 
with  delight  anything  that  promised  to  be 
different.  And  what  less  resembled  food 
than  bitters,  laxatives,  and  "blood  purifiers"  ^ 
What  more  sensible  than  to  discontinue,  for 
a  period,  the  heavy,  cloying  meals,  and  give 
the  system  a  rest  and  scouring  out  ?  Indeed, 
to  cheer  up  a  sulking  liver,  and  make  it  feel 
that  it  really  was  of  some  consequence  in  the 
internal  economy  was  fulfilling  man's  highest 
duty  to  himself. 

68 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

Thus,  as  our  forebears  were  never  homeo- 
pathically  inclined,  it  became  the  fashion  to 
have  a  regular  knock-down-and-d  rag-out 
spring  house-cleaning.  The  pharmacopoeia 
was  fine-combed  for  remedies  that  meant 
well,  some  of  which,  in  fact,  were  not  bad  if 
used  moderately  and  "mixed  with  a  little 
brains."  But,  on  the  principle  that  if  a 
little  was  good  a  good  deal  must  be  better, 
it  became  the  fashion  to  take  medicine  by 
the  tin  dipperful.  No  namby-pamby  weak- 
lings these,  our  rugged  ancestors !  Experi- 
ence finally  taught  them  —  or  their  heirs 
and  assigns  —  to  avoid  the  tremendous 
doses  of  calomel  or  "blue  mass"  that  loosened 
every  tooth  in  their  heads,  and  the  drastic 
potions  of  jalap,  "seeny"  tea,  and  other  too 
active  medicaments  that  now,  happily,  have 
gone  into  the  discard.  Also  poisonous  peach- 
leaf  tea,  with  its  heavy  prussic  acid  content, 
strychnine,  caffeine,  and  the  practice  of 
taking  handfuls  of  quinine  were  abandoned, 

69 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

and  the  victims  of  spring  fever  finally  settled 
upon  plain  "boneset  tea"  and  other  "yarbs." 

The  only  disastrous  consequence  of  over- 
dosing with  these  potent  ''cures"  was  that  of 
getting  waterlogged  and  foundering  in  the 
freshet.  And  if  the  stalwart  yeoman  swathed 
himself  in  half-inch  woolens,  went  to  bed 
thus  accoutered,  and  piled  on  heavy  masses 
of  blankets  or  a  thirty-pound  feather  bed, 
even  this  unpleasant  experience  was  avoided, 
because  the  perspiratory  glands  carried  off 
the  excess  wetness  before  it  could  produce  a 
permanent  dilation  of  the  stomach. 

If  anything  had  the  temerity  to  attempt 

to  clog  the  body  glands   and  the  organs  of 

elimination,    it    was    literally    swept    off    its 

feet    by    this    tremendous    spring    flood.     It 

may  be  here  admitted,  in  further  justification 

of  the   ancient   custom,   that   any   course  of 

action    that    contemplates    drowning    disease 

in  hot  drinks,  baths,  and  sweats,  which  will 

keep  its  owner  In  bed  until  the  treatment  has 

70 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

done  Its  worst,  is  bound  to  score  a  large  per- 
centage of  cures. 

After  this  active  elimination  followed  the 
"spring  tonics",  which  buttressed  up  the 
good  work.  These  were  composed  of  harm- 
less sassafras  root,  cherry  bark,  sarsaparilla, 
slippery  elm,  or  the  mouth-filling  and  drastic 
sulphur  and  molasses,  which,  if  it  did  no  good, 
certainly  could  not  be  charged  with  having 
done  much  harm,  unless  the  harm  consisted 
in  taking  something  into  the  system  that 
was  unnecessary  and  therefore  irritating. 

The  early  spring  greens,  such  as  dande- 
lion, pokeweed,  and  hops,  were  also  in  great 
favor  about  this  time,  or  a  little  later  — 
and  small  wonder ! 

So  we  have  seen  that  there  really  existed  a 
necessity  for  "spring  dosing."  It  was  a 
purely  natural  condition,  dependent  upon  un- 
natural conditions  of  living.  I  find  peculiar 
pleasure  in  saying  a  good  word  for  the  treat- 
ment   practised    by   these    old    fellows,    who 

71 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

acted  according  to  their  lights ;  for  where 
there  is  much  smoke  there  is  always 
some  fire.  In  our  modern  sophistication  we 
are  perhaps  too  prone  to  forget  this  axiom, 
and  to  hoot  derisively  at  old  methods  just 
because  they  are  old. 

Also  we  fail  to  get  the  proper  perspective. 
We  smile  indulgently  at  the  quaint  notion 
that  there  should  be  a  physical,  as  well  as  a 
general,  house-cleaning  every  spring ;  but  we 
fail  to  remember  that  the  reason  that  im- 
pelled this  feverish  activity  in  a  former  gener- 
ation now  no  longer  exists  ;  or,  perhaps  more 
accurately,  would  no  longer  exist  if  every- 
body took  proper  food,  exercise,  and  fresh 
air  twelve  months  in  the  year. 

In  this  wonderful  era  of  canned  fruits, 
cold  storage,  refrigerator  cars,  and  reasonably 
priced  hothouse  vegetables,  there  is  not  the 
same  excuse  for  spring  fever  as  in  our  fathers' 
time.  Still,  "that  tired  feeling"  does  exist, 
and,  like  the  babbling  brook,  will  probably 

^^ 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

run  on  forever,  unless  humanity  ultimately 
learns  to  obey  certain  immutable  physio- 
logical laws. 

This  brings  us  to  the  point  :  What  do  we 
mean  by  ''that  tired  feeling",  and  how  may 
we  avoid  the  thing  without  imperiling  our 
lives  by  resorting  to  the  methods  of  our 
heroic  forefathers  ? 

The  old  conception  of  the  cause  of  spring 
fever  was  that  during  the  winter  the  system 
accumulated  a  mass  of  waste  material,  popu- 
larly designated  as  bile,  jaundice  (better 
known  as  "janders",  or  "spleen").  The 
logical  sequel  to  this  belief  was  that  something 
was  necessary  in  order  to  rid  the  system  of 
this  accumulation,  the  quicker  the  better. 

Now,  we  might  argue  until  we  were  blue 
in  the  face  that,  with  the  liberal  diet  which 
modern  methods  of  preserving  fruits  and 
vegetables  have  brought  about,  there  is  no 
further  necessity  for  spring  lassitude.  Yet 
any    number    of    people    regularly    have    it ; 

73 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

and  it  isn't  all  in  their  imaginations,  either. 
We  might  reason  with  them  to  the  effect 
that,  considering  the  dietetic  opportunities 
of  the  twentieth  century,  they  couldn't  pos- 
sibly have  spring  fever,  after  the  manner  of 
the  lawyer  who  told  his  imprisoned  client 
that  they  couldn't  put  him  into  jail  for  this, 
against  which  the  client  protested  emphati- 
cally and  profanely  that,  notwithstanding  the 
law  and  the  technical  theories,  he  already  was 
in  jail.  The  spring  feverites  would  reply  in 
like  manner  —  omitting,  of  course,  the  pro- 
fane expletives  —  that,  while  they  have  no 
philosophical  cause  for  "that  tired  feeling", 
yet  they  have  it  just  the  same. 

There  are  well-defined  causes  for  this  very 
general  condition.  I  conceive  at  least  four, 
which  we  will  consider  in  the  order  of  their 
relative  importance. 

First,  overacid  stomach.  By  "overacid" 
we  mean  the  acid  resulting  from  fermenta- 
tion of  starches  and  sugars.     Rarely  or  never 

74 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

is  there  an  excess  of  hydrochloric,  the  normal 
stomach  acid.  In  fact,  there  is  usually  a 
deficiency  of  this  normal  acid  in  the  con- 
dition known  as  hyperacidity.  And,  para- 
doxical as  it  may  appear,  a  course  of  the 
normal  gastric  acid  will  sometimes  prevent 
the  formation  of  the  other  kind. 

In  hyperacidity  there  is  a  feeling  of  heavi- 
ness in  the  abdomen,  with  flatulence,  belch- 
ing of  gas,  and  eructations  of  a  highly  acrid 
liquid.  "Heartburn"  is  temporarily  re- 
lieved when  the  irritating  acid  content  of 
the  stomach  is  diluted  by  adding  food  to  it. 
This  quiets  it  for  a  time,  after  which  it  blazes 
forth  as  though  fresh  fuel  had  been  thrown 
on  the  fire  as  in  truth  it  has  been.  Milk  of 
magnesia  or  other  alkalies  may  give  relief; 
but  unless  the  condition  is  of  recent  develop- 
ment this  relief  is  merely  palliative.  The 
fault  is  deeper. 

The  second  cause  for  "that  tired  feeling" 
follows  hard  upon  the  first.     In  fact,  it  is  a 

75 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

result  or  a  cause,  depending  upon  which 
point  of  the  circumference  of  the  vicious 
circle  we  happen  to  be  examining.  This 
thing  is  toxemia.  Its  symptoms  are  so  plain 
that  those  who  run  may  read  them  without 
eye-strain. 

The  victim  is  listless,  without  ambition. 
He  doesn't  "care  a  rap  whether  school  keeps 
or  not."  If  he  inclines  in  either  direction, 
he  would  perhaps  rather  it  didn't.  He  has 
difficulty  in  concentrating  his  mind ;  his 
memory  is  annoyingly  defective.  He  may 
remember  all  the  details  of  a  fishing  trip 
taken  in  1908 ;  but  he  can't,  for  the  life 
of  him,  remember  what  he  had  for  luncheon 
or  where  he  put  his  pipe.  He  is  drowsy, 
and  very  likely  to  drop  asleep  without  prov- 
ocation ;  yet  his  sleep  is  restless  and  un- 
refreshing.  The  more  he  gets,  the  more  he 
seems  to  need,  and  yet  it  is  too  much  of  an 
effort  to  stay  awake,  or  it  doesn't  seem 
worth    while.     In    short,    he    is    completely 

76 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

'^ragged  out"  and  miserable.  He  is  in 
that  condition  characterized  as  ''not  right", 
lacking  animation,  viriUty,  and  "punch." 
We  shall  see  presently  how  closely  his  tox- 
emia is  bound  up  with  his  hyperacidity. 

The  next  most  frequent  cause  for  "that 
tired  feeling"  is  neurasthenia.  This  has  as 
many  aspects  as  old  Proteus  himself ;  but  in 
this  chapter  we  will  consider  only  that  phase 
of  it  which  is  related  to  our  subject.  Neuras- 
thenia can  be  distinguished  by  the  various 
disagreeable  symptoms  it  produces.  Among 
these  are  headache  and  backache,  with  a 
"deadening"  of  all  the  organs  concerned  in 
digestion,  metabolism,  and  elimination ;  a 
profound  nervous  and  muscular  weakness, 
melancholy  and  general  depression,  mental 
irritability,  and  sleeplessness.  In  fact,  when 
the  nerves  "let  down"  there  is  little  or 
nothing  that  may  not  happen  to  a  person. 

The  fourth  common  cause  for  spring  fever 
is  oxygen  starvation.     There  is  hardly  any- 

n 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

thing  that  can  be  drunk  out  of  a  bottle  that 
will  produce  headache,  lassitude,  or  the  gen- 
eral debility  signs  of  spring  fever  any  sooner 
than  oxygen  hunger,  notwithstanding  the 
fact  that  a  human  being  can  accustom  him- 
self to  almost  any  amount  of  abuse. 

One  almost  universal  method  of  indulging 
in  this  abuse  is  to  exclude  good  air  and  re- 
breathe  the  bad  air  in  a  room,  —  air  from 
which  most  of  the  oxygen  has  been  exhausted, 
and  replaced  with  carbon  dioxide.  Now,  a 
human  being  is,  or  should  be,  an  outdoor 
animal.  He  usually  is,  in  summer;  for 
doors  and  windows  are  then  constantly  open ; 
but  in  the  winter  humanity  shuts  itself  up 
in  hermetically  sealed  boxes  as  nearly  as 
possible.  From  houses,  offices,  churches, 
theaters,  street  cars,  trains,  from  every  place 
where  oxygen  should  be  available,  it  is  ex- 
cluded, chiefly  for  economic  reasons. 

It  costs  money  to  heat  a  house  or  a  street 
car.     It  is  less  expensive  to  bottle  up  last 

78 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

summer's  air,  and  breathe  it  over  and  over 
again ;  that  is,  it  seems  less  expensive.  In 
reality  it  is  not ;  for  the  cost  falls  upon  the 
ultimate  consumer  in  this  as  in  other  cases 
where  the  overhead  charges  are  '' passed 
along."  The  transportation  company  saves 
money  by  herding  passengers  into  inade- 
quate boxes.  These  are  warmed  somewhat 
as  the  "breath  of  lowing  kine"  warmed  the 
stable  in  Burns's  beautiful  poem.  But  the 
loss  in  energy  on  the  part  of  passengers,  con- 
sequent upon  having  to  rebreathe  one  an- 
other's carbonic  gas  exhalation,  is  decided. 
The  householder  also  thinks  he  is  saving 
money,  to  which  the  coal  man  or  the  gas 
company  are  legitimately  entitled,  by  fasten- 
ing weather  strips  on  all  doors  and  win- 
dows, and  by  educating  the  family  to  shout 
in  horrified  unison,  "Shut  that  door!"  In 
fact,  slamming  the  door  in  triumph  of  dex- 
terity is  our  most  proficient  winter  accom- 
plishment.    Yet,    if   a   tithe   of   this    energy 

79 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

were    employed    in   holding    the    door   open, 

so  that  the  family  might  have  the  benefit  of 

breathing  a  little  more  oxygen  and  a  little 

less  carbonic  acid  gas,  the  chances  are  that 

they  would  be  energized  into  doing  a  quantity 

and  quality  of  work  that  would  insure  them 

an  increased  income,  —  an  income  more  than 

adequate    to   buy    many   thousand   units    of 

whatever  it  is  they  burn  as  fuel.     And  in  the 

meantime  they  would  be  oxidizing  their  food, 

and    thereby    preventing    the    formation    of 

underoxidized      "end      products", — uncon- 

sumed  clinkers,  which  remain  in  the  system 

to  clog,  poison,  and  depress. 

So  the  cure  of  these  four  causes  of  spring 

fever     is     ridiculously    simple.    "  It    consists 

merely  in   a   radical   regulation  of  the   diet, 

based  upon  the  physical  needs  of  the  body, 

liberal  flushing  of  the  system  with  plain  cool 

water,  —  the    plainer    the    better,  —  and    a 

plentiful  increase  in  the  intake  of  oxygen. 

It  should  be  remembered  that  the  system 

80 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

requires  just  about  so  much  nutritive  ma- 
terial —  or  perhaps  a  little  bit  more,  for  good 
measure.  Roughly,  the  average  requirement 
for  all  races  of  mankind  is  the  amount  that 
will  furnish  from  two  thousand  to  three 
thousand  calories  of  heat  every  twenty-four 
hours.  A  calory  is  the  amount  required  to 
raise  the  temperature  of  one  pint  of  water 
four  degrees  Fahrenheit.  If  a  man  rises 
from  his  chair  and  walks  about  eight  feet, 
then  returns,  he  uses  up  one  of  these  units. 
Yet  the  body  even  while  resting,  or  quiet  in 
sleep,  is  constantly  using  up  energy.  It  is 
also  giving  off  heat  about  as  rapidly  as  a 
sixteen-candlepower  electric  lamp. 

There  is  only  one  way  to  supply  this  heat 
and  energy,  and  that  is  to  oxidize  the  food. 
As  only  a  certain  amount  of  oxygen  can  be 
taken  into  the  system  by  the  ordinary  pro- 
cess of  breathing,  it  can  readily  be  seen  that 
something  is  going  to  be  slighted  :    first,   if 

more   food   is   taken   than   can   be   perfectly 

8i 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

transformed  and  oxidized ;  next,  if  the  wrong 
kinds  of  food  are  taken ;  thirdly,  if  an  undue 
amount  of  nervous  energy  is  used  for  which 
there  is  no  adequate  return;  and  fourthly, 
if  an  insufficient  amount  of  oxygen  is  pro- 
vided for  oxidation  purposes. 

Therefore,  to  have  a  reverent  care  for  our 
health  (as  Falstaff  advises),  and  dodge  the 
bogy  of  spring  fever,  it  will  be  necessary  to 
observe  these  four  principles  more  or  less 
strictly.  We  must  be  certain  that  we  have 
selected  actual  food  for  our  systems,  and  not 
compounds  that  will  develop  poisons  to 
paralyze  us. 

Bear  in  mind  that  there  can  be  only  suf- 
ficient oxygen  taken  into  the  system  to  oxi- 
dize a  certain  amount  of  food;  further, 
that  starches,  by  reason  of  their  more  rapid 
conversion,  get  this  oxygen  attention  first. 
(This  also  applies  to  sugars  —  particularly 
cane  sugar.)     Consequently,  when  the  meats 

are   transformed   into   albuminoids,    and   are 

82 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

ready  for  oxidation,  there  is  no  oxygen  left 
for  them.     They  only  putrefy. 

This  is  strikingly  illustrated  in  the  case 
of  meat,  potato,  and  starchy  dessert  meals. 
The  potato  contains  a  high  percentage  of 
starch  (about  14.7),  and  a  very  low  per- 
centage of  proteid,  or  muscle-building  ma- 
terial (about  1.8).  It  would  be  necessary 
to  eat  about  a  peck  of  potatoes  at  every 
meal  in  order  to  get  sufficient  nutritive  ma- 
terial for  body  repair.  But  they  digest  rap- 
idly, and  incidentally  use  up  all  the  available 
oxygen  in  the  system.  Consequently,  when 
the  meat  part  of  the  meal  is  ready  for  oxida- 
tion, there  is  no  oxygen  left  for  it.  So  it 
breaks  down  and  forms  toxic  materials,  which 
are  absorbed  into  the  blood  stream,  there  to 
irritate  and  poison  the  nerve  and  tissue  cells. 
This  produces  headaches,  lassitude,  and  all 
the  general  symptoms  of  ^'that  tired  feeling." 

The  commonly  accepted  diagnosis  and  pre- 
scription   in    such    cases    used    to    run    after 

83 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

this  style  :  ''Your  trouble  is  caused  by  eating 
too  much  meat.  Restrict  the  meat  and  live 
on  vegetables."  This  caused  the  patient  to 
grow  weaker  and  yet  more  weak,  for  the 
simple  reason  that  there  wasn't  sufficient 
nourishment  in  the  "no  meat"  diet  to  supply 
the  requisite  number  of  calories  of  heat  and 
force,  and  at  the  same  time  provide  the  pabu- 
lum for  repairing  wasted  muscle  and  nerve  cells. 
Nowadays  the  scientific  dietist  finds  out, 
from  an  examination  of  the  excretions,  just 
how  much  material  is  being  utilized,  and 
how  much  is  undergoing  decomposition. 
Then,  instead  of  "cutting  out"  the  things 
that  seem  to  be  causing  the  trouble,  he  elimi- 
nates the  things,  or  a  goodly  portion  of 
them,  that  are  digesting  without  difficulty. 
And  in  so  doing  he  is  giving  the  system  the 
food  that  is  necessary  to  keep  up  its  strength, 
and  is  also  permitting  it  to  have  a  fair  chance 
at  the  oxygen  content.  In  other  words,  he 
has    now    discovered   that   the   best   way   to 

84 


THAT  TIRED   FEELING 

prevent  meat  intolerance  is  to  interdict  po- 
tatoes and  starches. 

This  is  the  secret  of  the  whole  complex 
matter  :  To  give  but  little  more  food  than 
can  be  oxidized,  to  give  that  particular  class 
of  food  which  is  essential  to  the  building  up 
of  the  body,  and  to  withhold,  or  limit,  the 
other  varieties. 

Further  to  prevent  putrefaction  of  the 
meat  foods,  the  internist  gives  fruit  only  by 
itself :  never  in  combination  with  a  meal. 
For  when  a  mass  of  material,  supersaturated 
with  a  fruit  acid,  goes  into  a  defenseless 
stomach,  the  fruit  acid  prevents  the  proper  se- 
cretion of  the  natural  stomach  acid,  and  with- 
out the  natural  hydrocholoric  acid,  albumin- 
cannot  be  converted  into  its  next  digestive 
form.  Another  result  is  acid  fermentation  in 
whatever  starches  and  sugars  may  be  present. 

Therefore,  eat  liberally  of  fruit,  especially 
if  you  are  spring-feverish ;  but  eat  it  when 
the  stomach  has  nothing  else  to  worry  about. 

8s 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

The  food  should  be  thoroughly  prepared 
for  digestion  by  being  carefully  chewed ;  not 
Fletcherized,  but  masticated.  This  will  show 
proper  respect  for  those  greatly  neglected 
members,  the  teeth,  and  also  to  what  passes 
between  them. 

Remember  also  that  fatigue  is  a  danger 
signal ;  for  it  indicates  that  the  lungs  are  not 
throwing  off  the  carbon  dioxide  so  rapidly  as 
it  is  forming  and  accumulating.  The  cure 
for  this  carbon  dioxide  poisoning  is  to  rest  — 
rest  and  breathe.  There  is  no  other  antidote 
or  remedy  for  fatigue.  Only  through  the 
lungs  can  the  fatigue  poison  be  worked  off. 
Breathe  deeply ;  but  be  certain  to  breathe 
pure  air  containing  the  requisite  oxygen. 

If  these  simple  rules  are  followed,  the 
goblins  of  spring  fever  and  "janders"  will 
never  "git"  you.  You  will  be  able  to  bid 
defiance  to  almost  anything  except  accident, 
death,  and  the  tax  gatherer. 


86 


CHAPTER  VI 

Why  does  a  Head  Ache  ? 

FOR  ages  humanity  has  raved  about  the 
"sympathetic"  heart.  Medals  and 
iron  crosses  galore  have  been  pinned  upon  it 
for  special  softness.  It  is  the  minaretted 
peak  of  applied  tenderness. 

All  this  is  perfectly  pure  piffle.  It  is  not 
the  heart  that  is  soft,  sym.pathetic,  and 
tender,  that  throbs  with  solicitude  for  the 
well-being  of  its  owner,  that  writhes  in  an- 
guish when  anything  goes  wrong  with  the 
republic  of  cells  he  carries  around  between 
his  hat  and  his  shoes. 

It's  his  head,  his  soft,  sympathetic  head. 
For  this  useful  and  occasionally  ornamental 
member  is  capable  of  more  sacrifices  and  vi- 

87 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

carious  atonements  than  tongue  hath  power 
to  tell,  or  pen  to  write  down.  It  aches  for 
more  reasons  than  any  dozen  ill-disposed 
organs  of  the  body  can  conjure  up.  If  the 
liver,  the  malaria-infected  blood,  the 
stomach,  the  ears  or  eyes,  or,  in  fact,  any 
member  in  the  partnership  of  organs  we 
call  the  body,  doesn't  like  the  way  it  is  being 
treated,  all  it  has  to  do  is  to  tell  the  head 
about  it.  Be  it  ever  so  humble,  the  abused 
one  commands  the  head  to  ache,  and  the 
head    cheerfully    and    promptly    acquiesces. 

Perhaps  the  most  common  form,  particu- 
larly as  it  afflicts  the  more  susceptible  sex, 
is  nerve  irritation.  Loss  of  sleep,  a  spoiled 
skirt,  a  too-talkative  visitor,  a  dull  play  or 
book,  grief  or  a  fit  of  crying,  a  corn  stepped 
on  by  some  heavy-footed  clod,  anything, 
in  fact,  that  worries  or  hurts  the  nervous 
system,  can  and  does  make  the  head  ache. 

The  next  most  common  cause  of  headache 
is  poisoning,  arising  from  the  absorption  into 

88 


WHY  DOES   A  HEAD  ACHE? 

the  circulation  of  toxic  materials  generated 
in  the  intestines.  These  retained  products 
of  putrefactive  fermentation  are  among  the 
most  dangerous  poisons  known  to  man,  being 
twin  brothers  to  the  deadly  curare,  with 
which  the  Orinoco  Indians  tip  their  murder- 
ous arrows.  If  isolated,  and  injected 
directly  into  the  blood,  these  "putrefactive 
alkaloids",  as  they  are  called,  would  kill 
like  cobra  venom.  Fortunately,  in  passing 
into  the  blood  by  absorption,  their  virulence 
is  partly  neutralized  and  overcome.  But 
they  are  still  poisonous  enough.  Hence,  the 
relief  of  constipation,  and  a  mild  course  of 
cathartics  are  perhaps  the  most  useful  and 
indispensable  of  all  headache  cures. 

Another  condition  of  self-poisoning  devel- 
ops from  loading  the  system  with  fatigue 
poisons, — toxic  material  which  accumulates 
in  the  blood  faster  than  the  oxygen  of  the 
red  cells  can  burn  it  up.  This  causes  the 
shopper's  and  shop-girl's  headache,  and  that 

89 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

dull  throb  resulting  from  muscle-tire.  The 
head  is  imperatively  demanding  rest  and 
quiet,  and  a  chance  to  catch  up  with  and 
destroy  the  body's  under-oxidized  cell  debris. 

The  ''stuffy  room"  and  "sermon"  head- 
aches are  fatigue  poison  pains.  In  these 
conditions  we  not  only  are  not  getting  suf- 
ficient oxygen  to  overcome  the  poisons  we 
ourselves  are  constantly  generating,  but  we 
are  breathing,  in  the  form  of  carbon  dioxide, 
poisons  emanating  from  several  hundred 
other  humans. 

Good  old-fashioned  biliousness  is  a  fine 
and  adequate  cause  for  headache,  —  head- 
ache actually  mulish  in  its  obstinacy.  A 
judicious  amount  of  starvation,  together  with 
copious  flushing  of  the  system  with  lemon 
water,  or  some  mild  alkaline  liver  stimulant, 
usually  works  wonders  for  these. 

''Sour   stomach"    also  produces   its   quota 

of  headaches.     Abstinence  from  fried  foods, 

pastries,  excess  of  starches  and  sugars,  and 

90 


WHY   DOES  A  HEAD  ACHE? 

an  occasional  dose  or  two  of  milk  of  magnesia 
or  some  other  efficient  alkali  will  correct 
this. 

Overeating  is  a  sore  provoker  of  cranial 
pains.  The  toxic  material  generated  by  fer- 
mentation of  too  much  food,  or  too  much  of 
the  wrong  kind  of  food,  circulating  through  the 
delicate  nerve  fibers  of  the  face  and  head, 
manifests  itself  as  pain.  This  is  the  variety 
of  headache  that  most  frequently  punishes 
high  livers  and  low  thinkers. 

Eye-strain  is  probably  the  next  most  fre- 
quent cause  of  head  pains.  It  is  really  sur- 
prising how  strongly  the  eyes  object  to  such 
trifles  as  being  exposed  to  the  glare  of  the 
sand,  sea,  or  bright  light,  or  to  too  long- 
continued  focusing  on  a  flickering  moving- 
picture  screen,  or  to  being  employed  for 
reading,  working,  or  embroidery  purposes, 
hours  on  end,  or  even  to  the  mere  fact 
of  the  ocular  muscles  being  improperly 
balanced. 

91 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

One  would  think  that  these  muscles,  by  a 
process  of  evolutionary  development,  would 
have  become  accustomed  to  all  such  manifold 
abuses  by  this  time.  But  emphatically  such 
is  not  the  case.  And  so,  every  once  in  a 
while,  such  men  as  Doctor  Gould,  of  Phila- 
delphia, or  Doctor  Baldwin,  of  Kalamazoo, 
Michigan,  instantly  and  permanently  re- 
lieve some  bad  case  of  headache,  perhaps 
of  years'  standing,  by  correcting  the  im- 
balance of  the  ocular  muscles,  either  by 
operation,  or  by  "fogging"  the  vision  with 
prisms. 

Many  suffer  from  headache  as  a  result  of 
intently  watching  a  theatrical  performance. 
This  is  because  the  attempt  to  keep  the  stage 
in  constant  focus  exhausts  the  nerve  centers. 
Seated  in  darkness,  and  staring  at  an  in- 
tensely lighted  stage,  produces  in  these  pa- 
tients headaches  that  sometimes  last  for 
days.  Those  subject  to  this  form  of  trouble 
should   never  sit  in  the  "bald-headed  row", 

92 


WHY  DOES   A   HEAD  ACHE? 

or  where  it  is  necessary  to  raise  the  eyes  to 
watch  the  stage. 

In  chronic  headache,  where  no  specific 
cause  can  be  eUcited,  especially  in  men  or 
women  who  live  a  sedentary  life,  and  partake 
freely  of  lobster  a-la-Newburg  and  a  high 
proteid  diet,  careful  urinalysis  and  blood 
pressure  tests  should  be  made  at  least  once 
a  year,  to  determine  whether  or  not  the 
kidneys  are  acting  normally.  Many  hun- 
dreds of  lives  might  be  annually  saved  by 
thus  determining  the  presence  of  arterio- 
sclerosis and  kidney  disease  while  in  their 
early  and  curable  stages. 

Caffeine  stimulation,  in  the  form  of  ex- 
cessive coffee  drinking,  is  another  prevalent 
cause  for  headache.  Coffee  is  a  most  useful, 
and  up  to  a  certain  point,  a  most  beneficial 
tonic  and  stimulant.  But  too  much  is  more 
than  plenty,  especially  if  taken  at  night  in 
sufficient  quantities  to  produce  insomnia, 
or  disturbing,  restless  dreams. 

93 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

Abuse  of  tobacco  is  aru3ther  cause  for  ach- 
ing head.  The  banquet  or  the  "smoker" 
may  have  been  a  grand  success.  And  the 
susceptible  banqueter  may  have  been  most 
abstemious ;  he  may  even  have  Hmited  him- 
self to  his  usual  restricted  quota  of  cigars. 
But  notwithstanding  this  adherence  to  rule, 
he  absorbed  too  much  carbon  dioxide  and 
the  noxious  gases  from  the  other  fellow's 
smoke.  For  hours  he  gridironed  himself  by 
inhaling  these  poisonous  products.  And  so 
the  next  morning  his  head  tries  its  best  — 
in  its  artless,  plaintive  way  —  to  tell  him  about 
the  need  of  his  body  for  more  oxygen  in  order 
to  burn  up  the  poisons  accumulated  the 
night  before. 

Decayed  teeth  are  not  infrequent  causes  of 
neuralgic  headaches,  as  they  are  of  many  much 
more  serious  pathological  conditions.  In  this 
era  of  competent  dentistry  and  free  dental 
clinics  there  is  no  longer  any  logical  excuse 
for  poisoning  oneself  by  decay  from  the  teeth. 

94 


WHY  DOES  A  HEAD  ACHE? 

Sometimes  a  ''slipped"  or  "rotated"  cervi- 
cal vertebra  is  the  cause  of  dull  and  pro- 
tracted head  pain.  A  skilful  osteopath,  by 
a  judicious  stretching  of  the  vertebral  mus- 
cles, together  with  manipulation  of  the  bones 
of  the  spine,  can  usually  reduce  this  cause  to 
a  condition  of  non-existence  in  a  few  brief 
minutes. 

Catarrh  and  long-continued  irritations  of 
the  nasal  cavities,  from  twisted  septums, 
enlarged  turbinate  bones,  or  thickened 
mucous  membranes,  are  prolific  sources  of 
headaches.  The  services  of  a  nose  and 
throat  specialist  are  necessary  here,  although 
if  the  cause  be  merely  congestion  of  the  nasal 
membranes,  strong  pressure  on  the  center  of 
the  tongue  morning  and  evening  with  a  tongue 
depressor,  after  the  FitzGerald  method,  has 
often  given  complete  relief. 

Doctor  FitzGerald's  discovery,  by  the  way, 
is  also  valuable  in  the  treatment  of  nervous 
and     neuralgic     headaches.     Firm     pressure 

95 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

with  the  thumb  on  the  roof  of  the  mouth 
(the  hard  palate),  directly  under  the  seat 
of  pain,  continued  for  from  two  to  four 
minutes,  has  in  hundreds  of  instances  been 
most  effectual. 

Headache  powders  or  tablets,  most  of 
which  contain  acetanalid,  a  poisonous  heart 
depressant,  should  never  be  used,  except 
under  the  advice  of  a  physician.  They 
merely  mask  the  true  cause  of  the  trouble, 
and  tend  to  develop  a  "dope"  habit.  Also 
they  produce  a  depraved  state  of  the  blood, 
and  may  even  cause  death. 

It  is  to  be  hoped  that  sometime  in  the  near 
future  the  Government,  as  a  measure  in  life 
and  health  conservation,  will  force  upon  all 
manufacturers  of  headache  powders  the 
necessity  of  labeling  their  preparations  with 
this  inspiring  legend:  "Contains  acetanalid, 
a  poisonous  heart  depressant." 

So  headache  invariably  means  something. 
In  fact,  if  we  would  take  the  trouble  to  find 

96 


WHY  DOES  A  HEAD  ACHE  ? 

out  what  this  something  is,  and  remove  it, 
headache  would  be  the  most  useful  and  life- 
saving  pain  in  the  medical  dictionary.  But 
however  else  headache  may  be  treated,  it 
should  never  be  treated  with  contempt. 
Headaches  that  cannot  be  relieved  by  cold 
towels,  hot  water  bottles,  smelling  salts, 
rest,  elimination,  regulation  of  the  diet,  or 
some  of  the  simpler,  nonharmless  methods, 
invariably  should  be   referred  to  a  doctor. 

The  real  and  tremendously  useful  function 
of  headache  is  to  serve  as  a  combination 
fire-alarm  and  police  whistle  for  the  body's 
protection.  Any  system  of  living  which 
automatically  silences  this  alarm  must,  of 
necessity,  be  a  health  and  life  insurance  of 
the  first  water.  From  which  we  infer  that 
if  we  had  as  much  sense  as  a  headache  we 
would  never  have  one. 


97 


CHAPTER  VII 

The  Demon  of  Insomnia 

THE  most  dangerous  things  about  in- 
somina  are  the  remedies  used  to  club 
it  into  insensibility.  Nine  times  out  of  ten 
insomnia  is  likely  to  be  something  that 
should  not  be  clubbed.  If  we  could  find  out 
what  this  something  else  is,  and  cure  it,  the 
insomnia  would  take  care  of  itself. 

To  bludgeon  an  undernourished  set  of 
nerves,  an  irritated  digestive  or  circulatory 
apparatus,  or  an  oxygen-starved  system  with 
"sleeping  powders"  or  "knockout  drops"  is 
not  only  foolish,  but  actually  criminal. 

Because  an  individual  has,  before  retiring, 
filled  his  mind  with  an  exciting  romance  or 
his    stomach    with    an    indigestible    meal,    or 

98 


THE   DEMON   OF   INSOMNIA 

has  stimulated  his  heart  and  nervous  system 
with  too  much  tea,  coffee,  tobacco,  or 
alcohol,  is  no  reason  he  should  further 
poison  himself  with  hypnotics  or  narcotics. 
For,  be  it  remembered,  excessive  drinking, 
smoking,  eating,  reading,  or  playing  increases 
blood  tension  in  the  arteries,  and  makes  the 
heart  beat  more  rapidly.  And  anything  that 
makes  the  heart  beat  more  rapidly  around 
bedtime  is  good  for  insomnia,  but  bad  for  its 
victim. 

Some  reckless  optimists  there  are  who 
contend  that  insomnia  really  has  no  existence 
save  as  a  figment  of  an  overactive  imagination. 
They  cheerfully  dispose  of  it  by  asserting  that 
an  insomniac  is  merely  a  pessimist. 

But  it  is  now  generally  conceded  that  a 
pessimist  is  one  who  has  to  live  with  and 
listen  to  an  optimist.  And  the  optimist 
who  insists  that  you  were  asleep,  only  you 
didn't  know  it,  or  that  you  awoke  to  hear  the 
clock  toll  off  the  lingering  hours,  and  then 

99 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

like  Omar  Khayyam's  wise  men,  ^'to  sleep 
returned,"  or  that  even  if  you  didn't  sleep 
for  a  few  weeks  or  a  few  months  (it  wouldn't 
matter  anyhow),  is  partly  responsible  for 
your  pessimism  —  if  you  are  an  insomniac. 
Sleeplessness  is  a  most  real  and  tangible 
demon  to  the  unfortunate  upon  whose 
shoulders  it  perches.  In  fact,  there  is  only 
one  thing  that  is  much  worse  than  insomnia, 
and  that  is  worrying  about  it.  Frequently 
the  worst  sufferers  from  insomnia  are  the 
family  and  friends  of  the  insomniac,  who  have 
to  listen  to  the  lugubrious  tales  of  his  sleep- 
lessness. Staying  awake  in  a  comfortable 
bed  for  a  few  hours  at  a  time  o'  nights  isn't 
nearly  so  dangerous  as  talking  and  thinking 
about  it  all  the  following  day  and  filling  one- 
self with  the  auto-suggestion  that  the  per- 
formance is  going  to  be  repeated.  If  one 
could  take  insomnia  calmly,  even  thankfully, 
as  affording  a  splendid  opportunity  for  lying 
awake    and    thinking    noble    thoughts,    the 

I  GO 


THE   DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

insomniac  would  promptly  get  disgusted,  pack 
up,  and  leave  for  more  promising  fields.  But 
we  are  not  so  constituted.  If  we  have  done 
one  of  a  thousand  things  we  should  not  have 
done,  or  have  left  undone  one  of  an  equal 
number  of  things  we  should  have  done,  and 
if  we  lie  awake  for  a  few  hours,  or  even  an 
entire  night,  as  a  consequence,  we  imme- 
diately start  a  free-hand  worrying  spell  for 
fear  we  shall  repeat  the  procedure  the  next 
night.  And  so  greatly  do  we  dread  this  that 
we  usually  do  it. 

This  is  the  beginning  of  what  might  be 
called  "psychic  insomnia",  —  a  condition 
that  has  no  particular  reason  for  existence 
beyond  its  initial  mental  impulse,  aided  and 
abetted  by  an  overfertile  imagination.  Yet 
many  of  our  most  persistent  insomniacs 
got  their  start  in  just  this  way. 

And  when  insomnia  gets  firmly  established 
what  it  can't  accomplish  in  the  way  of  run- 
ning down  a  nervous  system,  paralyzing  the 

lOI 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

mental  faculties,  "taking  the  tuck"  out  of  a 
fellow,  or  spoiling  a  woman's  good  looks, 
isn't  worth  accomplishing. 

The  real,  genuine,  dyed-in-the-wool  in- 
somnia has  its  origin  in  a  variety  of  causes. 
The  principal  of  these  is  worry,  —  business, 
domestic,  social,  or  just  plain  worry.  The 
cure  is  ridiculously  simple.  Merely  stop 
worrying.  Most  of  the  philosophers,  from 
Marcus  Aurelius  to  Pastor  Wagner,  —  none 
of  whom  probably  ever  had  much  to  worry 
about,  —  have  given  explicit  directions  as 
to  methods. 

Given  sufficient  time,  the  chances  are  that 
tired  Nature  will  ultimately  reassert  itself, 
drive  Carking  Care  from  her  perch,  and  help 
the  patient  to  make  up  for  lost  sleep.  For 
finally  —  and  this  is  an  axiom  in  psychology 
—  the  system  fails  to  respond  to  a  stimulus 
that  does  not  increase  in  intensity,  and  the 
causes  of  grief  and  worry  usually  decrease  in 

power  as  time  elapses. 

1 02 


THE  DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

To  have  an  occasional  wakeful  night  is 
an  evidence  of  intelligence.  Hardly  a  nor- 
mal man  or  woman  but' will  sometimes  have 
experiences  that  cause  a  period  of  wake- 
fulness. Only  human  clods  sleep  undis- 
turbed through  every  sort  of  storm  and 
stress.  Until  the  fear  of  sleeplessness  be- 
comes a  full-grown  phobia,  no  anxiety  need 
be  felt.  Insomniphobia  (to  coin  a  term), 
the  fear  of  insomnia,  or  mere  overanxiety 
to  get  to  sleep,  is  more  to  be  dreaded  than 
insomnia. 

The  great  majority  of  mankind  suffer 
rarely  from  sleeplessness.  They  have  too 
many  other  things  to  worry  about.  In  fact, 
this  aristocratic  disease  is  usually  a  posses- 
sion of  those  who  can  best  afford  it.  The 
man  or  woman  who  puts  in  the  larger  part 
of  his  or  her  waking  hours  in  healthful 
activity  is  too  tired,  when  sleeptime  rolls 
round,  to  lie  awake  very  long.     The  Drowsy 

God  usually  arrives   on   schedule  for  them, 

103 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Many  insomniacs  of  a  vegetative  turn  of 
mind  and  body  lie  awake  at  night  because 
they  haven't  been  sufficiently  awake  by  day. 
This  is  also  true  of  those  of  sedentary  habits 
of  life,  whose  brains  only  are  awake,  while 
their  bodies  hibernate  in  an  office  chair. 
Something  that  will  keep  these  awake  when 
they  should  be  awake  would  be  more  likely 
to  make  them  sleep  when  they  should  be 
asleep  than  almost  any  other  form  of  treat- 
ment. 

Active  exercise  —  any  exercise  in  the  al- 
phabet, from  Alp  climbing  to  the  tango  — 
will  give  excellent  results  in  most  cases  of 
insomnia.  None  sleep  quite  so  soundly  as 
those  who  have  earned  it  by  the  sweat  of 
their  brows. 

A  brisk  but  not  too  fatiguing  walk  before 
retiring  will  sometimes  work  wonders  for 
either  a  human  sloth  or  a  brain  abuser.  A 
good  measure  of  what  is  appropriate  in  the 
way  of  exercise  would  be  to  walk  in  one  di- 

104 


THE   DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

rection  until  one  begins  to  feel  tired.  Then 
turn,  and  walk  back  the  same  distance,  on 
the  principle  that  a  little  too  much  walking 
produces  just  sufficient  fatigue  for  sleeping. 

In  connection  with  the  subject  of  exercise, 
it  is  curious  to  note  that  one  may  have  too 
much  of  a  good  thing.  Paradoxical  as  it 
may  seem,  many  become  sufficiently  tired 
to  stay  awake,  developing  Insomnia  for  this 
reason.  The  fatigue  poisons  resulting  from 
the  breaking  down  of  cell  tissue  accumulate 
in  the  blood  stream  faster  than  they  can  be 
oxidized  or  eliminated,  thereby  poisoning 
nerves  and  brain,  and  causing  irritability 
and   wakefulness. 

A  warm  bath  before  retiring,  a  wet  pack, 
a  cold  cloth  at  the  head  or  the  back,  or  other 
measures  tending  to  promote  elimination 
and  equalize  the  circulation,  will  usually 
give  satisfactory  results.  For  those  of  sed- 
entary habits  who  are  troubled  with  cold 
feet,   a   hot  footbath,   or  better  still   a   cold 

lOS 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

footbath,  with  vigorous  friction  following  it, 
and  the  wearing  of  a  warm  pair  of  bed  stock- 
ings, will  often  induce  sleep. 

Fresh  air  is  also  valuable  In  these  cases ; 
for,  lacking  sufficient  oxygen,  the  fatigue 
poisons  are  not  oxidized  in  the  lungs  and  ex- 
haled as  carbon  dioxide.  This  maintains 
nerve  irritation  and  restlessness,  which  are 
reflected  in  insomnia. 

Or  the  sleep  may  be  light,  the  victim  of 
bad  air  and  fatigue  poison  rising  in  the  morn- 
ing more  tired  than  when  he  went  to  bed. 
To  avoid  this  open  the  bedroom  windows 
early  in  the  morning,  then  forget  to  close 
them  at  night.  Strict  observance  of  this 
omission  will  cure  many  of  these  can't- 
sleepers. 

Perhaps   the   most   common   of   all   causes 

of  Insomnia  is  nervous  exhaustion  from  nerve 

starvation    (neurasthenia),    which    especially 

afflicts  those  who  burn  the  candle  of  health 

at    both    ends.     That     neurasthenia    Is     an 

1 06 


THE  DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

actual  disease,  insomnia  being  merely  one  of 
its  many  distressing  symptoms,  thousands 
will  testify.  However,  it  is  encouraging  to 
know  that  neurasthenia  has  an  actual  physi- 
cal (or  rather  pathological)  basis  somewhere, 
if  we  can  but  discover  it. 

It  may  be  overwork,  especially  with  ex- 
hausting studies,  or  mental  labors  practised 
at  night,  worry,  some  digestive  or  assimila- 
tive defect,  improper  metabolism,  imperfect 
elimination,  or  any  of  a  hundred  other  things 
that  interfere  with  the  perfect  functioning  of 
the  body. 

To  diagnose  the  particular  pinprick  that 
is  responsible  for  the  sleeplessness  of  neuras- 
thenia frequently  demands  much  time  and 
study  on  the  part  of  the  physician,  and  much 
patience  on  the  part  of  the  sufferer.  But  it's 
the  only  way  permanently  to  cure  insomnia 
arising  from  this  cause. 

Sometimes    an    unusual    noise    keeps    one 

awake.     If  this  persists  for  a  few  successive 

107 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

nights  it  fastens  a  habit  of  intense  listening 
upon  the  would-be  sleeper,  which  effectually 
prevents  his  passage  across  to  Slumber  Land. 
Or  he  may  merely  be  overexcited,  or  suffer- 
ing from  some  mental  strain,  and  the  usual 
gentle  noises  of  the  elevated  trains  or  the 
ambulance  bells  become  an  actual  racket. 
Temporarily  placing  a  plug  of  vaselined  cot- 
ton in  each  ear  will  cut  off  that  source  of 
irritation. 

An  earthquake  is  not  more  disturbing  to 
a  normal  mortal  than  is  an  ordinary  fly, 
buzzing  and  bumping  against  the  window 
pane,  to  the  overexcited  nerves  of  the  in- 
somniac. He  intensifies  the  evil  by  ex- 
aggerating the  sounds  he  hears,  and  by  con- 
centrating his  attention  upon  them.  Thus 
will  he  lie  awake  half  the  night  listening  for 
a  noise  he  heard  the  night  before.  And  he 
is  almost  as  much  disturbed  by  the  sounds 
he  doesn't  hear  as  by  those  he  does. 

Put   not   your   faith    in   a    sojourn   in   the 

1 08 


THE  DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

country  for  the  cure  of  noise  insomnia, 
so  long  as  you  carry  the  particular  thing 
with  you  that  causes  susceptibility  to 
sounds.  To  city-bred  ears  and  nerves  the 
country   is    the   noisiest   place   in   the  world. 

The  maddening  shrill  of  the  crickets  and 
treetoads,  the  insistent  assertion  that  Katy 
did  or  didn't,  the  full-throated  '^gurrup"  of 
frogs,  the  untimely  clarion  of  leather-lunged 
roosters,  and  the  bawling  plaint  of  a  bereft 
bossy  for  the  bull-calf  apple  of  her  eye,  con- 
spire to  drive  a  nervous  man  or  woman,  un- 
used to  these  ear-splitting  sounds,  almost 
into  hysterics. 

Still  further  to  demonstrate  that  "there  is 
no  good  nor  bad  but  thinking  makes  it  so", 
we  must  remember  that  a  certain  amount  of 
noise  —  about  what  the  individual  is  accus- 
tomed to  in  normal  conditions  —  is  seemingly 
essential  to  deep  slumber.  Indeed,  it  is  highly 
probable  that  the  inability  of  many  of  us 
to  sleep  soundly  in  strange  surroundings   is 

109 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

due  to  the  fact  that  we  miss  the  familiar 
noises,  and  subconsciously  resent  the  intru- 
sion of  unfamiliar  ones. 

In  fact,  if  there  isn't  a  definite  agglomera- 
tion of  usual  sounds  upon  which  the  insom- 
niac can  focus  occasional  attention,  he  in- 
vents new  ones  of  his  own.  And  if  he  has 
an  active  imagination  in  good  working  order, 
he  can  conjure  up  sufficient  incident  and 
accident,  and  moving  tale  by  field  or  flood, 
to  keep  him  awake  twenty-five  hours  out  of 
twenty-four.  So  it  isn't  wise  to  anchor  in 
the  middle  of  a  calm  lake,  or  to  pitch  camp 
in  a  desert,  unless  the  thing  that  is  causing 
the  insomnia  is  left  behind. 

For  those  forms  of  insomnia  due  to  heart 
disease,  chronic  congestion  or  organic  dis- 
ease of  the  brain,  insanity  or  melancholia, 
kidney  disease,  cancer,  eye  strain,  gout,  or 
rheumatism,  it  is  obvious  that  skilled  medi- 
cal attention  is  required.  This  is  also  true  of 
any  condition  that  depends  upon  pain,  cough, 

IIO 


THE   DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

shortness  of  breath,  excessive  sweating,  or 
deHrium  for  keeping  its  victim  awake. 

In  the  sleeplessness  of  typhoid  or  other 
fevers  continued  nervous  or  muscular  activ- 
ity completely  exhausts  the  vital  forces.  It 
may  be  absolutely  necessary  to  secure  sleep 
in  order  to  save  life.  All  means  that  accom- 
plish this  result  are  good  means. 

One  of  the  most  effective  methods  of  in- 
ducing sleep,  one  that  can  be  put  into  practi- 
cal application  by  almost  any  intelligent 
man  or  woman,  is  the  employment  of  thera- 
peutic suggestion.  It  requires  no  special 
powers,  and  but  little  practice,  to  become 
proficient  in  treating  others  by  this  method. 
The  chief  requisite  is  confidence  in  yourself, 
supplemented,  of  course,  by  a  willingness  on 
the  part  of  the  patient  to  try  as  far  as 
possible  to  make  his  mind  a  blank,  —  to 
busy  the  brain  over  nothing. 

Take  a  position  by  the  side  of  the  com- 
fortably   relaxed    passenger    for    Dreamland, 

III 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL   HEALTH 

back  just  far  enough  to  cause  his  eyes  a 
slight  strain  in  the  attempt  to  focus  them 
upon  yours.  Hold  them  thus  steadily,  and 
repeat  in  a  drowsy,  monotonous  tone,  ''You 
are  going  to  sleep  —  sound  asleep !  Your 
eyelids  are  getting  heavy !  You  are  going 
to  let  them  close  down,  and  go  sound  to  sleep 
—  sleep  —  sleep  —  sound  asleep!"  Vary 
this  formula  from  time  to  time  to  concen- 
trate attention  fully  upon  the  matter  in 
hand. 

In  the  course  of  five  or  ten  minutes  the 
subject's  eyelids  will  get  heavy,  and  grad- 
ually flutter  down.  He  will  soon  be  sound 
asleep. 

Patience  and  absolute  seriousness  of  pur- 
pose are  necessary  for  the  success  of  this  ex- 
periment. When  sleep  has  been  induced  it 
is  well  to  suggest,  as  though  there  could  be 
no  particle  of  doubt  that  the  instructions 
will  be  literally  carried  out,  "You  will  sleep 
soundly    all    through    the    night !     You    will 

112 


THE   DEMON   OF   INSOMNIA 

awake  rested  and  refreshed  in  the  morning ! 
And  you  will  be  able  to  go  sound  asleep  to- 
morrow night,  and  the  next  night,  and  every 
night  hereafter,  without  the  slightest  con- 
scious effort !" 

There  need  be  no  fear  that  the  sleeper  will 
not  awaken  at  the  proper  time ;  for  this  in- 
duced sleep  passes  imperceptibly  into  natural 
sleep  in  a  very  few  minutes.  And  from 
the  induced  sleep  all  that  is  necessary,  in 
order  to  awaken,  is  to  say  in  a  little  firmer 
and  louder  tone  of  voice,  "When  I  count  five 
you  will  awake,  rested  and  refreshed."  Then 
begin  counting,  "One  —  two  —  three  — 
four — "  pause  a  moment,  to  give  the  sub- 
ject a  better  opportunity  to  focus  upon  the 
signal  —  then  sharply,  "five.     Wake  up  !  " 

This  method  is  particularly  effective  with 
restless    children. 

Those  of  us  who  have  counted  innumerable 
sheep,  jumping  one  by  one  over  the  fence  of 
our    imagination,    will    appreciate    that    the 

113 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

point  to  be  striven  for  in  thus  securing  sleep 
is  monotony  and  repetition.  And  however 
funny  it  may  seem  to  those  red-blooded 
brigands  who  can  woo  great  Nature's  second 
course  and  chief  nourisher  in  Life's  Feast  at 
will,  it  is  no  joke  to  the  wideawake  math- 
ematician, counting  faithfully,  and  heartily, 
those  ghostly  sheep  that  skip  so  blithely  over 
the  stile. 

Now  here  is  a  method  that  doesn't  permit 
so  much  latitude  for  galloping  thoughts  :  It 
is  a  form  of  suggestion  that  adults  can  practise 
upon  themselves.  The  idea  is  to  establish 
monotony  by  repeating  a  progression  of  num- 
bers, aiding  mental  concentration  by  opening 
and  shutting  the  eyelids  at  each  count.  The 
physical  act  of  opening  and  closing  the  lids 
requires  just  sufficient  effort  to  preclude 
entertaining  extraneous  ideas,  which  mere 
counting  would  not  accomplish. 

Thus,  lying  quietly  relaxed,  count  "One", 
at  the   same   time   opening   and   closing  the 

114 


THE  DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

eyelids.  Wait  a  few  moments,  then  count 
"Two",  repeating  as  before.  Presently  the 
lids  will  become  heavier,  and  refuse  to  open 
at  the  count.  The  mind,  having  been  thor- 
oughly occupied  in  counting  and  "willing" 
impulses,  hasn't  harbored  a  pack  of  racing 
thoughts.  So  before  very  long  Sleep  cud- 
dles into  its  rightful  place.  This  method 
will  well  repay  the  effort. 

It  might  also  be  wise  to  observe  the  influ- 
ence of  the  "  magnetic  meridian  "  upon  sleep- 
lessness. Have  the  bed  run  north  and  south, 
and  sleep  always  with  the  head  to  the  north, 
or  the  south,  as  conviction  inclines.  Or,  if 
you  sleep  more  soundly  the  other  way,  have 
the  bed  placed  east  and  west,  and  sleep 
invariably  with  the  head  to  the  east,  or  the 
feet  to  the  east,  whichever  gives  the  best 
results. 

Sometimes  gentle  exercise  in  bed  —  right 
where  the  fatigue  induced  will  do  the  most 
good  —  is    very    effective.     Lie    prone,    and 

115 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

stretch  the  body  to  its  utmost  by  attempting 
to  reach  the  head  and  foot  boards  at  the 
same  time.  Then  raise  your  head  a  few 
inches,  and  hold  it  in  this  position  while 
breathing  slowly  and  deeply.  You  will  soon 
be  very  glad  to  drop  it  back  upon  the  pillow. 
Now  repeat  this  operation  with  the  right 
foot.  When  that  droops  and  languishes  from 
fatigue,  do  the  same  with  the  left.  Then 
begin  with  the  head,  and  do  it  all  over  again. 

In  a  few  minutes  you  will  have  tired  and 
relaxed  most  of  the  muscles  of  the  body,  and 
in  a  surprising  number  of  instances,  if  the 
procedure  be  faithfully  followed  out,  a 
healthy,  natural  sleep  will  follow. 

Reading  oneself  to  sleep  is  a  form  of 
autohypnosis  that  is  common  and  com- 
mendable. The  book  or  magazine  should 
be  just  sufHciently  interesting  to  divert  the 
mind,  without  arousing  a  train  of  thought 
intense  enough  to  be  in  itself  a  cause  of 
wakefulness. 

ii6 


THE  DEMON  OF   INSOMNIA 

If  one  could  afford  to  engage  a  violin 
soloist  to  play  soft  improvisations  upon 
muted  strings,  the  results  should  be  per- 
fectly ideal.  However,  in  well-equipped  san- 
atoriums  it  is  now  recognized  that  music 
is  valuable  in  the  treatment  of  insomnia, 
and  its  use  is  rapidly  extending. 

Osteopathy,  massage,  or  even  simple  rub- 
bing along  the  spine,  friction  being  applied 
with  the  bare  hand,  have  given  good  results 
in  sleeplessness.  In  using  friction  there 
should  be  only  moderate  pressure  at  first, 
becoming  still  lighter,  as  nervousness  and 
excitation  are  relieved,  and  the  patient's 
slower  and  more  even  breathing  indicates 
the  relaxation  of  approaching  sleep. 

The  water  cure  (hydrotherapy)  has  many 
enthusiastic  exponents.  It  is  rational,  harm- 
less, and  definitely  helpful  in  a  large  per- 
centage of  cases.  The  warm  bath,  the  hot 
or  cold  footbath,   the  wearing  of   the  moist 

abdominal  bandage  (called   by  the  Germans 

117 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Neptune's  girdle),  and  the  wet  sheet  are 
all  excellent. 

Sarason  of  Berlin  has  recently  added  to 
our  resources  in  treating  insomnia  by  in- 
venting an  external  *^  sleeping  powder", 
which  works  on  the  principle  of  the  Nau- 
heim  bath,  except  that  the  water  is  charged 
with  oxygen  instead  of  carbon  dioxide  gas. 
The  oxygen  is  generated  in  the  water  by 
sprinkling  sodium  perborate  and  manganese 
borate  in  a  full  warm  bath.  A  thrice- 
weekly  twenty-minute  immersion  in  this 
oxygen  bath  is  frequently  more  efficacious 
and  certainly  cheaper  than  a  trip  to  Ger- 
many. 

In  most  cases  of  insomnia,  unless  due  to 
anemia,  the  proteids  should  be  reduced  to 
a  minimum.  Meat  proteids  especially  are 
entirely  too  stimulating.  The  diet  should 
be  light  and  easily  digested.  The  principal 
meal  should  be  eaten  at  noon ;  although  one 
should    not    retire   feeling   hungry.     In   fact, 

ii8 


THE  DEMON  OF  INSOMNIA 

a  glass  of  hot  milk  or  a  very  light  lunch 
just  before  going  to  bed  is  often  a  good 
soporific,  causing  a  flow  of  blood  from  the 
brain  to  the  great  abdominal  blood  vessels. 
Anything,  except  drugs,  that  will  produce 
sleep  is  useful  and  admirable.  The  salutary 
effects  of  a  drugless  sleep  are  felt  all  the  next 
day.  The  usual  "doped"  sensation,  which 
follows  the  use  of  hypnotics  —  even  the  most 
harmless,  as  bromides  and  veronal  —  is  en- 
tirely lacking.  If  a  comprehensive  inspec- 
tion of  your  habits,  with  the  correction  of 
the  bad  ones,  doesn't  cure  your  insomnia, 
you  had  better  lose  no  time  in  calling  in 
some  one  qualified  to  discover  your  physical 
imperfections,  and  apply  the  proper  cure  di- 
rectly to  them.  It  will  be  a  thousand  times 
better  than  trying  to  club  your  insomnia 
into  insensibility  with  drugs.  "Sleep  at  any 
price"  is  entirely  too  expensive. 


119 


CHAPTER  VIII 

The  Screaming  Nerve 

ONE  peculiar  evidence  of  what  Emerson 
blithely  termed  "compensation"  is 
that  the  things  that  hurt  us  the  worst  are 
rarely  fatal.  Often  we  wish  they  were,  but 
the  fact  remains.  One  may  be  bludgeoned 
by  the  toxins  of  a  whole  fistful  of  bugs,  and 
perhaps  merely  be  uncomfortably  warm,  or 
delirious,  or  even  mercifully  unconscious ; 
while  an  inflamed,  red-headed  nerve  no 
thicker  than  a  string  may  cause  untold 
tears  of  agony. 

There  is  grim  satisfaction  in  having  some- 
thing that  is  going  to  wear  itself  —  or  you  — 
out  in  a  definite,  stated  time ;  which  enters, 
with    whole-hearted    and    inspired    abandon, 

120 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

into  a  logical,  consistent  effort,  if  it  isn't 
beaten  off  the  premises,  to  provide  employ- 
ment for  the  undertaker.  But  with  a  nag- 
ging, strength-shattering,  never-to-be-sufff- 
ciently-execrated  pain.  Patience  abdicates  her 
monument,  and  Giant  Despair  usurps  the 
vacant  place. 

Such  a  condition  is  neuritis,  or  inflamma- 
tion of  the  nerves,  —  a  mean,  truculent  dis- 
order, the  most  obvious  and  least  appre- 
ciated characteristic  of  which  is  torture  along 
the  course  of  the  nerve  and  its  ramifications. 
This  pain  is  in  a  class  by  itself :  it  differs 
radically  from  almost  anything  else  that 
inflicts  itself  upon  us.  It  resembles  just 
about  what  we  might  expect  if  an  inquisitor 
were  boring  a  giant,  redhot  needle  right 
along  a  nerve,  and  putting  in  a  few  extra 
jabs  when  he  came  to  the  surface  endings. 

This  torture  is  worse  at  night,  and  in- 
creases if  one  foolishly  attempts  to  move  the 
part  affected.     The  nerve  is  extremely  tender 

121 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

on  pressure,  and  the  surfaces  over  its  course 
are  frequently  red,  or  sometimes  dropsical. 
One  characteristic  peculiar  to  it,  as  distin- 
guished from  most  other  diseases,  is  that  the 
function  of  the  muscles  supplied  by  the  scream- 
ing nerve  is  impaired,  and  they  become  flabby 
or  flaccid,  or  even  shriveled  or  atrophied. 

At  its  onset  the  muscles  frequently  dance 
a  veritable  Devil's  Hornpipe,  twitching  and 
jerking  in  uncontrollable  spasms.  When  they 
are  not  engaged  in  this  revel,  they  are  busy 
trying  to  communicate  the  information  that 
there  are  about  two  thousand  imaginary  ants 
running  up  and  over  and  around  the  skin 
under  which  they  reside.  In  addition  to 
these  unpleasant  symptoms  there  are  also, 
in  aggravated  cases,  pricking  sensations,  as 
of  pins  and  needles  being  thrust  into  the  flesh, 
together  with  markedly  increased  suscep- 
tibility to  feeling  in  the  calves  of  the  legs, 
which  sometimes  makes  even  the  friction  of 
the  clothes  all  but  unbearable. 

122 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

The  weakness  accompanying  neuritis  pro- 
duces a  peculiar  effect  upon  those  muscles 
of  the  feet  and  wrist  which  hold  these 
members  in  an  extended  position,  so  that 
they  drop  forward,  in  a  form  of  paralysis. 
This  phenomenon  is  known  as  "foot"  or 
"wrist"  drop.  The  "knee  jerk",  that  tend- 
ency of  the  foot  to  jump  upward  when  a 
"free-swinging"  leg  is  struck  smartly  below 
the  knee,  is  also  abolished.  This  is  a  most 
significant  sign,  and  shows  a  very  unfavor- 
able degree  of  progress  in  the  disease.  In 
addition  to  this  "deadness"  of  the  extremi- 
ties there  is  also  a  decided  numbness,  —  a 
lack  of  the  normal  perception  to  sensation 
in  the  surface  nerves. 

Neuritis  may  frequently  be  confused  with 
"occupation  neurosis",  that  form  of  muscle 
cramp  affecting  writers,  seamstresses,  tele- 
graph operators,  typewriters,  pianists,  and 
others  whose  occupations  force  them  to  use 

one  group  of  muscles  to  an  excessive  degree. 

123 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

''Writer's  cramp"  is  really  miscalled  neuritis 
more  frequently  than  it  is  called  by  its  own 
name.  They  are  alike  only  in  that  they  are 
both  painful ;  for  in  neurosis  the  pain,  spasm, 
and  tremor  develop  from  fatigue  and  "nerve 
tire",  manifested  more  frequently  when  the 
victim  is  run  down. 

The  first  symptoms  are  a  dull  ache,  re- 
lieved by  discontinuing  the  thing  that  causes 
it.  However,  if  one's  job  possesses  him, 
and  he  is  in  the  position  of  the  man  who  had 
a  firm,  manly  grasp  on  the  bull's  tail  and 
couldn't  let  go,  the  condition  is  aggravated, 
until  the  pain,  spasm,  and  incoordinate 
tremor  become  chronic.  In  neurosis,  as  a 
usual  rule,  motions  not  connected  with  the 
particular  group  of  movements  that  stand 
in  loco  parentis  to  this  abominable  condition 
are  performed  without  any  appreciable  dif- 
ficulty. It  is  usually  when  the  attempt  is 
made  to  grasp  the  pen,  pound  the  type- 
writer   or    piano,    or    do    whatever    neurosis 

124 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

insists  that  you  should  not  do,  that  pain  is 
felt.  If  you  let  it  have  its  own  way,  it  is 
satisfied  to  sit  tight.  It  is  only  when  you 
begin   to   dandle  it  that  the  trouble   begins. 

And  this  is  the  clue  to  the  treatment : 
Rest,  followed  by  rest,  and  then  some  more 
rest ;  also  food,  —  good,  hearty,  wholesome 
food,  —  and  plenty  of  it ;  and  massage,  lo- 
cal gymnastics,  exercising  the  muscle  groups 
in  other  and  different  ways,  which,  apart 
from  rest,  is  the  very  treatment  that  will 
be  likely  to  cause  neuritis  to  raise  its  head 
and  howl. 

Neuritis  demands  counter-irritation,  either 
blisters  along  the  course  of  the  nerve  by 
cauterizing,  or  any  other  measure  that  draws 
the  inflammation  out  of  the  nerve  structure 
and  to  the  surface,  —  the  very  thing  that 
to  neurosis  is  as  a  red  flag  to  a  bull. 

These  are  only  a  few  of  the  grosser  differ- 
ences ;  but  from  them  it  can  readily  be  seen 
that   it   is   very   essential   to   know   what   is 

I2S 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL   HEALTH 

what,  because  upon  the  selection  of  a  proper 
treatment  depends  practically  the  only  hope 
of  ultimate  recovery  —  ultimate  enough  at 
best. 

Neuritis  has  also  been  confused  with  rheu- 
matism and  neuralgia,  and,  under  a  mistaken 
idea  as  to  its  identity,  received  the  treatment 
intended  for  them.  Rheumatism,  for  in- 
stance, simulates  neuritis  so  closely  that 
sometimes  the  only  way  to  tell  them  apart 
is  by  the  quickly  resulting  disability  and 
shrinking  of  the  muscles  that  accompany 
neuritis.  In  other  respects,  —  the  localiza- 
tion of  the  pain,  tenderness  over  the  nerve, 
and  apparent  impairment  of  the  nerve  func- 
tion, —  the  symptoms  may  be  common  to 
rheumatism  or  neuritis.  But  the  muscular 
disability  and  atrophy  tie  a  pink  ribbon  round 
one  of  the  twins,  and  name  him  "Neuritis", 
effectually  distinguishing  him  from  his 
brother  *^Rheuma."     We  can  then  treat  him 

as    he    deserves ;     whereas,    before    he    was 

126 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

labeled,  the  salicylates  and  other  remedies 
given  Rheuma  might  only  have  made  him 
more  peevish  and  irritable. 

Neuritis  is  also  mistaken  for  neuralgia, 
another  imp  of  the  same  brood,  but  of  quite 
a  different  species,  when  it  comes  to  quieting 
its  protesting  shrieks.  However,  if  one  looks 
him  closely  in  the  eye,  the  difference  is 
readily  apparent ;  for,  in  the  chronic,  mild 
form  of  neuritis,  the  only  one  that  could 
be  confused  with  neuralgia,  the  pain  and 
tenderness  of  the  nerve  are  constant,  and 
aggravated  by  pressure,  while  in  neuralgia 
the  pain  is  darting  and  paroxysmal,  usually 
relieved  by  pressure,  and  the  tenderness,  if 
present  at  all,  is  visible  to  the  naked  eye 
only  during  the  jumping  paroxysms.  This 
is  worth  remembering ;  for  in  neuralgia,  as 
well  as  in  the  neuroses  due  to  nerve  starva- 
tion, the  enfant  terrible  is  screaming  for  food 
and  stimulants,  while  in  neuritis  he  is  shout- 
ing his  head  off  for  a  rest.     He  is  so  deter- 

127 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

mined  to  enforce  peace  and  quiet  that  he  won't 
let  any  one  else  have  any. 

So  it  is  important  that  these  various  dis- 
eases be  differentiated,  as  the  methods  and 
remedies  indicated  for  one  might  be  dia- 
metrically contraindicated  in  the  others.  In- 
deed, their  symptoms  are  sometimes  so  inter- 
woven and  mixed  that  even  the  cleverest 
physicians  are  fooled. 

True  inflammation  of  the  nerves  is  clas-, 
sified  as  "localized"  or  "multiple",  depend- 
ing upon  whether  one  or  a  number  of  nerves 
are  affected.  Naturally,  the  less  involved 
the  condition,  and  the  milder  the  attack, 
the  brighter  the  chances  for  recovery.  But 
even  the  mildest  forms  frequently  prove 
very  intractable,  requiring  months,  some- 
times years,  before  they  are  completely  paci- 
fied and  content  to  settle  down  and  behave 
normally. 

Neuritis  may  be  caused  by  anything  and 

everything  that  poisons  or  inflames  the  nerve 

128 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

structure.  Perhaps  the  commonest  cause  is 
the  inflammation  resulting  from  cold.  The 
cheering  football  enthusiast  who  sits  exposed 
to  penetrating  arctic  breezes,  while  a  squad 
of  husky  giants  get  up  an  appetite  and  frac- 
ture one  another's  ribs  in  a  melee  over  a 
leather  ovoid,  should  really  say  "I  told  you 
so,"  instead  of  "Where  the  deuce  did  I 
get  this?"  when  Neuritis  Junior  begins  to 
scream  for  help.  An  ounce  of  prevention  is 
worth  several  pounds  of  cure  in  this  form  of 
neuritis. 

Perhaps  the  next  more  popular  variety 
is  that  due  to  injuries,  —  blows  upon  the 
nerves,  falls,  sprains,  the  stretching  and 
tearing  that  follow  fractures  or  dislocation, 
electrical  shocks,  and  wherever  the  parts 
have  been  subjected  to  unusual  or  violent 
strain.  This  should  preach  a  sermon  to 
overambitious  and  exuberant  youths  who 
may  have  to  pay  the  piper  all  the  remaining 
years  of  their  lives  for  some  athletic  excess 

129 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

committed  in  their  school  or  college  career. 

Next  we  have  the  rubicund  countenance 
of  our  old  friend  John,  surnamed  Barley- 
corn, intruding  itself.  Neuritis  is  —  or 
should  be,  if  alcohol  were  properly  ap- 
preciated as  a  cause  of  nerve  inflammation 
—  a  convincing  reason  for  periodic  bac- 
chanals ;  for  it  proves  that  if  one  must 
drink  alcohol,  the  only  proper  way  to  drink 
it  is  to  consume  the  entire  month's  allow- 
ance in  a  night  or  two,  get  it  over  with,  sober 
up,  and  let  the  system  recover  a  tolerable 
degree  of  normality  once  more.  It  is  the 
steady  drinker,  not  the  periodical  drunkard, 
who  develops  screaming  nerves  and  the  other 
symptoms  of  neuritis. 

Women,  because  of  their  more  highly  or- 
ganized nervous  system,  and  the  tension 
under  which  many  of  them  exist,  are  par- 
ticularly liable  to  attacks  of  alcoholic  neu- 
ritis,—  which  goes  to  show  that,  whatever 
else  he   may  or  may  not   do.  King  Alcohol 

130 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

gives  women  their  rights,  —  perhaps  even 
more  than  their  legitimate  share  of  them. 
A  very  simple  and  highly  effective  method 
of  curing  this  form  of  neuritis  —  provided 
the  nerves  haven't  got  the  habit  —  is  to 
stop  drinking. 

Then  we  have  "senile  neuritis",  the  nerve 
inflammation  of  what  might  be  called  the 
mineral  age  of  man,  that  period  when  his 
former  soft,  fibrous,  or  cartilaginous  struc- 
tures are  slowly  turning  into  limestone.  The 
nerves  become  pinched  by  the  gradual  en- 
croachment of  the  unyielding  substance, 
and  shriek  aloud  in  their  anguish.  A  light 
diet,  calculated  to  prevent  the  formation  of 
lime  phosphates,  —  as  green  vegetables,  milk, 
eggs,  well-cooked  cereals,  fish,  oysters,  a 
small  amount  of  meat,  and  plenty  of  pure, 
cool  (not  iced)  water,  —  is  rational,  and  will 
retard  the  mineralization  of  tissue. 

Neuritis  from  toxins  developed  within 
the    body    is    next    most    frequently    met. 

131 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Gout,  rheumatism,  and  the  uric  acid  con- 
dition generally,  anemia,  cancer,  that  pecul- 
iar state  of  "not  just  so"  which  predisposes 
to  epilepsy,  and  the  very  obscure  but  highly 
prevalent  disease  known  as  diabetes,  all  act 
as  Lucrezia  Borgias  to  the  nervous  system. 

Then,  from  the  outside,  to  help  in  this 
nefarious  work  of  poisoning  the  nerves,  we 
have  illuminating  gas  and  bad  air  of  various 
brands.  Benzine  fumes  have  also  been  found 
guilty  of  neuritis. 

Next  we  have  the  infective  poisons,  pro- 
duced by  microorganisms  of  various  kinds. 
These  run  a  ruffianly  gamut  from  beriberi 
and  blood  poisoning  to  whooping-cough. 
In  between  we  have  diphtheria,  influenza, 
typhoid,  measles,  pneumonia,  tuberculosis, 
malaria,  and  a  number  of  other  diseases  — 
all  produced  by  bullet-headed  bugs  that 
would  sooner  fight  than  eat.  Specific  treat- 
ment for  the  cure  of  the  original  disease,  as 

quinine    or    arsenic    in    malaria,    autogenous 

132 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

vaccines  (those  made  from  the  patient's  own 
particular  private  collection  of  germs),  and 
specifically  indicated  remedies,  must  be  re- 
sorted to  before  the  neuritic  nerve  will 
stop  its  howling.  The  neuritis  following 
ptomaine  poisoning  from  eating  food  that 
is  undergoing  putrefaction,  might  also  be 
classed  among  the  infective  diseases. 

Then,  to  add  variety  and  spice  to  the  at- 
tempted assassination  of  the  nervous  sys- 
tem, we  have  metallic  poisoning.  Painters 
and  decorators,  who  have  to  scrape  walls  or 
surfaces  covered  with  lead  paint,  and  work- 
ers in  lead,  are  very  likely  to  develop  neuritis. 
Formerly,  before  lead  water  pipes  were  prac- 
tically abolished,  many  cases  were  traced  to 
the  use  of  water  that  had  been  allowed  to 
stand  too  long  in  the  pipes.  Of  course,  this 
form  is  readily  diagnosed  by  the  abdominal 
symptoms  accompanying  lead  poisoning, 
and  the  characteristic  blue  line  at  the  margin 
of   the    gums.     A    most    peculiar    diagnostic 

133 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

factor  also  is  that  if  there  is  a  ''drop",  it  al- 
ways occurs  in  the  wrist,  in  lead  poisoning ; 
whereas,  with  arsenic,  another  common 
form  of  metallic  poisoning,  the  drop  is  in- 
variably in  the  foot.  Mercury,  phosphorus, 
and  silver  have  also  much  to  answer  for  in 
causing  nerve  inflammation.  Neuritis  from 
metallic  poisoning  easily  clears  up  with  the 
removal  of  the  cause ;  although  it  takes  its 
own  time  about  it. 

A  mysterious  and  quite  frequently  met 
variety  of  nerve  inflammation  develops  from 
some  unknown  poison  generated  within  the 
system.  This  probably  originates  in  mal- 
metabolism,  —  the  too  rapid  formation  of 
"end  products"  from  food,  or  the  retention 
of  these  products  in  the  system.  Elimina- 
tion —  first,  last,  and  all  the  time  —  promises 
the  best  results  here. 

Perhaps  the  most  interesting  of  all  ''spe- 
cies" of  neuritis,  from  the  viewpoint  of  one 
who  is  on  the  outside  looking  in,  is  beriberi 

134 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

or  kakke,  very  common  in  our  Philippine 
possessions,  and  in  Japan,  China,  India, 
Ceylon,  and  other  tropical  localities.  It 
furnishes  a  perpetual  bone  of  contention  to 
medical  men,  half  of  whom  vehemently 
contend  that  it  is  due  to  eating  white  bread, 
or  rice  from  which  the  pericarp  (the  outer 
shell)  has  been  removed ;  while  the  re- 
mainder, with  equal  vigor,  insist  that  it  is 
produced  by  a  microorganism  that  has  not 
yet  been  branded. 

It  is  very  significant,  to  say  the  least,  that 
this  disease  has  been  produced  in  pigeons  by 
feeding  them  hulled  or  polished  rice,  and  then 
afterward  cured  by  feeding  them  the  hulls, 
and  also  that  Newfoundland  fishermen  who 
eat  white  bread  exclusively, — because  they 
can  get  nothing  else,  —  and  among  whom 
beriberi  is  very  prevalent,  ''clear  up"  after 
they  get  whole  wheat  bread  for  a  while ;  also 
that  an  extract  of  the  pericarp  substance 
seems  materially  to  ''help"  the  kakke. 

135 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

One  of  the  greatest  dangers  of  neuritis  is 
the  possibiHty  of  forming  the  morphine 
habit.  Painful  diseases  of  the  nerves,  more 
than  any  other  bodily  condition,  furnish  an 
excuse  for  resorting  to  narcotic  drugs  for  the 
temporary  relief  that  generally  follows  their 
use.-  Then  suddenly,  before  the  patient  is 
aware  of  it,  he  is  fast  in  the  clutches  of  his 
worst  enemy.  For  the  poison  that  brings 
the  surcease  from  pain,  which  smooths  the 
furrowed  brow,  and  hushes  the  anguished 
nerves,  is  really  an  enemy  whose  fangs  are 
fastened  deep  in  the  very  soul  of  its  all  but 
hopeless  victim.  The  pain,  twitching,  and  ir- 
ritation of  neuritis  return  in  tenfold  severity 
when  the  effects  of  the  benumbing  drug  are 
dissipated,  or  when  it  is  purposely  withheld, 
and  if  the  condition  for  which  it  was  given  is 
not  corrected,  there  is  but  small  chance  of 
withstanding  the  hell  of  morphine  withdrawal 
and  of  nerve  inflammation  at  the  same  time. 
Better  refuse  the  first  dose  of  morphine, 

136 


THE   SCREAMING  NERVE 

and  you  will  never  have  to  tear  the  life- 
sapping  vampire  of  the  one-hundredth  or 
the  one-thousandth  dose  from  your  throat. 
Remember  that,  no  matter  how  smilingly  it 
beckons,  morphine  is  a  fearful  handicap  to 
carry  to  the  goal  of  recovery  from  neuritis. 
It  locks  up  the  secretions,  and  prevents 
proper  elimination,  it  retards  digestion  and 
assimilation,  and  causes  defects  and  mal- 
nutrition that  develop  the  very  condition 
it  is  supposed  to  relieve. 

After  all  is  said,  the  principal  thing  to  do 
for  screaming  nerves  is  to  find  out  what  they 
are  yelling  about  —  like  a  faithful  old  nurse 
turning  a  baby  over  and  examining  it  care- 
fully for  the  pin.  If  we  find  the  pin,  the 
thing  that  makes  baby  yell,  and  remove  it, 
there  is  a  very  good  chance  that  it  will  stop 
its  hullabaloo,  after  a  reasonable  and  proper 
period  of  expressing  resentment  has  elapsed. 
And  remember,  in  many  cases,  it  takes  quite 

a  while  to  locate  this  pin  and  remove  it. 

137 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

That  is  what  makes  neuritis  such  an  in- 
teresting disease.  There  are  so  many  things 
it  can  be,  and  only  a  few  that  it  is.  Its 
cause  is  like  the  needle  in  the  bale  of  hay. 
We  know  it  is  there — but  where?  The 
search  for  this  cause,  and  its  cure,  when 
found,  may  consume  years.  But  it  will  be 
time  and  effort  well  spent ;  for  no  one  yet 
was     very     happy     and     contented     with 

Screaming   Nerves." 


cc 


138 


CHAPTER  IX 

Side-Stepping  Stoutness 

AFTER  all,  Job  was  never  called  upon 
to  reduce  his  belt  measure  ten  inches. 
And  how  much  less  patient  the  ill-tempered 
Xantippe  might  have  been  had  she  been  forced 
to  interrupt  a  rolling  exercise  in  order  to  come 
down  and  help  her  philosophic  husband  find 
the  keyhole. 

Yet  a  moderate  excess  of  fat  is  one  of  our 
very  best  forms  of  life  and  health  insurance. 
It  is  Nature's  cache,  —  a  storehouse  of  food 
and  energy,  a  fuel  reserve  on  which  she  draws 
in  times  of  stress. 

We  were  disposed  to  consider  fat  merely  as 
a  substance  valuable  in  filling  hollows  and 
stretching  skins  to  a  comfortable  snugness. 

139 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

But  we  are  now  beginning  to  recognize  that 
fat  is  one  of  the  most  valuable  and  indis- 
pensable structures  concealed  about  our  per- 
son. As  an  internal  ulster  a  comfortable  coat 
of  adipose  cannot  be  improved  upon.  If  we 
are  to  remain  healthy,  every  tissue  of  the  body, 
except  the  nails  and  teeth,  must  have  more  or 
less  of  some  form  of  fat,  either  incorporated 
in  it  or  closely  tied  up  with  it.  This  is  true 
even  of  our  lordly  brains,  and  delicate,  high- 
strung  nerves ;  for  both  consist  in  nearly 
one  half  lecithin,  more  familiarly  known  as 
^'nerve-fat."  So  to  be  fat-headed  may  be  no 
great  calamity,  after  all. 

Presence  of  fat  in  adequate  quantities 
makes  life's  way  easy  by  oiling  the  sheaves 
of  the  muscles,  and  by  putting  sufficient 
cushioning  on  our  protruding  angles  and 
corners  to  enable  us  to  move  without  cracking 
our  skins.  Even  when  the  poet  "with  eye 
in   fine   frenzy   rolling"    flashes    his    inspired 

glance    from    earth    to    Heaven,    and    from 

140 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

Heaven  to  earth  again,  his  eyeball  rotates 
upon  a  nice  soft  bed  of  fat.  Bone  marrow 
is  composed  largely  of  this  oleaginous  sub- 
stance. Some  of  the  most  important  and 
vital  processes  in  blood-building  are  located 
within  the  fatty  laboratories  of  our  long  bones. 
Also  it  is  now  believed  that  the  anaesthetic 
effects  of  ether  and  chloroform  are  due  to 
some  marvelous  affinity  their  gases  have  for 
certain  fatty  substances  in  the  nerve  tissue. 

If  plump  people  are  stricken  by  fever,  or  any 
wasting  disease,  they  have  at  least  a  thirty 
per  cent,  better  chance  of  recovery  than  has 
the  spare,  emaciated  individual.  Fever  burns 
fuel ;  physiologically  it  is  much  cheaper  to 
give  it  fat  to  oxydize  than  it  is  to  let  it  burn 
up  more  vital  tissues. 

Every  one  knows  that  each  ounce  increase 
in  the  consumptive's  weight  lifts  a  corre- 
sponding load  from  his  heart,  and  enhances 
his  prospects  of  ultimate  recovery.  Calculat- 
ing life  insurance  statisticians  recognize  that 

141 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

those  of  tubercular  ancestry  who  are  carrying 
ten  or  fifteen  pounds  in  excess  of  the  standard 
weight  for  their  height  and  age  have  a  twenty 
per  cent,  better  chance  of  escaping  tubercu- 
losis than  the  same  individuals  of  normal 
weight. 

Many  neurasthenics  are  physically,  as  well 
as  nervously,  bankrupt,  and  one  of  the  most 
successful  methods  of  restoring  their  physical 
bank  balance  is  to  pad  them  with  fat.  To 
this  end,  much  rest  in  bed  and  "forced  feed- 
ing" is  resorted  to,  with  just  sufficient  exer- 
cise in  the  open  air  to  prevent  under-oxydation 
and  liver  torpidity. 

For  that  long  journey  down  the  gentle 
slopes  of  Age  there  is  no  ballast  quite  so 
serviceable  as  fifteen  or  twenty  pounds  of 
nice  rich  fat,  stowed  comfortably  amidships, 
or  wherever  it  doesn't  interfere  with  our  en- 
gine-room and  boilers,  —  the  heart  and  lungs. 
The    body    so    freighted    will    much    better 

weather  the  blustery  gales  of  business  wear 

142 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

and  tear ;  the  strong  persistent  head-winds  of 
loneHness  and  disillusionment ;  or  the  black 
tempests  loosed  by  the  sinking  of  loved  ones 
into  the  deeps  of  the  Quiet  Sea. 

Yet  every  shield  has  a  reverse.  There  is  a 
point  beyond  which  fat  is  excess  baggage, 
and  in  which  the  effort  expended  in  carrying  it 
around  becomes  love's  labor  lost.  This  dead- 
line is  passed  when  we  carry  about  more  than 
the  number  of  pounds  permitted  by  the  cold- 
blooded height,  age,  and  weight  tables.  Then 
every  excessive  pound  constitutes  itself  an 
oleaginous  handicap  in  the  physical  race. 
No  man  who  is  able  to  rock  his  abdomen  to 
sleep  in  his  lap  is  properly  qualified  for  the 
hurdles  of  life.  To  be  fat  and  scant  of 
breath,  then,  is  the  least  of  our  punishment. 
The  system  will  ultimately  demand  its  pound 
of  flesh,  freed  from  clogging  envelopes  of  fat. 

There  is  no  denying  that  in  obesity  the 
heart  must  work  harder  to  lift  its  column  of 
blood  and  send  it  coursing  to  the  extremities  ; 

143 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

that  the  lungs  must  be  overworked  in  order 
to  supply  oxygen  to  superabundant  tissue ; 
and  that  even  so  grave  a  condition  as  fatty 
degeneration  of  important  internal  organs 
may  spell  final  ruin  for  the  excessively  cor- 
pulent. Admitting  that  fatty  degeneration  is 
sometimes  likely  to  occur  in  thin,  emaciated  in- 
dividuals, it  is  much  more  prevalent  among 
those  of  Falstaffian  build.  This  is  the  most 
serious  penalty  that  Nature  inflicts  for  in- 
ordinate fatness.  But  true  fatty  degeneration 
is  comparatively  rare. 

Fat  folk  are  especially  liable  to  heat  pros- 
tration, hardening  of  the  arteries,  dropsy, 
annoying  skin  eruptions,  diabetes,  asthma, 
apoplexy,  gall  stones,  and  gout.  They  stand 
serious  operations  poorly,  and  lack  resistance 
to  acute  infection.  Also,  they  are  very  sub- 
ject to  anemia,  and  conditions  resulting  from 
lack  of  red  cells  in  the  blood,  and  peculiarly 
enough,  anemia  returns  this  compliment  by 

conducing  to  fat  more  than  does  plethora. 

144 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

This  will  be  understood  when  we  remember 
that  oxygen,  which  burns  up  fat,  is  carried 
through  the  circulation  in  the  red  corpuscles. 
Consequently,  those  who  lack  red  corpuscles, 
as  do  the  anemic,  cannot  oxydize  and  "break 
down"  the  fat  globules  as  rapidly  as  can  the 
full-blooded.  This  explains  why  sometimes 
"breaking  down"  results  from  "building  up." 

But  there  are  some  things  worse  than  being 
overly  plump,  and  these  are  the  methods 
sometimes  used  to  eradicate  the  condition. 
The  worst  evil  with  these  is  that  the  more 
effectual,  the  more  dangerous  they  are. 
Remedies  and  methods  that  "just  make  the 
fat  fly"  are  extremely  likely  to  make  the 
owner  of  the  fat  fly  also.  Avoid,  as  you 
would  a  pestilence,  all  those  wonderful  agents 
discovered  by  a  renowned  "professor"  in 
the  wilds  of  Beloochistan,  or  bequeathed  to 
the  advertiser  by  some  famous  Indian  Medi- 
cine Man.  They  are  usually  ninety-eight  per 
cent,  fake,  and  the  balance  pure  swindle.     The 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

only  two  internal  remedies  which  have  any 
certain  value  as  "fat  reducers"  are  uncertain 
as  to  what  else  they  may  do  while  they  are 
reducing.  Consequently,  they  should  never 
be  used  except  under  the  watchful  guidance 
of  a  physician.  Most  other  remedies  are 
valueless.  In  fact,  the  manufacturers  of 
"anti-fat"  nostrums  have  guileless  con- 
sciences, like  cormorants,  together  with  a 
sardonic  quality  of  humor  that  Mephis- 
topheles  would  have  envied. 

This  was  demonstrated  by  the  Bureau  of 
Chemistry  of  the  United  States  Depart- 
ment of  Agriculture,  which  recently  "tested 
out"  a  series  of  nostrums  widely  advertised 
as  fat  reducers.  Two  of  the  subjects  of  the 
experiments  were  obliged,  after  the  second 
week,  to  stop  taking  a  "favorite  specific"  of 
a  Great  Obesity  Specialist.  If  they  hadn't 
stopped,  the  "cure"  might  have  killed  them. 

Another    subject    gained    two    and    a    half 

pounds   on   a    "Guaranteed   Discovery,"    in- 

146 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

stead  of  joyfully  parting  with  any.  He 
quit,  alleging  that  he  had  all  he  could  do  to 
get  around  in  his  present  condition. 

Another  victim  scrupulously  followed  a 
diet  list,  and  conscientiously  carried  out  a 
series  of  exercises.  He  lost  eighteen  pounds 
in  six  months,  chiefly  because  he  ate  no 
starchy  food,  bread,  butter,  pastries,  fats, 
or  sweets.  However,  within  six  weeks  after 
discontinuing  this  excellent  course  of  treat- 
ment, for  which  thousands  had  paid  and  will 
continue  to  pay,  good  money,  he  was  again 
fair,  fat,  and  forty,  —  and  gaining  rapidly  in 
the  last  two  items. 

Other  ingenious  preparations  tested  by  the 
Bureau  contained  mostly  soap.  All  you  were 
required  to  do  with  these  was  to  rub  long  and 
strong  enough,  and  the  fat  would  leave  the 
rubbed  spot :  which  is  true.  But  none  could 
remain  at  that  spot  long  enough  to  accom- 
plish this.  They  would  necessarily  have  to 
stop  for  meals  and  a  reasonable  amount  of 

147 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

sleep,  and  many  of  them  might  have  other 
business  which  would  demand  some  share  of 
their  attention.  Otherwise  the  "cure"  would 
work  perfectly. 

Another  effective  method  of  being  swindled 
in  getting  slim  consists  in  placing  epsom 
salts,  washing  soda,  or  other  alkalies  in  the 
bath  water.  These,  and  similarly  innocuous 
compounds,  are  the  basis  of  most  of  the  ex- 
ternal obesity  cures,  —  those  wonderful  foun- 
tains of  sveltitude,  where  you  simply  put  a 
few  cents'  worth  of  something  for  which  you 
paid  a  dollar  into  the  bath  water,  and  the 
fat  is  "washed  away",  vanishing  with  a 
chuckling  gurgle  down  the  waste  pipe.  The 
ingenious  philosopher  in  Gulliver^s  Travels 
wasted  his  time  and  talents  in  attempting  to 
bottle  the  sunshine  and  extract  moonbeams 
from  cucumbers.  He  should  have  invented 
washing-soda  bath  salts  that  banish  blubber, 
and  not  have  left  this  remarkable  achievement 
for  his  unregenerate  fat-reducing  descendants. 

148 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

The  potent  feature  of  most  of  the  so-called 
obesity  cures  is  the  assurance  of  their  pro- 
moters that  it  is  ''not  necessary  to  change 
your  habits  in  the  sHghtest."  Also  that 
"you  may  eat  all  you  want",  which  usually 
has  a  strong  appeal  for  most  of  those  up- 
holstered amply,  but  not  well. 

But,  it  will  be  asked,  is  there  no  balm  in 
Gilead  ?  Is  there  no  way  of  parting  amicably 
with  that  perilous  stuff  that  doth  weigh  upon 
the  heart  —  and  all  the  other  internal  organs  ? 

There  are  ways,  many  of  them.  Safe, 
sound,  and  conservative  ways,  but  mostly 
they  lie  over  the  rough  and  arduous  paths 
of  self-denial,  and  the  pilgrim  scourges  him- 
self onward  with  the  whip  of  hard  work. 

First,  it  must  be  recognized  that  there 
are  certain  diseases  in  which  excessive  cor- 
pulency is  merely  a  symptom,  among  which 
are  dropsy  and  disturbances  in  the  pituitary 
and  other  glands.  Before  fat  reduction  is 
attempted,  these  causes  for  increased   avoir- 

149 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

dupois  must  be  excluded  by  careful  examina- 
tion of  a  physician. 

Failing  to  find  such  cause,  we  can  definitely 
assume  that  herein  the  patient  must  minister 
to  himself,  and  to  that  effect  he  would  do  well 
to  inaugurate  a  campaign  somewhat  after 
this  line  of  reasoning.  Fat  is  derived  from 
food,  and  no  matter  how  little  food  we  may 
be  getting,  we  are  getting  either  the  wrong 
kind,  or  too  much  of  the  right  kind.  In 
either  case  we  can  correct  this  readily.  It 
requires  merely  that  we  reduce  the  fuel  in- 
take of  food  to  a  point  below  the  expenditure 
in  bodily  activity;  or  else  increase  bodily 
activity  until  more  than  the  daily  intake  of 
food  energy  is  consumed,  or  both.  In  short, 
the  cure  for  obesity  is  less  eating  and  more 
exercise.  This  is  also  a  permanent  cure, 
provided  one  does  not  discontinue  the  things 
that  make  it  permanent. 

While  the  system  can  make  fat  out  of  any 

foodstuff,  it  makes  it  with  almost  ridiculous 

ISO 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

ease  from  starches  and  sugars.  These  foods, 
by  readily  yielding  their  energy,  save  the  ex- 
penditure of  stored  fat  (which  might  be  called 
unused  energy),  and  being  rapidly  assimilated, 
aid  in  the  increase  of  this  store.  Alcohol 
also,  by  unduly  hastening  the  conversion  of 
albumins,  sets  free  fat-producing  substances, 
which  materially  assist  in  padding  the  over- 
generous  blanket  of  fat. 

There  are  three  much  vaunted  and  highly 
scientific  diet  systems,  calculated  to  render 
the  surfeited  sylphlike.  They  are  all,  in 
varying  degree,  based  upon  the  vigorous 
Spartan  principle  of  semi-starvation. 

Ebstein  is  the  most  liberal,  as  befits  his 
Germanic  origin.  Next  comes  Oertel,  with  a 
restricted  menu  consisting  of  the  lean  of 
roast  or  boiled  beef,  veal,  mutton,  and  game. 
Also  fresh  eggs,  and  green  vegetables,  such 
as  cabbage  and  spinach,  small  quantities  of 
sugars,  starches,  and  fat,  and  very  limited 
supplies  of  fluid. 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

Most  dangerous  of  all  for  home  treatment 
is  Doctor  Banting's  system,  which  totally 
excludes  fats,  forbids  the  largest  possible 
amount  of  sugar  and  starch,  and  limits  the 
daily  indulgence  in  fluids  to  a  trifle  more 
than  one  quart.  The  total  quantity  of  food 
is  reduced  to  between  twenty  and  twenty-five 
ounces  of  dry  food  daily,  half  of  this  being 
meat.  The  fault  with  Banting's  method  — 
and  this  is  true  in  lesser  degree  of  the  others 
also — is  that  it  fails  to  provide  for  the  elimi- 
nation of  waste  products.  If  there  is  nothing 
wrong  with  a  patient  before  he  commences 
this  drastic  treatment,  except  that  he  is  too 
fat,  there  will  likely  be  before  he  concludes  — 
that  is,  provided  he  doesn't  quit  before  he 
concludes. 

Yet  it  is  not  necessary  to  punish  one's 
self  dietetically,  or  risk  certain  dangers,  for  the 
sake  of  accumulating  curves  where  formerly 
tossed  and  seethed  a  wide,  shapeless  expanse. 

It  is  merely  necessary  to  eliminate  all  surplus 

152 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

features  of  the  diet,  and  limit  the  amount  of 
food  to  that  required  to  maintain  strength. 

This  is  accomplished  by  relying  upon  lean 
meats,  with  liberal  amounts  of  green  vege- 
tables to  give  bulk  and  satiety.  These  may 
include  lettuce,  celery,  tomatoes,  onions, 
parsley,  and  sour  fruit.  Also  salads,  pro- 
vided they  are  eaten  without  oil. 

Pork,  and  all  fat  meats,  oily  fish,  such  as 
mackerel  and  salmon,  potatoes,  rice,  pie, 
tapioca,  and  farinaceous  puddings  should 
be  avoided.  Also  rich  gravies  and  sauces, 
cakes,  pastries  and  ice  cream,  beets  and 
sweet  fruits,  —  figs,  prunes,  dates,  grapes 
and  oranges,  candies  and  all  sugars,  so  far  as 
possible.  Graham  bread  and  gems,  or  dry 
toast,  may  be  substituted  for  white  bread. 

No  attempt  should  be  made  to  replace  sugar 
with  saccharine,  except  by  the  advice  of  a  phy- 
sician, as  it  is  a  dangerous  drug  for  indiscrimi- 
nate use.  Taboo  beer  and  malt  liquors  as  you 
would  seal  oil,  pemmican,  or  chocolate  bars. 

153 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Fluids  should  be  limited  in  quantity,  but 
not  so  limited  that  the  system  will  suffer 
from  lack  of  one  of  its  principal  sources  of 
elimination.  A  cup  of  hot  or  cold  water, 
with  the  unsweetened  juice  of  half  a  lemon, 
on  rising  in  the  morning,  and  another  in  the 
afternoon,  helps  the  liver  to  keep  active,  and 
sometimes  aids  in  fat  reduction. 

The  use  of  plain  soups  which  are  filling 
but  not  fattening  should  be  encouraged. 
Milk,  which  is  about  seven  eighths  water  and 
one  eighth  solids,  is  also  excellent.  Butter- 
milk, or  soured  milk,  —  au  naturel,  or  beaten 
into  a  froth  with  an  tg^  beater,  —  if  eaten 
slowly,  a  small  mouthful  at  a  time,  makes  a 
nourishing  and  satisfying  meal. 

If  the  food  is  thoroughly  chewed,  not  neces- 
sarily Fletcherized,  much  less  of  it  will  sat- 
isfy the  appetite.  Masticate  each  mouthful 
until  it  is  turned  into  a  thin  liquid,  or  until 
swallowing  becomes  almost  an  involuntary 
act. 

154 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

A  high-strung,  nervous,  pessimistic  man  or 
woman  will  convert  into  energy  food  that  the 
slow-moving,  placid  optimist  stores  up  as 
fat.  So,  unless  you  choose  to  have  your 
attractiveness  measured  by  the  pound,  worry 
mildly.  Have  an  object  in  life.  Even  the 
mad  gallop  on  a  hobby-horse  is  better  than 
the  dolce  far  niente  of  the  lotus  eater. 

Cold  water  baths,  if  they  do  not  cause 
rheumatism  or  nervous  shock,  are  an  excellent 
aid  in  fat-combustion. 

It  is  also  well  to  avoid  sleeping  too  much, 
and  it  is  especially  advisable  to  forego  the 
doubtful  luxury  of  the  afternoon  nap.  We 
build  tissue  faster  during  sleep  than  we  do 
while  active  or  awake.  Six  or  seven  hours 
of  uninterrupted  sleep,  provided  one  feels 
rested  and  recuperated,  should  be  enough. 
Get  enough  sleep  to  repair  waste;  but  be 
satisfied  with  enough. 

Exercise  of  all  kinds  is  almost  indispensable. 
When   it   can   be   indulged   in,    swimming   is 

I5S 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

probably  the  best  form,  as  it  exercises  the 
little-used  muscles  of  the  abdomen,  as  well 
as  nearly  every  other  muscle  in  the  body, 
except,  perhaps,  those  rudimentary  muscles 
that  wag  our  ears.  The  cold  water  also 
melts  away  the  stored  fat  in  a  natural  and 
extremely  effective  manner. 

Walking,  golfing,  passing  the  medicine- 
ball,  dancing,  horseback-riding,  tennis,  boat- 
ing, and  all  outdoor  activities  and  forms  of 
gymnastics  that  can  be  practised  in  well- 
ventilated  rooms,  are  also  very  beneficial. 
In  fact,  all  muscular  exertion  that  does  not 
put  too  much  strain  upon  the  heart  and  cir- 
culatory apparatus  is  helpful.  All  the  stoop- 
ing, twisting,  and  turning  movements  of 
housework,  which  do  not  have  to  be  conducted 
to  the  accompaniment  of  a  storm  of  dust  or 
a  cloud  of  steam,  are  splendid  "reducers." 

Exercise  is  best  that  provides  an  object. 
It  is  then  not  so  likely  to  pall  upon  one  and 
become  a  penance.     But  usually  the  pounds 

156 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

they  must  lose  become  a  sufficiently  Important 
object  to  the  ultra-corpulent.  And  remember, 
as  an  incentive  to  exercise  in  the  open  air, 
fat  is  composed  chiefly  of  carbon,  and  oxygen 
burns  carbon  just  as  fire  consumes  blubber. 

Massage,  accompanied  by  stretching  and 
flexing  of  the  muscles,  is  a  very  sensible  pro- 
cedure, especially  if  it  can  be  done  by  the  one 
who  is  to  derive  chiefest  benefit  from  it. 

Where  two  or  more  chins  grow  where  only 
one  grew  some  time  before,  the  chins  and  neck 
should  be  vigorously  massaged  with  alternate 
strokes,  rubbing  briskly  from  center  to  sides. 

The  facial  wrinkles  that  sometimes  follow 
fat  removal  may  be  cold-compressed  or  iced 
into  a  state  of  tonic  contraction. 

Some  ladies  derive  considerable  benefit 
from  rolling  over  and  over  on  a  rug ;  others 
crawl,  bend,  stretch,  stoop,  twist,  and  turn 
like  contortionists.  Others  gallop  madly 
about  the  floor  on  all  fours,  to  the  great  con- 
fusion of  their  common  enemy,  fat.     Others 

157 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

stretch  arms  wildly  up,  and  as  far  back  as 
physical  exigencies  permit,  with  much  ulti- 
mate reduction  in  bust  measure. 

Lying  upon  the  back  and  slowly  raising  the 
legs  with  stiffened  knees,  then  lowering  them 
with  equal  deliberation,  discourages  embon- 
point. That  classic  exercise  known  as  "pick- 
ing pins",  in  which  the  devotee  stands  with 
stiffened  knees  and,  with  outstretched  fingers, 
touches  the  floor  repeatedly,  also  punishes 
ponderosity. 

Kicking  is  good  for  hips  and  bad  for  fat. 
High-kicking  a  la  ballet  dancer ;  front-kick- 
ing, ostrich  fashion ;  and  side  and  back 
kicking,  mule  fashion,  are  all  very  effective, 
as  contributing  to  the  straight  front  —  and 
sides.  But  bear  in  mind  that  exercise,  to 
have  any  permanent  value,  must  be  regularly 
done.  Like  woman's  work,  it  must  be  begun 
anew  each  day. 

Turkish  baths  will  reduce  flesh,  but  those 
strong    enough    to    stand    their    debilitating 

158 


SIDE-STEPPING   STOUTNESS 

influence  are  strong  enough  to  get  rid  of  their 
excess  in  safer  ways.  And  those  not  suffi- 
ciently sturdy  had  better  bear  the  ills  they 
have  rather  than  fly  to  others  they  know  not 
of. 

The  surgical  amputation  of  fat  will  never 
have  a  very  large  appeal.  First,  because  unless 
one  materially  alters  one's  mode  of  life,  the 
fat  will  not  stay  amputated ;  and  secondly, 
because  none  but  the  most  heroic  or  fool- 
hardy will  subject  themselves  to  the  dangers 
of  a  major  surgical  operation,  except  as  a 
very  last  resort.  And  then  only  once  in  a 
lifetime ;  whereas  fat  reduction  is  a  lifetime 
job.  At  least,  it  seems  like  a  lifetime  to 
those  engaged  in  it. 

Do  not  depend  entirely  upon  the  unreliable 
scales  for  aflirmative  evidence  that  you  are 
parting  with  your  too  bountiful  store.  Rather 
leave  it  to  the  unbiased  decision  of  the  tape 
measure.  For  fat  is  of  a  sponge-like  texture, 
and  very  light  in  weight.     Much  of  it  may 

IS9 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

disappear  with  but  little  corresponding  re- 
duction in  weight.  If  a  woman  needs  the 
services  of  a  dressmaker  to  take  in  four  or 
five  inches  in  her  gowns,  or  a  man  requires 
his  tailor  to  take  a  reef  in  his  waistband,  or 
furl  the  back  of  his  coat,  scales  are  not  needed. 

Any  method  that  produces  irritability, 
restlessness,  weakness,  and  an  uncomfortable 
craving  for  food  is  doing  far  more  harm  than 
are  the  few  extra  pounds  of  peaceful  adipose. 
No  method  which  endangers  life  and  health 
is  safe  to  experiment  with.  Only  those  which 
are  tried  and  true,  and  which  meet  the  ap- 
proval of  one's  physician,  should  be  ventured, 
—  always  remembering  that  more  exercise  and 
less  food  will  indubitably  make  fat  Jack  thin. 
It  means  denial,  much  hard  work,  and  little 
rest.     But  it  can  be  done. 

After   all,    if   a   queen   bee   results   from   a 

change  in  diet,  why  should  not  some  similar 

course   produce   the   desired   modification   in 

the  human  form  divine  i 

1 60 


CHAPTER  X 
Hair  and  Heads 

AS  a  principle  of  hirsute  economics,  it 
might  well  be  contended  that  a  hair  on 
the  head  is  worth  two  in  the  brush.  Further, 
it  may  be  observed  that  the  perennial  attempt 
to  keep  that  hair  out  of  the  brush  and  on  the 
head  has  been  one  of  the  most  interesting 
and  inspiring  pursuits  of  mankind  —  and 
especially  womankind  —  ever  since  men  and 
women  first  realized  how  much  more  beautiful 
they  were  with  it  than  without  it. 

Considering  this  mop  of  a  material  that  has 
absolutely  no  physical  or  physiological  use, 
which  toils  not,  neither  does  it  spin,  which  is 
not  sufficiently  voluminous  to  keep  one  warm 

in   winter   or   cool    in    summer,    which    isn't 

i6i 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

thick  enough  to  overcome  the  direful  effects 
of  a  carefully  directed  brickbat,  which  is 
merely  a  perpetual  source  of  labor  and  worry, 
the  miracle  is  that  folk  put  so  much  store  by 
hair  as  they  do ;  that,  instead  of  rejoicing  in 
the  loss  of  it,  —  as  the  old  man  in  Plato's 
dialogue  rejoiced  in  the  senile  subsidence  of 
the  madness  called  ''love",  —  they  bewail 
its  passing. 

For  who  is  there  to  deny  that  it  would  be 
infinitely  more  easy  to  comb  his  hair  with  a 
sponge  than  it  is  to  fritter  away  hours  sham- 
pooing, singeing,  and  dousing  it  with  tonics, 
to  say  nothing  of  months  of  valuable  time 
spent  in  massaging  its  base  of  attachment  ? 

And  yet,  with  a  hearty,  cheerful,  I'll-stay- 
with-you-awhile  head  of  hair,  a  man  arro- 
gantly assumes  the  front  of  Jove  himself. 
Omitted  from  his  make-up,  all  the  voyage  of 
his  life  is  bound  in  jest  and  "josh",  he  becomes 
the  butt  of  rude  and  carping  criticism,  and 

must  perforce  submit  to  the  scoffing  injunc- 

162 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

tion,  "Go  up,  thou  baldhead!"  And  for  a 
woman  to  lose  her  golden,  or  raven,  or  neutral- 
colored  tresses  is  a  calamity  beside  which 
the  fall  of  Troy  and  the  destruction  of  Babylon 
are  mere  bagatelles. 

Why  is  this  ?  Why  is  it  that  a  woman  is 
perfectly  willing  to  exhibit  her  neck  and 
shoulders  in  the  winter,  and  her  ankles  in 
the  summer,  but  her  bare  scalp  never  ? 
Why  should  men  and  women  secure  a  varie- 
gated assortment  of  wigs,  rats,  puffs,  switches, 
and  what-nots,  and  arrogate  to  themselves  a 
youthful  aspect  though  they  have  it  not  ? 
These  be  vexing  questions  indeed,  and  yet 
there  is  an  answer.     Here  it  is  : 

It  is  inherent  in  man  —  meaning  woman 
also  —  to  be  proud  of  his  luxuriant  locks. 
Hair  is  subconsciously  associated  with  physi- 
cal well-being,  as  an  expression  of  bodily 
vitality.  Man  resents  being  thought  a  weak- 
ling, even  though  he  is.  He  also  uncon- 
sciously assumes  the  mental  attitude  of  the 

163 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

old  lion  with  his  mane,  or  the  peacock  with 
his  tail,  or  the  stag  with  his  spreading  antlers. 
These  were  intended  by  Nature  to  fascinate 
and  hypnotize  the  female  of  the  species  into 
forgetting  all  other  imperfections  of  her  ardent 
suitor. 

For  a  baldheaded  cave  man  would  have 
stood  no  more  show  —  nor  have  a  right  to 
expect  that  he  would  —  with  the  lady  mem- 
bers of  his  high-born  race  than  would  Caliban 
with  Juno.  It  would  be  a  mesalliance,  in 
the  complete  meaning  of  the  word.  And  for 
a  baldheaded  cave  lady  presuming  even  to 
think  of  setting  her  cap  for  any  Neandertha- 
loid  gentleman  in  his  right  senses,  the  idea  is 
preposterous !  Not  by  the  widest  stretch 
of  the  imagination  could  we  conceive  of  our 
grandad  of  the  Stone  Age  knocking  lustily 
with  a  gnarled  club  on  the  occiput  of  a  lady 
with  a  head  like  the  side  view  of  an  egg. 
Besides,  suppose  he  did,  for  spite,  there  would 
be  no  hair  whereby  he  could  drag  her  into  his 

164 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

cave,  —  the  only  accepted  and  conventional 
method  of  courtship  in  those  halcyon  days. 
Our  ancestors  simply  had  to  have  hair.  No 
excuses  were  accepted. 

Now,  these  mental  impressions  are  trans- 
mitted to  us  as  inheritances.  They  are  the  ex- 
perience of  the  race,  just  as  is  our  instinctive 
fear  of  the  dark,  or  of  high  places,  or  of  snakes 
and  poisonous  insects.  That's  why  we  hate 
to  be  bald,  why  we  fight,  tooth  and  nail, 
for  the  last  faint  wisp  of  our  personal  hair, 
no  matter  how  humble  or  mud-colored  it 
maybe. 

As  a  matter  of  cold  philosophy  and  scientific 
reason,  in  this  age  of  hats,  steam  heat,  um- 
brellas, sunshades,  and  infected  barbers'  tools, 
a  man  or  woman  would  be  better  off  without 
the  incumbrance  of  hair.  But  it  will  take 
another  five  hundred  thousand  years  to  per- 
suade people  to  this  view. 

Let  us  see,  then,  why  and  how  the  hair 
leaves  the  head,  why  it  is  driven  from  home 

i6S. 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

and  fond  companions.  There  have  been 
more  arguments  about  this  question  than 
would  fill  another  Alexandrian  library,  If  It 
were  all  written  out  on  rolls  of  parchment. 
Out  of  the  turmoil  and  the  clash  of  opposing 
legions  of  opinions,  and  from  the  debris  left 
scattered  on  many  windy  battlefields,  we 
may  gather  some  few  fragments  of  fact; 
surprisingly  few,  considering  the  din  and  the 
energy  with  which  the  opposing  phalanxes 
threshed  the  question. 

First,  the  reassuring  side.  As  a  matter  of 
cheer  and  comfort,  we  should  remember  that 
no  one  has  yet  suffered  a  fatal  attack  of  bald- 
head.  Further,  If  the  hair  didn't  fall.  It 
wouldn't  stay  on.  And  one  reason  It  stays 
on  as  long  as  It  does  Is  because  each  hair  falls 
out  naturally  every  little  while,  —  from  two 
months  to  two  years,  depending  upon  con- 
ditions, —  and  Is  replaced  by  a  new  hair, 
which  shoots  up  from  the  root  through  the 
shaft  compulsorlly  made  vacant  by  the  simple 

1 66 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

process  of  the  newcomer's  pushing  the  old- 
timer  out  of  his  vigorous  way.  So  we  are 
constantly  losing  hair.  This  is  all  right,  if 
the  rate  of  replacement  equals  the  rate  of  loss. 
If  the  ratio  swings  in  the  wrong  direction, 
however,  we  are  shortly  conscious  of  the  un- 
pleasant fact  that  complete  or  partial  baldness 
looms  dismally  over  the  not-distant  horizon. 
Next  it  has  been  shown  that  hair  vigor  leans 
upon  the  sturdy  shoulder  of  physical  vigor : 
sometimes,  but  not  always.  If  the  general 
health  is  good,  and  the  body  well  nourished, 
the  hair  has  undoubtedly  a  better  chance  for 
the  pursuit  of  happiness  than  if  the  body  is 
anemic,  toneless,  and  generally  run  down ; 
for  the  first  thing  to  suffer  is  the  hair.  Nature 
simply  says,  "Pooh!  What's  the  use  of  my 
wasting  nutritive  substance  on  a  bunch  of 
withered  material  that  Isn't  even  fit  to  stuff  a 
mattress  with?"  Then  she  shuts  off  the 
supply  of  food,  and  the  hairs  starve  to  death 

and  drop  off  one  by  one.     If  we  expect  to 

167 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

hold  to  our  hair,  we  must  give  the  hair  some- 
thing to  hold  to. 

We  know  now  that  high  hats,  or  tight  hats, 
or  bare  heads  are  all  one  to  the  hair.  We  used 
to  believe  that  the  tight  bands  of  stiff  hats 
restricted  the  flow  of  blood  to  the  scalp,  and 
consequently  cut  off  nutrition  from  the  hair 
bulbs.  Now  we  know  that  the  temporal 
arteries,  which  are  the  only  ones  constricted 
by  hatband  pressure,  have  nothing  to  do 
with  supplying  that  part  of  the  scalp  — 
on  the  classic  dome  of  the  head  —  where, 
in  man,  the  hair  first  parts  reluctantly  from 
its  moorings.  So  it  readily  can  be  seen 
that  the  hat  is  not  responsible  for  the  hair- 
less head. 

Strangely  enough,  pressure  upon  the  small 

arteries  on  the  occiput  or  apex  of  the  cranium, 

which  women   practise   quite  extensively  by 

means  of  pinning  rats  and  hats  on  the  hair 

rooted    in    this    area,    produces    baldness    in 

the  region  of  the  temples. 

i68 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

Of  course  we  understand  that  when  hats, 
or  rats,  cause  perspiration,  the  moisture 
mingles  with  the  oil  of  the  hair,  producing  a 
condition  of  rancidity.  This  rots  the  hair, 
and  makes  it  fall  untimely ;  but,  for  the  mat- 
ter of  that,  going  bareheaded  will  accomplish 
the  same  result,  provided  it  produces  perspira- 
tion faster  than  the  hair  evaporates  it. 

The  next  most  comforting  aspect  of  hair 
is  that  it  stays  longest  on  a  fat  head.  The 
relation  between  head,  fat,  and  hair  is  so  in- 
timate that,  bereaved  of  fat,  the  head  may 
survive,  but  the  hair  never.  For  the  thing 
that  makes  hair  possible  is  that  its  roots  draw 
a  definite  proportion  of  their  nourishment  from 
a  layer  of  fat,  which  is  sandwiched  in  between 
the  bony  tables  of  the  skull  and  the  scalp 
proper.  Upon  the  thickness  of  this  layer  of 
fat  depends  the  thickness  of  the  head  of  hair 
it  nourishes.  And  upon  its  remaining  in 
situ    depends    the    continued    attachment   of 

hair  and  head. 

169 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

This  is  one  of  the  most  cheerful  and  yet  one 
of  the  most  painful  subjects  connected  with 
hair,  —  cheerful,  because  no  matter  what 
happens,  how  many  dandruff  germs  may 
bivouac  on  the  old  camp  ground,  or  how 
fast  the  hair  wilts  and  droops,  or  what 
microbian  disease  may  infect  it,  if  there  is 
a  plump  layer  of  fat  underneath  the  scalp, 
leaving  it  free  to  wriggle  and  be  wriggled, 
without  wriggling  the  skin  of  the  face  or 
the  back  of  the  neck  at  the  same  time, 
there  is  hope. 

This  explains  why  hair  falls  out  after  ex- 
hausting fevers,  and  comes  in  again.  The 
body's  fat  supply  is  burnt  up  by  the  febrile 
process,  or  is  drawn  upon  and  utilized  to 
furnish  energy.  Consequently  the  hair  suffers 
from  lack  of  food,  and  signifies  the  same  by 
coming  out  in  handfuls.  When  the  patient's 
head  becomes  fat  once  more  the  hair  returns. 

It  doesn't  matter  what  else  you  may  have 
in  the  way  of  robust  health,  a  golfer's  constitu- 

170 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

tion,  or  unlimited  time  and  means  wherewith 
to  care  for  your  head,  if  the  layer  of  the  fat 
is  not  there.  For  this  fat  supplies  the  scalp 
with  a  reserve  upon  which  the  hair  bulbs 
may  draw  at  their  leisure.  And  further,  it 
keeps  the  scalp  freely  movable :  not  bound 
down  over  a  bony  skull  like  the  leather  on  a 
baseball.  We  might  almost  translate  the  re- 
lations of  fat  and  hair  and  head  by  saying 
that  one  chief  reason  why  the  hair  vacates 
the  premises  is  that  the  scalp  does  not  move. 
All  the  care  and  coaxing  in  the  world  will  not 
prevent  the  hair  from  deserting  a  sterile 
pasture.  It  isn't  "early  piety",  or  a  twenty 
horsepower  brain  that  causes  baldness :  it 
Is  lack  of  food,  and  the  presence  of  microbes. 
This  is  the  clue.  Now,  how  to  apply  our 
knowledge. 

First,  we  must  understand  that  germs  cause 
irritation  ;  irritation  causes  inflammation  ;  and 
inflammation  eats  up  fat  —  and  sometimes 
forms   scar  tissue  in   its  place.     With   these 

171 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

facts  in  mind,  let  us  examine  the  chief  causes 
of  inflammation. 

Most  important  of  these  is  seborrhea,  a 
highly  contagious  disease.  It  is  caused  by 
microbes,  and  may  be  —  in  fact,  almost  al- 
ways is — contracted  in  barber  shops  or  hair- 
dressing  establishments,  or  by  using  toilet 
articles  that  have  been  infected  by  a  victim 
of  dandruff.  The  pathological  action  set  up 
by  these  microbes  produces  an  increased 
flow  of  the  oily  secretions  at  the  roots  of  the 
hair.  These  secretions  harden  and  form  scales 
on  the  surface  of  the  scalp,  which  obstruct 
the  mouths  of  the  glandular  ducts,  fill  up  the 
hair  follicles,  and  choke  the  life  out  of  the 
hair. 

In  fact,  many  medical  men  contend  that 

the   dandruff   germ   can   "eat  off"   the   hair 

itself,  without  going  through  the  roundabout 

method  of  cutting  off  its  base   of    supplies. 

In  proof  they  submit  that  in  some  of  these 

ancient  brushes  fastened  with  a  chain  to  the 

172 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

washstand  in  certain  old-fashioned  hotels,  — ■ 
those  awful  places  advertised  as  ''homelike", 
—  the  bristles  themselves  are  partly  destroyed 
by  microorganisms.  This,  however,  is  prob- 
ably an  error  in  diagnosis. 

In  treating  seborrhea  a  weekly  shampoo 
of  the  scalp  with  mineral  oil,  —  fortnightly 
in  the  case  of  women,  —  followed  by  a 
thorough  washing  with  some  bland  vegetable 
soap  incorporating  cocoanut  or  olive  oil  in 
its  base,  afterward  rinsing  freely  and  rubbing 
the  scalp  with  olive  or  castor  oil,  affords 
good  results.  It  may  take  many  weary 
months  of  treatment,  however,  —  before  these 
are  apparent. 

A  fungoid  disease  of  the  scalp,  which 
afflicts  our  foreign-born  population  more  fre- 
quently than  it  does  native  Americans,  is 
favus.  This  is  caused  by  a  vegetable  parasite 
which  produces  great  inflammation  and  de- 
struction of  tissue.  If  taken  in  time,  however, 
the  disease  is  readily  cured  by  shaving  the 

173 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

head  and  subjecting  it  to  thorough  antiseptic 
treatment.  But  if  treatment  isn't  instituted 
early  enough,  or  is  not  sufficiently  radical, 
the  condition  results  in  permanent  patchy 
baldness. 

Medical  men,  who  have  always  had  a 
particular  fondness  for  big  words,  call  this 
baldness  ^'alopocia",  a  word  that  means 
*'fox";  this,  because  the  fox  sometimes 
has  bald  spots  on  his  forehead,  and  is, 
in  fact,  rather  susceptible  to  patchy  bald- 
headedness. 

An  excess  of  uric  acid  in  the  blood  sometimes 
causes  dryness  and  brittleness  of  the  hair. 
Indeed,  many  physicians  contend  that  the 
uric  acid  pours  out  upon  the  scalp  in  seeking 
an  outlet  from  the  body  on  lines  of  least  re- 
sistance, killing  off  the  hair,  and  eating  up  the 
fat.  Those  large,  greasy  flakes  of  dandruff 
are,  so  they  say,  merely  a  combination  of  uric 
acid,  dirt,  and  the  natural  hair  oil.  Regu- 
lation of  the  diet,  with  a  view  to  correcting 

174 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

the  uric  acid  condition  of  the  blood,  is  indi- 
cated here. 

Men  who  work  under  incandescent  electric 
bulbs  are  likely  to  part  with  their  hair  at  an 
early  age,  as  also  are  those  who  dispense  with 
hats  in  summer,  and  ride,  golf,  or  iish  bare- 
headed. It  is  probable  that  the  actinic  rays 
of  the  sun  have  a  specially  melting  influence 
upon  the  fatty  layer  under  the  scalp,  owing 
to  their  remarkable  powers  of  penetration. 
In  any  event,  going  bareheaded  often  results 
in  growing  baldheaded. 

A  prevalent  cause  of  baldness  in  women  is 
maltreatment  of  the  scalp.  This  occurs  when 
incompetently  trained  hairdressers  massage 
scalps  that  should  have  perfect  rest,  and 
also  scrub  and  rub  tender  heads  that  should  be 
cherished  and  soothed.  Such  vigorous  treat- 
ment sets  up  irritation,  if  not  actual  inflam- 
mation. Sometimes  a  little  knowledge  may 
be  just  suflicient  to  do  a  great  deal  of  harm. 
When  a  condition  out  of  the  ordinary  affects 

I7S 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

the  scalp  or  influences  the  hair,  the  proper 
man  to  see  for  advice  and  treatment  is  a  skin 
speciaHst,  not  a  beauty  doctor. 

"Hot  hair  cones"  for  drying  the  scalp, 
frequently  used  in  beauty  shops,  are  exceed- 
ingly bad  for  the  hair  and  scalp ;  also  for  the 
heart  and  lungs.  They  sometimes  produce 
nausea  at  the  time  of  use,  or  car  sickness  on 
the  way  home. 

"Scotch  showers",  which  are  alternate 
currents  of  hot  and  cold  water  douched  on 
the  scalp,  are  injurious  to  the  nerves.  They 
also  affect  the  circulation  adversely,  by  too 
frequently  changing  the  caliber  of  the  little 
veins  and  arteries,  contracting  and  expanding 
them  until  they  lose  their  natural  tone  and 
become  flaccid.  The  best  way  to  dry  the 
hair  is  in  the  sun,  with  a  fan.  The  next 
way  is  by  a  current  of  plain  warm  air,  with- 
out frills  or  furbelows. 

Singeing  the  hair  is  another  practice  that 

has  no  reason  for  existence,  except  to  make 

176 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

money  for  barbers  and  beauty  specialists. 
Any  one  who  ever  saw  a  hair  under  a  micro- 
scope knows  that  it  is  not  a  hollow  tube  full 
of  oil,  or  through  which  the  oil  flows,  as  sap 
flows  in  a  tree.  A  twelve-year-old  school- 
girl, who  has  studied  elementary  anatomy 
and  physiology,  knows  that  the  hair  grows 
from  the  bottom,  by  being  "pushed  up", 
as  do  the  teeth  or  finger  nails,  and  the  only 
place  there  is  any  "oil"  is  in  the  hair  bulb, 
or  follicle,  at  the  roots  of  the  hair.  She  knows 
that  the  hair  does  not  "bleed"  nor  does  the 
"sap"  run  out,  for  the  simple  reason  that 
there  isn't  any  blood  or  sap  to  run  out.  With 
so  many  free  schools  in  this  blessed  country, 
there  is  no  reason  for  anybody  —  particu- 
larly barbers  and  hairdressers — being  igno- 
rant of  these  things.  Taboo  the  "singe."  It 
is  merely  a  scheme  for  obtaining  money  under 
false  pretenses,  and  works  actual  injury  to  the 
hair  by  making  it  brittle,  by  destroying  its 
flexibility. 

177 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Scalp  and  hair  cleanliness  is  excellent,  and 
absolutely  essential;  but  too  frequent  wash- 
ing, by  removing  the  natural  oil  from  the 
scalp  and  the  roots  of  the  hair,  especially 
with  soaps  containing  large  proportions  of  al- 
kali, will  cause  the  hair  to  dry  up  and  wither 
off,  like  any  other  animal  or  vegetable  growth 
that  has  been  deprived  of  its  nutrition. 

This  applies  also  to  the  practice  of  '^  slick- 
ing" the  hair,  wetting  it  with  water  before 
combing.  The  best  way  to  ''slick"  the  hair 
is  to  do  it  with  two  dry  brushes  and  a  judi- 
cious amount  of  elbow  grease.  Brushing 
the  hair  conservatively  in  this  manner,  al- 
ternating the  strokes,  until  the  scalp  tingles 
with  a  genial  sensation  of  warmth,  is  sensible 
and  excellent. 

Massage  of  the  thyroid  gland  —  by  stroking 
the  neck  below  the  Adam's  apple  with  per- 
pendicular and  lateral  motions  —  has  been 
recommended  as  a  stimulant  to  dying  hair. 
This  is  a  questionable  method.     It  is  possible 

178 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

that  the  powerful  secretion  of  the  thyroid 
may  have  a  decided  influence  upon  hair 
nutrition ;  but  we  have  no  means  of  knowing 
what  else  it  may  do  while  it  is  doing  things 
to  the  hair.  It  is  not  worth  while  risking 
the  development  of  a  goiter  or  palpitation 
of  the  heart  just  to  keep  a  few  extra  hairs  out 
of  the  hair  receiver. 

Systematic  massage  of  the  scalp  offers 
the  best  and  most  rational  means  of  retaining 
hair.  While  perhaps  a  mechanical  vibrator 
with  a  broad,  soft  disk  is  best,  it  is  possible, 
by  pinching  the  skin  and  gently  moving  every 
part  of  the  scalp  back  and  forth,  to  loosen  it, 
and  stimulate  an  excellent  degree  of  circu- 
lation. This  should  be  practised  five  or 
ten  minutes  at  a  time,  night  and  morning ; 
oftener  if  possible. 

It  is  not  altogether  true  that  all  tonics  are 

useless.     Stimulants,    such    as    quinine,    can- 

tharides,  salicylic  acid,  etc.,  if  properly  used, 

lend  vigor  to  the  scalp,  and  assist  in  producing 

179 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

a  mild  counter-irritation,  which  is  benefi- 
cial to  the  hair,  and  the  head  on  which  it 
grows. 

Stretching  the  hair,  either  by  combing  or 
by  ''putting  it  up"  too  snugly,  causes  it  to 
become  lifeless  and  brittle,  because  the  hair 
can  stretch  only  one  way.  It  can't  stretch 
back  again  ;  so  in  time  it  breaks  off.  If  you 
must  pull  the  hair,  pull  gently.  Thus  you'll 
have  more  to  pull,  and  you'll  be  able  to  pull 
it  for  a  much  longer  time. 

Take  no  stock  in  ''get  hair  quick" 
schemes.  Keep  the  blood  clean  and  pure, 
the  nutritive  powers  at  concert  pitch,  and 
all  the  infectious  or  parasitic  scalp  diseases 
at  a  distance. 

Expect  to  lose  many  of  your  hundred 
thousand  or  hundred  and  fifty  thousand 
hairs  after  the  age  of  forty-five.  From  that 
time  until  you  become  senile  you  will  probably 
part  with  many  things  much  more  valuable 
than    your    hair.     But    you'll    have    enough 

1 80 


HAIR  AND   HEADS 

hair  left  for  all  legitimate  purposes,  if  you 
keep  the  top  of  your  head  soft.  Any  means 
you  use  to  this  end  will  be  good  means  ;  for 
they'll  serve  to  keep  the  hair  and  head  united 
as  long  as  you'll  have  use  for  either. 


i8i 


CHAPTER  XI 

Rheumatism  :  The  Riddle 

RHEUMATISM  is  likely  to  be  some- 
thing else  more  frequently  than  any 
other  disease  that  afflicts  humanity.  What 
we  call  rheumatism  contains  less  of  it  to  the 
cubic  inch  than  even  the  most  candid  are 
willing  to  admit ;  for  rheumatism  may  be 
anything  from  a  painful  contraction  of  the 
muscles  of  the  scalp  to  flat  feet. 

In  fact,  some  of  the  most  painful  and 
obstinate  forms  of  rheumatism  are  neuralgia, 
which  resembles  rheumatism  only  in  the  re- 
spect that  they  both  hurt  in  the  same  place. 
With  a  superfine  contempt  for  terminology 
and  classification,   we  label   almost  any  sort 

of  ache  or  pain,  no  matter  what  its  cause, 

182 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

rheumatism ;  because  then  we  know  what  we 
mean  —  although  we  don't  know  what  we 
are  talking  about. 

The  derivation  of  the  word  reuma  is  all 
from  the  Greek,  like  the  disease  itself,  and 
means  ''flow";  ergo,  a  catarrh  or  cold. 
Which  comes  as  near  defining  what  rheuma- 
tism is  not  as  anything  we  could  pick  out  of 
the  dictionary.  But  this  mouth-filling  name 
satisfies  both  patients  and  doctors,  even 
though  the  treatment  and  the  various  ex- 
planations  of  its   origin   do   not. 

But  with  this  plentiful  ignorance  of  the 
actual  causes  of  the  disease,  there  is  a  fine 
crop  of  theories,  which  contain  more  or  less 
of  probability. 

Also  there  is  one  very  painful  and  protuber- 
ant fact,  and  that  is  that  when  a  patient  has 
rheumatic  fever  we  can  assure  him  without 
fear  of  successful  contradiction  that  he  has 
true  inflammatory  rheumatism,  in  its  acute, 
articular  form.     However,    assurance  is   un- 

183 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

necessary  to  an  individual  with  a  high  fever, 
prostrating  acid  sweats,  swollen,  red,  glossy 
joints,  so  tender  that  the  slightest  draft, 
touch,  or  movement  will  produce  parox- 
ysms of  pain,  who  is  about  as  thoroughly 
miserable  as  any  one  can  be  and  still  take 
medicine. 

The  only  satisfaction  or  consolation  he  has 
is  that  he  knows  exactly  what  is  the  matter 
with  him.  He  is  playing  the  reluctant  host 
to  several  billion  bugs.  We  don't  know 
their  names  yet ;  although  we  strongly  sus- 
pect a  little  beetle-browed  bug  by  the  name 
of  Streptococcus  Rheumaticus.  Indeed,  we  are 
quite  certain  that  it  must  be  he,  or  some  of 
his  near  relatives,  judging  from  the  way 
the  disease  ''acts",  and  also  from  the  fact 
that  it  responds  favorably  to  vaccines  formed 
from  the  products  of  "mixed  infection" 
germs,  which  it  would  not  do  unless  these 
germs  were  a  causative  factor  in  the  con- 
dition. 

184 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

It  is  further  thought  that  these  pus-form- 
ing organisms  came  in,  looked  over  the 
ground,  and  found  that  the  conditions  were 
not  exactly  favorable  for  a  general  septic 
onslaught ;  so  compromised  by  starting  a 
war  in  the  joints,  where  the  phagocytes  and 
other  defenders  are  not  so  numerous  as  in 
the  blood   stream. 

In  this  connection,  one  of  the  most  sig- 
nificant and  far-reaching  of  modern  medical 
discoveries,  and  one  that  will  have  a  tre- 
mendous bearing  upon  the  prognosis  and 
treatment  of  infective  rheumatism,  is  the 
recent  discovery  by  Doctor  Edward  C.  Rose- 
now  of  the  Rush  Medical  College,  Chicago, 
of  a  new  bacillus  that  is  charged  with  rheu- 
matism in  the  first  degree.  Doctor  Rosenow 
secured  this  choice  specimen  by  picking  out 
little  particles  of  decaying  food  from  the 
crypts  of  the  tonsils,  —  long  and  unfavorably 
known  as  accessories  before  and  after  the 
fact  of  a  lurid  variety  of  diseases,  among  which 

185 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

may  be  mentioned  dyspepsia,  sciatica,  kidney 
disease,  and  chronic  inflammation  of  the 
lining  and  covering  of  the  heart. 

These  particles  Doctor  Rosenow  macerated 
in  sterile  salt  water,  and  injected  into  rabbits. 
The  rabbits  sickened,  presenting  all  the 
symptoms  of  acute  rheumatism.  The  doctor 
then  collected  a  mixture  of  blood  and  serum 
from  the  swollen  joints,  and  "planted"  it 
upon  gelatin  and  beef  tea,  which  is  to  bugs 
what  pate  de  foie  gras  and  Camembert 
cheese  are  to  epicures.  The  germs  liked  it 
so  well  that  they  began  to  grow,  and  then  it 
was  found  that  a  brand-new  microparasite 
had  been  discovered.  These  are  now  being 
treated  as  were  the  antityphoid  vaccines,  and 
hope  is  entertained  that  they  may  be  as 
efficacious  in  stamping  out  rheumatism  as  is 
typhoid  vaccine  in  performing  a  like  kind 
office  for  typhoid. 

At  present  six  weeks'  rest  in  bed,  active 
elimination,  either  cold  packs  or  cottonwool 

1 86 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

swathed  round  the  joints,  and  symptomatic 
treatment,  directed  toward  the  relief  of  pain 
and  bombardment  of  the  bugs,  is  the  best 
we  have  to  offer. 

Acute  articular  is  the  most  dangerous  of 
all  the  varied  forms  of  the  disease,  on  account 
of  its  "after  effects" ;  for  in  almost  three  out 
of  ten  cases  it  leaves  the  heart  crippled. 
The  inflammatory  process  ultimately  spreads 
into  the  blood,  ulcerates  the  little  gates  or 
valves,  either  eating  away  part  of  their 
edges,  or  twisting  them  out  of  shape  by  the 
formation  of  scar  tissue,  so  that  they  no 
longer  close  properly.  It  is  claimed  that 
seventy  per  cent,  of  all  organic  heart  lesions 
have  their  origin  in  an  attack  of  rheumatic 
fever. 

Also  rapid  anemia  develops  in  inflamma- 
tory rheumatism;  both  the  red  cells  and  the 
hemoglobin  (that  element  which  conveys 
oxygen  through  the  tissues)  frequently  being 
reduced  by  half. 

187 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

So,  while  this  disease  in  its  immediate 
results  is  much  more  painful  than  dangerous, 
its  sequelae  —  as  with  common  measles,  which 
mothers  regard  so  lightly  —  are  greatly  to  be 
dreaded. 

When  we  leave  inflammatory  rheumatism 
we  ascend  into  the  domain  of  medical  meta- 
physics, where  one  theory  is  as  good  as 
another,  and  perhaps  a  big  sight  better,  pro- 
vided we  maintain  it  with  sufflcient  vigor 
and  vehemence.  We  may  start  right  on  the 
top  of  the  head  for  causes. 

First,  there  is  ''hair-cut"  rheumatism. 
Certain  anemic,  nervous  individuals  approach 
a  barber  for  purposes  of  hair  amputation 
with  their  fingers  crossed,  a  rabbit's  foot 
and  a  horse  chestnut  in  their  pockets,  and 
fear  and  trembling  in  their  hearts  ;  for,  un- 
less the  weather  be  balmy,  or  they  go  straight 
to  bed,  they  are  due  for  an  attack  of  stiff 
neck ;    doctors  think  it  dignifies  it  to  call  it 

"torticollis."     A    brisk    cathartic,    and    the 

i88 


RHEUMATISM:    THE  RIDDLE 

application  of,  and  massage  with,  some  pene- 
trating liniment,  usually  straightens  this  out. 

Right  here  we  desire  to  protest  against 
that  rapidly  growing  form  of  medical  icono- 
clasm  which  denies  therapeutic  or  other 
usefulness  to  liniments.  The  virtue  of  a 
liniment  is  not  entirely  in  the  applier's  elbow 
grease,  as  they  contend ;  for  many  active 
liniments,  containing  iodine,  chloroform,  win- 
tergreen,  or  oil  of  mustard,  are  effective 
merely  upon  application.  An  attempt  to 
rub  them  in  frequently  results  in  "taking 
the  hide  off."  Also  the  skin  does  absorb,  as 
any  who  have  ever  seen  a  patient  salivated 
by  mercurial  inunction  will  remember.  Just 
because  our  grandmothers  used  a  thing,  it 
should  not  be  automatically  condemned. 
Perhaps,  if  we  extracted  the  good  in  the  old 
methods,  and  incorporated  it  with  our  own 
best,  we  might  do  better. 

The    next   cause   of   rheumatism    is    found 

in  the  nose  and  the  passage  running  from 

189 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

the  nose  to  the  throat.  Here  spots  of  in- 
fection, as  with  the  tonsils,  permit  organisms 
or  toxins  to  enter  the  system.  Surgical 
correction  of  anatomical  defects  in  the  nose, 
and  the  judicious  use  of  an  antiseptic  spray, 
have  cured  more  than  one  case  of  chronic 
rheumatism. 

That  form  of  rheumatism  known  as  rheu- 
matoid arthritis  —  alias  arthritis  deformans 
—  is,  in  a  large  proportion  of  cases,  caused 
by  inflammation  in  some  part  of  the  head, 
either  from  infection  of  the  tonsils,  or  alveolar 
abscesses  (loose  teeth  or  gum  boils),  or 
chronic  inflammation  of  the  bone  cavities 
(sinuses)  connected  with  the  nasal  passages. 

Which  reminds  us  that  foci  of  infection 
are  also  found  in  decayed  teeth ;  in  fact,  we 
can  find  almost  any  infection,  from  cold  to 
appendicitis,  in  hollow  teeth,  if  we  look 
carefully  enough.  Many  joint  afflictions  that 
have  resisted  medical  treatment  clear  up 
entirely  after  a  painstaking  dentist  polishes 

190 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

off  those  pus  pockets  that  form  round  the 
necks  of  the  teeth  at  or  below  the  gum  mar- 
gins. Actually,  the  importance  of  a  den- 
tist's work  in  the  preservation  of  the  general 
health  is  only  beginning  to  be  recognized. 
So,  if  you  have  chronic  rheumatism,  tell  the 
dentist  about  it. 

*' Rheumatics"  or  "rheumatiz"  is  an  ail- 
ment that  is  most  likely  to  come  with  old  age, 
be  it  early  old  age,  or  legitimate  old  age.  It 
is  that  form  which  is  aggravated  by  stooping, 
or  rather  by  straightening  out  again  after 
stooping.  Many  fear  these  pains  as  due  to 
kidney  trouble.  For  their  ease  of  mind  we 
emphasize  that  while  the  kidneys  become 
smaller  in  old  age,  or  while  they  may  be- 
come diseased,  if  persistently  abused  by 
alcohol  or  food,  they  seldom  "pain."  The 
discomfort  arises  simply  from  the  '^stiffen- 
ing" of  the  muscles  of  the  back,  and  of  the 
joints  between  the  vertebrae.     The  thorough 

application   of   a   mechanical   vibrator,   or   a 

191 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

high-frequency  tube,  or  a  night  and  morning 
massage  along  the  spine  with  equal  parts  of 
olive  oil  and  elbow  grease  frequently  works 
wonders. 

True  lumbago  may  be  the  result  of  an  ac- 
cumulation of  toxic  material  in  the  muscles 
of  the  back,  an  irritation  of  the  local  nerve 
supply,  or  a  displaced  spinal  vertebra.  If 
the  former,  use  a  Turkish  bath,  or  that  gen- 
tle form  of  treatment  bequeathed  by  the 
Chinese,  known  as  acupuncture,  wherein 
sterilized  needles  are  run  several  inches  into 
the  muscles,  and  left  there  for  three  or  four 
minutes.  Another  pleasant  practice  is  to 
inject  directly  into  the  involved  muscles  a 
good  liberal  "shot"  of  ice-cold  normal  salt 
solution.  This  sometimes  gives  much 
more  than  temporary  relief.  If  the  nervous 
system  is  run  down,  use  a  course  of  nerve 
tonics  ;  and  if  from  vertebral  displacement, 
the  services  of  a  good  osteopath. 

Sciatica  is  generally  classed  as  rheumatism 

192 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

because  it  hurts  the  same  way  —  only  worse. 
It  is  frequently  due  to  slight  dislocations  of 
the  hip  joint,  known  as  sacro-iliac  subluxa- 
tions. If  such  is  found  to  be  the  case,  oste- 
opathy will  cure  it ;  but  if  the  sciatica  is 
neuralgic  in  origin,  if  it  is  the  nerve  bawling 
lustily  for  food,  feed  it;  hammering  it  over 
the  head  with  analgetics  and  sedatives  is 
merely  palliative.  When  it  recovers  con- 
sciousness it  will  redouble  its  protesting 
shrieks. 

Tiny  veins  in  the  legs  sometimes,  as  the 
result  of  long  standing  or  other  strain,  be- 
come dilated  and  stretched.  This  causes  a 
"pinching"  of  the  nerves,  and  this  pinching 
causes  them  to  yell  for  help.  An  elastic 
stocking  or  other  support  will  quiet  them ; 
but  a  better  way  is  to  quit  the  standing  job, 
and  get  one  as  president  of  a  bank,  or  some 
light  form  of  occupation  that  can  be  con- 
ducted from  a  chair. 

Then  we  have  a  very  painful  and  chronic 

193 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

form  of  rheumatism  due  to  "flat  feet",  also 
known  as  "broken"  or  "falling"  arch.  This 
causes  more  or  less  severe  pain  in  the  feet 
and  the  lower  legs,  mostly  along  the  shin 
bone.  There  is  almost  instant  relief  for  this 
variety  in  having  an  orthopedist  fit  a  pair  of 
"arch  supporters",  relieving  the  pressure  of 
the  very  numerous  and  obstreperous  nerves 
in  the  feet.  We  would  emphasize  here  the 
importance  of  having  an  expert  fit  these 
arches,  as  the  stock  supports  are  usually  as 
obnoxious  and  inutile  as  the  stock  spectacles 
which  ill-advised  and  literally  short-sighted 
patients  with  refractive  troubles  invest  in. 

Then  we  have  the  rheumatism  of  fatigue, 
complained  of  by  typists,  clerks,  musicians, 
engineers,  and  others  whose  occupations  force 
them  to  use  one  set  of  muscles  to  an  exces- 
sive degree.  This  is  really  nothing  more  or 
less  than  "muscle  tire",  called  euphoniously 
"occupation   neurosis."     The   cure   for   it   is 

simply  to  give  up  the  occupation  for  a  time. 

194 


RHEUMATISM:    THE  RIDDLE 

Another  form  of  rheumatism,  and  a  very 
prevalent  one,  is  a  ''cold" — or  perhaps  we 
should  more  accurately  say  that  the  thing 
that  causes  a  cold  is  equally  efficacious  in 
"settling"  that  "cold"  in  the  joints. 

This  brings  us  to  the  "uric  acid  theory", 
discredited  by  many,  but  a  very  real,  sub- 
stantial fact,  nevertheless.  The  ingredients 
of  this  particular  form  of  rheumatism  are  an 
excess  of  uric  acid  in  the  system,  and  then  a 
chill  on  some  particularly  exposed  area  of 
the  body.  This  throws  the  uric  acid  out  of 
solution  in  the  circulation,  and  deposits  it, 
in  the  form  of  minute  crystals,  in  the  tissues 
or  joints.  The  actuating,  or  beginning,  cause 
of  this  condition  is  malmetabolism,  —  the 
insufficient  conversion  of  food  products  into 
nutritive  pabulum,  and  the  retention  of 
toxic  material  in  the  system. 

If  any  one  with  an  excess  of  acid  does  not 
believe  that  rheumatism  is  dependent  upon 
this,  all  he  has  to  do  to  convince  himself  of 

195 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

the  truth  of  it  is  to  eat  three  or  four  nice, 
hearty  meals  ''hand  running", — thick,  juicy 
steaks  preferred,  —  and  wash  them  down  with 
copious  quantities  of  heavy  ales  or  other 
alcoholic  beverages,  or  strong  tea  or  coffee, 
which  is  almost  as  bad.  If  he  has  any  tend- 
ency toward  rheumatism,  this  diet  is  ad- 
mirably calculated  to  help  it ;  that  is,  to  help 
it  manifest. 

If,  however,  he  is  sincerely  desirous  of 
ridding  himself  of  this  obstinate  and  painful 
form  of  rheumatism,  it  will  be  necessary  to 
eliminate  from  his  diet  all  elements  that  go 
to  form  uric  acid ;  sugars,  as  much  starch 
as  possible  (starch  is  converted  into  a  form 
of  sugar  before  being  utilized),  and  all  foods 
that  tax  the  digestion.  Taboo  fried  meats, 
"rich"  dishes,  especially  those  which  con- 
tain a  large  amount  of  purin-forming  ma- 
terial. Favor  a  light  diet  of  cracked  wheat, 
rice,  macaroni,  spaghetti,  hominy,  milk,  eggs, 
butter,  olives,  gelatin,  and  almost  all  fruits 

196 


RHEUMATISM:    THE   RIDDLE 

that  are  not  too  acid  in  their  nature.  Also 
eat  Hberally  of  green  vegetables,  preferably 
those  which  grow  above  the  ground,  such  as 
cauliflower,  cabbage,  lettuce,  spinach,  celery, 
and  onions.  Most  nuts,  excepting  peanuts, 
are  acceptable. 

Flush  the  system  with  ample  quantities 
of  pure,  soft  water,  and  keep  all  the  organs 
of  elimination,  especially  the  pores  of  the 
skin,  very  active.  Alkaline  salts,  having  a 
solvent  effect  upon  uric  acid,  will  be  found 
beneficial.  These  do  not  include  lithia,  which 
has  little  or  no  acid  solvent  powers. 

Electricity,  in  the  form  of  static  or  the 
high-frequency  current,  increases  oxidation ; 
in  other  words,  it  burns  up  waste  material. 
Some  rheumatics  may  be  said  to  be  only 
half  baked.  So,  completing  the  baking  —  in 
a  hot-air  oven  —  frequently  rids  the  premises 
of  their  accumulated  uric  acid ;  for  heat  dis- 
solves the  crystals,  throws  them  again  into  the 

blood  stream,  and  favors  their  elimination. 

197 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Above  all,  if  you  have  too  much  acid, 
be  discreet.  If  you  must  attend  football 
games,  go  fishing,  or  indulge  in  any  exercise 
in  which  the  chief  work  consists  in  sitting 
still  in  a  gale  of  wind,  do  it  by  proxy.  Send 
a  husky  substitute.  Otherwise,  the  rheuma- 
tologist  is  likely  to  get  you  for  a  patient. 

In  connection  with  this  subject  of  uric 
acid  it  is  intresting  to  note  that  the  reason 
we  ''feel  it  in  our  bones"  when  there  is  to  be 
a  drastic  change  for  the  worse  in  the  weather 
is  because  the  toxin  and  acid-irritated  nerves 
are  more  sensitive  to  temperature  changes 
than  sound,  healthy  ones.  Some  folk  are 
quite  proud  of  their  abilities  in  weather  fore- 
casting ;  but  in  most  of  us  it  is  a  gift  that 
we  would  gladly  exchange  for  a  yellow  dog. 
For  we  could  get  rid  of  the  dog  much  more 
easily  than  we  can  the  biological  barometer 
in  our  rheumatic  joints. 

Gout    is    another   of   the    many   forms    of 

rheumatism,   except  in  name.     In  this   con- 

198 


RHEUMATISM :    THE  RIDDLE 

dition  certain  waste  products,  chiefly  uric 
acid  and  sodium  urate,  are  not  being  ex- 
creted in  normal  quantities,  because  they  are 
manufactured  faster  than  they  can  be  got 
rid  of.  Curiously  enough,  low  living  is  as 
responsible  for  gout  as  high  living;  a  little 
more  so,  if  anything. 

It  is  a  distinct  loss  of  caste  to  the  "three- 
bottle  man"  with  the  thick  neck  and  the 
apoplectic  face  to  have  to  admit  that  his 
favorite  disease  has  been  usurped  by  those 
at  the  opposite  end  of  the  dietetic  and  social 
scale ;  but  such  is  the  fact.  There  are  the 
same  nodes  (protuberances)  on  the  joints, 
the  same  thickening  and  stiffening,  the  same 
acute  pain,  and,  unkindest  cut  of  all,  relieved 
by  the  very  things  that  caused  his  attack ; 
for  a  "full"  diet,  with  plenty  of  red  meat 
and  material  calculated  to  make  blood,  will 
arrest  the  condition  in  the  underfed  and 
emaciated  victim  of  tea  and  toast.    Another 

form    of    gout    attacks    neurasthenics,    and 

199 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

produces  almost  the  same  clinical  symptoms 
as  with  the  overfed  and  the  underfed. 

These  are  the  chief  causes  of  what  we 
know  as  rheumatism.  There  are  about  forty 
others,  including  the  pains  from  hidden  tu- 
mors, old  injuries,  fatty  masses,  boils  beneath 
the  true  skin,  muscle  cramps  due  to  exposure, 
contusions,  torn  ligaments,  ''growing  pains," 
sprains  and  other  injuries,  lead  poisoning, 
locomotor  ataxia,  abdominal  prolapsus,  and 
almost  anything  else  that  hurts  for  which 
we  have  no  more  accurate  classification. 

Rheumatism  is,  was,  has  been,  and  pos- 
sibly always  will  be,  a  convenient  dumping 
ground  for  medical  ignorance.  It  says  more, 
and  means  less,  than  any  other  word  in  the 
English  language. 


200 


o 


CHAPTER  XII 

Seeing  Things  Straight 

H  wad  some  power  the  giftie  gie  us 
To  see  oursel's  as  others  see  us " 
might  be  good  advice  if  the  ^'others"  eyes 
were  normal.  But  the  fact  is  that  thou- 
sands who  think  their  eyes  are  normal  see 
us  with  a  defective  vision. 

Many  of  these  do  not  know  that  there  is 
any  defect,  for  they  may  suffer  from  goiter 
or  neuralgia,  mental  exhaustion,  indigestion, 
St.  Vitus's  dance,  or  even  from  nerve  irri- 
tability and  epilepsy,  and  never  suspect  the 
real  cause  of  their  troubles.  Others  treat 
their  "brain  fag"  to  a  dose  of  rest  cure,  or 
a  course  of  tonics,  when  their  crying  need  is 
for  a  pair  of  properly  adjusted  glasses. 

20I 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

Also,  hundreds  of  thousands  of  children 
are  considered  wayward,  incorrigible,  back- 
ward, or  even  downright  stupid  or  defective, 
when  their  only  deficiency  is  an  imbalance  of 
the  eye  muscles,  which  causes  them  to  see 
objects  "out  of  focus."  A  brain  cannot  be 
bright  if  the  books  that  are  intended  to  feed 
it  are  blurs. 

The  eye  is  really  a  living  camera.  If  the 
pictures  reflected  on  its  sensitized  film  (the 
retina)  are  not  sharply  defined,  they  are  ob- 
scure, as  with  a  camera.  The  corollary  of 
which  is  that  if  a  thing  is  not  clearly  seen  it 
is  not  clearly  comprehended.  Furthermore, 
the  constant  physical  effort  of  trying  to  see 
it  clearly  —  in  proper  focus — uses  up  a 
tremendous  amount  of  physical  energy  and 
vital  nerve  force. 

If  the  globes  of  the  eyes,  the  eyeballs,  are 
shorter  than  they  should  be,  the  lens,  which 
bends  the  light  rays,  and  brings  them  to- 
gether  at   a   point   immediately  behind    the 

202 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

retina,  will  be  out  of  focus.  Then  the  con- 
stant straining  of  the  muscles  to  properly 
adjust  this  focusing  apparatus  will  soon  de- 
velop abnormal  conditions  in  these  muscles 
and  nerves.  If  the  eyeball  is  not  too  flat,  or 
too  elongated,  as  the  case  may  be,  the 
muscles  may  overcome  the  defect,  but  always 
by  means  of  unusual  or  fatiguing  efforts. 

With  a  camera,  the  focus  is  changed  by 
contracting  or  lengthening  the  bellows,  thus 
bringing  the  lens  nearer,  or  carrying  it  farther 
away.  With  the  human  eye,  however,  no 
such  change  in  focus  is  possible.  The  lens 
lies  back  of  the  iris  (corresponding  to  the 
camera  diaphragm),  but  it  occupies  a  fixed 
position.  Yet  the  eye  must  focus  on  near  or 
distant  objects  with  hardly  a  measurable 
lapse  of  time.  It  must  be  both  telescope 
and  microscope. 

Now  this   lens,   although  we   know    it    as 

"crystaUine,"  is  not  rigid.     It  is  more  like 

firm  gelatin,  held  in  position  by  an   elastic 

203 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

capsule  attached  to  the  sides  of  the  eye- 
ball. 

Joined  to  the  surface  of  the  eyeball,  im- 
mediately back  of  the  iris,  is  a  ring  of 
muscular  tissue.  When  this  contracts,  it  con- 
stricts the  iris  and  relaxes  the  capsule  inclos- 
ing the  crystalline  lens.  The  elastic  lens 
''gives",  becomes  thicker,  and  assumes  a 
more  convex  front  surface.  This  is  the 
mechanism  of  focusing  upon  near-by  objects. 

When,  on  the  contrary,  the  vision  is  di- 
rected upon  a  distant  object,  the  circular 
muscle  relaxes,  the  iris  expands,  and  the 
lens,  released  from  normal  muscular  tension, 
exerts  a  constricting  force  upon  the  lens, 
thereby  flattening  it.  This  alters  the  re- 
fractive power  of  the  lens  for  the  proper 
focalization  of  light  coming  in  almost  parallel 
beams  from  an  object  at  a  distance. 

In  addition  to  abnormalities  depending 
upon  a  too  deep  or  a  too  flattened  eyeball, 

the  lens  itself  may  be  either  too  thin  or  too 

204 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

thick,  in  which  case  the  owner  of  the  lens  will 
be  either  ^'far  sighted"  or  "near  sighted." 
Also  the  lens  may  not  be  symmetrical.  This 
causes  astigmatism ;  in  other  words,  the 
rays  of  light  will  focus  improperly.  Or  the 
lens  may  grow  hard  and  lose  its  elasticity. 
This  is  usually  associated  with  advancing 
age.  The  elderly  usually  see  distant  objects 
without  trouble,  but  see  near-by  objects 
dimly  or  not  at  all.  Artificial  lenses  which 
change  the  focal  point  to  where  it  should  be, 
directly  back  of  the  retina,  remedy  this  defect. 
This  effort  to  supply  power  to  the  nerves 
of  fatigued  eye  muscles  produces  in  many 
that  twitching  of  the  facial  muscles  and  of 
the  eyelids  which  frequently  persists  as  a 
habit,  even  after  the  existing  cause  has  been 
removed.  The  same  effort  produces  the  rais- 
ing or  depression  of  the  eyebrows,  blinking 
and  winking  of  the  lids,  and  the  squinting 
and  wrinkling  so  frequently  found  in  those 
with  weak  eyes. 

20S 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

If  the  condition  remains  uncorrected,  sooner 
or  later  inflammation  of  the  mucous  tissues 
surrounding  the  eyes  manifests  itself.  These 
eye-strain  inflammations  should  not  be  con- 
fused with  congestions  and  purulent  condi- 
tions of  the  eyes  and  lids,  which  are  due  to 
infections  from  various  causes,  and  which 
are  best  treated  by  rest  in  a  darkened  room, 
hot  boric  acid  compresses,  or  even  by  the 
installation  of  silver  nitrate,  chinosol,  or 
some  other  astringent  or  antiseptic. 

Another  distressing  condition  due  to  eye- 
strain is  headache.  In  all  those  headaches 
which  occur  regularly,  becoming  worse  in 
the  afternoon,  the  severity  of  which  is  in- 
creased by  "close"  work,  and  which  are 
relieved  by  rest  and  holidays,  eye  trouble 
may  be  suspected. 

Now,  none  would  be  so  foolish  as  to  hold 
an  arm  at  right  angles  to  the  body  for  five 
minutes  at  a  time.  Yet  the  same  individual 
will   persist   with   a   train-jiggled   newspaper 

206 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

or  magazine  for  hours.  He  will  sit  bare- 
headed an  entire  forenoon,  with  the  bright 
glint  of  the  water  spitefully  slapping  his  eyes. 

He  will  spend  several  evenings  a  week 
focusing  upon  some  harrowing  screen  drama, 
which  is  causing  his  ocular  muscles  to  perform 
more  gymnastics  in  fifteen  minutes  than 
properly  they  should  in  a  week.  He  will 
pucker  up  his  lids  and  screw  his  eyes  to  a 
white  stretch  of  beach,  or  to  the  wobbly  road 
ahead  of  his  machine,  without  the  least  idea 
or  care  for  eye-consequences.  He  will  sit 
facing  the  gleaming  sun,  and  squint  at  the 
antics  of  twenty  men  and  a  little  leather- 
covered  sphere  hours  on  end.  He  will  read 
with  glaring  electric  lights  pouring  full  stream 
into  his  pupils,  instead  of  on  his  page.  And 
then  he  will  wonder  why  his  head  aches,  why 
he  sometimes  feels  nauseated,  and  why  he 
should  be  fatigued ! 

Naturally,  all  eye  abuses  are  not  accorded 
identical   punishment.     Strong,    vigorous    in- 

207 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

dividuals  may,  by  an  effort,  overcome  the 
fatigue  and  reflex  action  from  extra  stimu- 
lation of  the  ciliary  nerves  and  muscles. 
These  sturdy  ones  may  go  for  years,  dally 
and  never-endlngly  abusing  their  eyes,  and 
remain  as  Ignorant  of  the  fact  as  was  the 
chap  Mollere  tells  about  who  was  astonished 
to  find  that  he  had  been  talking  prose  all  his 
life. 

Yet,  a  nervous  schoolgirl,  or  a  neurasthenic 
woman  might,  for  much  slighter  lapses,  suf- 
fer agonizing  headaches,  dyspepsia,  loss  of 
appetite,  insomnia,  and  an  aggravation  of 
the  million  and  one  symptoms  characteristic 
of  nervous  instability.  In  addition,  condi- 
tions peculiar  to  her  sex  might  even  be  in- 
duced by  her  optical  sins. 

On  reflection,  however,  the  reason  for  these 

disagreeable    reflexes    is    clear.     The    centers 

of   vision  —  in   other   words,    those   areas    in 

the  brain  which  control  the  function  of  sight 

—  are    closely    connected    with    many    other 

208 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

most  important  centers.  Therefore,  any  Ir- 
ritation of  the  eye  centers  Is  communicated  to 
their  sympathetic  neighbors,  and  these  im- 
mediately manifest  their  feelings  In  the  mat- 
ter by  starting  a  disturbance  on  their  own 
account. 

Thus,  strain  and  fatigue  of  the  eye  muscles 
is  communicated  to  the  centers  governing 
the  pneumogastric  nerve,  which  has  a  very 
great  deal  of  influence  over  the  stomach's 
state  of  mind.  So  when,  for  instance,  we 
look  at  a  watery  horizon  over  the  side  of  a 
vessel  that,  by  its  pitching  and  tossing,  is 
constantly  changing  our  focus  of  vision,  the 
eye  centers  convey  this  irritation  to  the 
stomach  centers,  and  they  do  the  rest. 

Indeed,  so  intimate  is  the  relation  betv/een 

eye-strain,    headache,    and    stomach    trouble 

that  the  eminent  Doctor  George  M.   Gould 

contends  that  every  case  of  migraine,  or  sick 

headache,    has   its   origin   in   eye-strain,    and 

can  be  permanently  cured  only  by  correcting 

209 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

this  condition,  even  though  it  may  require  a 
severing  (tenotony)  of  certain  of  the  eye 
muscles  to  accomplish  this  end. 

And  Doctor  Z.  L.  Baldwin,  of  Kalamazoo, 
Michigan,  a  most  careful,  even  though  enthusi- 
astic observer,  has  reported  the  cure  of  scores 
of  cases  of  such  diverse  symptomatology  as 
cataract,  squint  eye,  insomnia,  neurasthenia, 
spasmodic  asthma,  hysteria  and  melancholia, 
epilepsy,  paralysis,  beginning  atrophy  of  the 
optic  nerve,  high-blood  tension,  heart  pal- 
pitation, exophthalmic  goiter,  rheumatism, 
chronic  albuminuria,  and  diabetes,  by  the 
simple  expedient  of  relieving  tension  of  the 
eye  muscles.  This  by  the  *' repression"  or 
*' fogging"  method  —  fitting  the  eyes  with 
lenses  which  remove  the  strain. 

He  pertinently  inquires:  "If  you  relieve 
a  lame  leg  with  a  cane,  an  injured  arm  with 
a  sling,  why  not  provide  a  similar  relief  for 
an  overworked  eye  —  more  particularly  as  it 
is  the  only  organ  in  the  body  which  requires 

2IO 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

more  than  one  third  of  the  total  brain  area 
to  supply  its  energy?" 

Many,  however,  particularly  among  the 
gentler  and  more  beautiful  sex,  object  to 
wearing  glasses,  on  the  ground  that  ''it 
makes  them  look  old."  This  is  an  effete 
survival  of  the  beliefs  of  those  distant  an- 
cestors who  wore  glasses  only  for  the  cor- 
rection of  ''old  sight."  They  knew  nothing  of 
astigmatism  and  imbalanced  ocular  muscles, 
and  of  their  relation  to  distressing  and  even 
grave  physical  conditions. 

But  now  it  is  obvious  that  properly 
adjusted  glasses  are  among  our  best  pre- 
servers of  youthful  appearance.  For  they  re- 
lieve the  prolonged  eye-strain  that  produces 
wrinkles,  and  that  marks  the  countenance 
with  that  strained,  tired,  drawn,  cross,  anx- 
ious, and  prematurely  old  look. 

Glasses,  however,  are  not  the  only  means 
of  relieving  eye  trouble.  Properly  applied 
massage,    through    deep,    yet    gentle    rotary 

211 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

motion  with  the  finger  tips  over  and  around 
the  eyeball,  by  bringing  an  increased  supply 
of  blood  to  the  parts,  frequently  aids  vision 
and  strengthens  the  eyes.  "Rolling"  the 
eyes,  moving  the  eyeballs  from  side  to  side 
with  the  fingers,  and  manipulating  them 
gently  as  though  plucking  them  from  their 
sockets,  are  helpful  exercises.  When  the 
eyes  feel  fatigued  from  excessive  application 
to  ''fine"  work,  kneading  their  outer  "cor- 
ners" develops  the  unused  external  muscles, 
and  sometimes  gives  relief.  But  this  is  of 
real  value  only  where  the  condition  results 
from  nerve-tire  from  too  protracted  use  of 
the  eyes. 

If  there  are  any  displacements  in  the 
spinal  column,  especially  of  the  seventh 
cervical,  the  first  dorsal  vertebrae,  or  in  the 
atlas  or  axis,  these  displacements  should  be 
corrected  by  osteopathic  measures.  Ma- 
nipulation of  these  centers  and  their  nerve 
ganglia  have  cured  squint  eye,  short  and  far 

212 


SEEING  THINGS   STRAIGHT 

sightedness,  and  many  inflammatory  con- 
ditions of  the  mucous  membranes.  Wearing 
heavily  dotted  veils  is  a  pernicious  practice 
which  has  caused  innumerable  cases  of  eye- 
strain. 

Bathing  the  eyes  is  a  useful  procedure. 
This  may  be  done  by  immersing  the  face  in 
a  basin  of  salt  water  (a  dessertspoonful  to 
the  quart),  keeping  the  eyes  open  as  long  as 
the  breath  can  be  held,  and  repeating  the 
process  a  dozen  times  or  more. 

In  reading,  sewing,  or  focusing  on  any 
"fine"  work,  the  eyes  should  be  raised  from 
time  to  time,  in  order  to  give  the  ciliary 
muscles  a  chance  to  relax.  In  reading,  the 
light  should  fall  over  the  shoulder  on  the 
page,  and  not  directly  into  the  eyes.  Care 
should  be  exercised  while  writing  to  see  that 
the  hand  does  not  throw  a  shadow  on  the 
page,  as  this  causes  a  peculiarly  severe  strain 
on  the  eyes.  Reading  while  in  a  recumbent 
position    is    injurious,    especially    when    con- 

213 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

valescing  from  an  illness,  or  when  tired. 
Reading  in  vehicles  and  trains  is  also  flirting 
with  the  oculist. 

Never  continue  to  strain  the  eyes  after  they 
show  symptoms  of  distress  or  exhaustion. 
Even  when  the  eyes  are  still  capable  of  per- 
forming their  functions,  but  lack  normal 
acuteness,  it  is  good  eye  insurance  to  close 
the  eyelids  occasionally  and  give  the  vision 
a  temporary  rest.  Eliminate  the  "white 
lights"  and  "glares",  and  permit  only  the 
mellow  and  more  natural  yellow  light  to 
visit  the  retinas  and  optic  nerves.  The 
wearing  of  amber  lenses  in  these  lights  is 
commendable,  for  they  are  to  tired  eyes  what 
food,  rest,  and  recreation  are  to  tired  bodies. 

Observance  of  these  rules  and  immediate 
attention  to  ocular  troubles  will  indubitably 
make  you  more  beautiful  or  majestic  —  and 
much  younger  looking.  It  will  also  serve  to 
correct  all  the  manifold  correctable  ills  that 
result  from  eye-strain  and  ocular  abuse. 

214 


CHAPTER  XIII 

Stamping  out  Typhoid 

TYPHOID  fever  is  no  longer  to  be 
dreaded.  Stagnant  wells  and  the 
germ-infested,  moss-covered  bucket  need 
possess  no  further  terror  for  the  summer 
vacationist.  The  succulent  oyster,  the  in- 
sufficiently washed  salad,  and  the  contam- 
inated raw  fruit  have  been  shorn  of  their 
power  for  evil.  Even  with  the  typhoid 
fly  (and  all  flies  are  potentially  typhoid  flies) 
still  wiping  his  feet  on  the  food,  and  the 
polluted  water  supply  the  same  corrupt  fluid 
as  of  yore,  typhoid  is  becoming  less  formi- 
dable. Gradually  it  is  losing  its  grim  place 
as  the  cause  of  one  fifth  of  the  world's 
mortality. 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Typhoid  germs  are  at  last  on  the  defen- 
sive ;  for  we  have  found  that  boiling  im- 
proves them.  It  enhances  their  value  to  such 
an  extent  that  when  injected  into  the  human 
system  they  render  the  premises  untenant- 
able to  their  fellows.  Within  a  few  years, 
if  the  public  can  be  educated  to  appreciate 
the  utility  of  preventive  inoculation  against 
typhoid,  this  epidemic  disease  will  be  as 
rare  as  typhus,  plague,  or  cholera. 

When  we  consider  that  three  hundred 
and  fifty  thousand  suffer  from  typhoid  every 
year  in  the  United  States,  and  that  thirty- 
five  thousand  die,  also  that  it  leaves  other 
thousands  permanently  injured  from  damage 
to  heart,  liver,  kidneys,  gall  bladder,  and 
nervous  system,  the  enormous  significance 
of  its   prevention   can  be  better  understood. 

And,  strangely  enough,  all  our  knowledge 

of    the    subject    has    been    gained    through 

observation   upon   soldiers,  —  by   attempting 

to  keep  fighting  men  alive  until  they  could 

2l6 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

be  killed  by  the  legitimate  method  of  civil- 
ized warfare.  Now,  a  soldier  is  efficient 
only  so  long  as  he  is  healthy.  When  he 
becomes  ill,  he  decreases  the  fighting  force, 
not  only  through  his  own  incapacity,  but 
because  he  requires  the  services  of  others, 
who  potentially  might  be  fighters,  to  care 
for  him.  Of  course  the  business  of  a  soldier 
is  to  fight  and  be  killed,  possibly;  but  it 
isn't  his  business  to  be  killed  before  he  has 
a  chance  to  fight.  And  typhoid  kills  more 
soldiers  than  all  the  war  machinery  com- 
bined. 

Because  of  this.  Major  Russell,  M.D., 
U.S.A.,  after  studying  the  result  of  preven- 
tive typhoid  inoculation  in  foreign  armies, 
introduced  it  among  our  troops.  As  a  con- 
sequence, within  the  last  five  years  the 
typhoid  rate  has  fallen  to  less  than  one 
tenth.  In  191 2  there  were  only  fifteen  cases 
among  fifty-seven  thousand  troops.  More 
striking  still,  among  the  twelve  thousand  six 

217 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

hundred  and  forty-four  vaccinated  men  on 
the  Mexican  border,  only  one  case  of  typhoid 
developed,  and  no  deaths ;  while  in  the 
neighboring  city  of  Galveston  the  disease 
was  rife.  During  the  same  period  there 
occurred  in  the  remainder  of  the  army  four 
hundred  and  eighteen  cases,  with  thirty-two 
deaths.  The  rate  to  the  thousand  among  the 
vaccinated  was  .39,  while  among  the  unvac- 
cinated  it  was  almost  ten  times  as  high. 

Compare  these  results  with  the  grisly 
records  of  the  Spanish  War,  when,  among 
ten  thousand  five  hundred  unvaccinated 
troops  at  Jacksonville,  Florida,  who  secured 
their  water  from  a  much  purer  source  than 
the  Texas  troops,  —  viz.,  from  artesian  wells, 
—  there  were  twenty-nine  hundred  and 
ninety  cases  of  typhoid  and  two  hundred 
and  forty-eight  deaths  ! 

This  conquest  of  typhoid  may  well  be 
considered  one  of  the  most  brilliant  achieve- 
ments in  the  annals  of  medical  progress,  and 

218 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

it  has  come  about  within  the  memory  of 
mere  youths.  Like  so  many  other  great 
medical  discoveries,  it  bears  the  stamp  of 
"Made  in  Germany" ;  at  least  the  pains- 
taking Germans  gave  it  its  initial  impulse. 

In  1887  four  physicians  of  the  Kaiser's 
realm  —  Frankel,  Simmonds,  Baumer,  and 
Pieper  —  demonstrated  that  by  injecting 
small  doses  of  virulent,  living  typhoid  germs 
into  animals  resistance  to  the  fever  was  in- 
creased. Frankel  and  Simmonds  repeatedly 
injected  small  nonlethal  doses  into  rabbits, 
then  treated  the  rodents  to  a  quantity  that 
would  ordinarily  have  induced  a  fatal  attack, 
but  caused  only  temporary  discomfort. 
Baumer  and  Pieper  performed  a  like  kind 
office  for  a  number  of  mice,  with  similar 
results. 

This    form   of   immunization   with    active, 

nonweakened   organisms   was    of   course   too 

dangerous    to    be    extended    to    man.     But 

about  the  same  time  Professor  Chantemesse, 

219 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

of  the  Academy  of  Medicine  in  Paris,  and 
Doctor  Widal,  originator  of  the  famous 
"Widal  reaction",  conceived  the  idea  of 
sterilizing  the  germs  by  subjecting  them,  in 
a  water  bath,  to  a  temperature  of  one  hun- 
dred and  twenty-eight  to  one  hundred  and 
forty  degrees  Fahrenheit.  The  bugs  have 
little  or  none  of  the  salamander  char- 
acteristics, —  one  point  in  our  favor,  —  and 
they  succumbed  to  heat  very  readily. 

Three  or  four  injections  of  this  sterile 
solution  conferred  immunity  against  typhoid 
fever  among  animals,  and  thus  it  was  per- 
fectly safe  to  use  on  the  human  animal. 

So,  in  1896,  Pfeiifer  and  Kolle  immunized 
two  men  with  the  vaccine,  and  investigated 
the  changes  in  the  blood  with  characteristic 
German  thoroughness. 

A  few  weeks  later  Sir  A.  E.  Wright,  of  the 

medical  corps  of  the  British  army,  began  a 

series    of    studies    on    typhoid    immunity   by 

inoculation  with  killed  germs,  and  the  follow- 

220 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

ing  year  published  the  results  of  his  ex- 
periences with  eighteen  cases,  which  results 
were  so  conclusive  and  practical  that  the 
process  was  thought  worthy  of  adoption  in 
the  army. 

And  so  it  was  that  prophylactic,  or  pre- 
ventive, inoculation  was  introduced  into  the 
British  army  in  India,  and  Tommy  Atkins 
reaped  considerable  benefit  thereby.  Wright 
used  cultures  in  broth  which  had  been  in- 
cubated for  three  weeks,  and  then  killed  by 
heating  to  one  hundred  and  forty  degrees 
Fahrenheit  for  an  hour.  The  size  of  the 
dose  was  determined  by  animal  experimenta- 
tion ;  the  quantity  necessary  to  kill  a  small 
guinea  pig  being  used  as  the  immunizing 
dose  for  a  man.  Each  lot  was  ''standard- 
ized" in  this  manner. 

When  typhoid  became  epidemic  during 
the  Boer  War,  Wright  had  a  chance  to  try 
out  the  treatment  on  a  large  scale ;  a  gigantic 
scale,    for    the    army    developed    thirty-one 

221 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

thousand  cases  of  typhoid,  with  almost  six 
thousand  deaths.  This  tremendous  loss  of 
efficiently  drilled  soldiers  was  a  serious  handi- 
cap to  the  English.  They  might  have 
crushed  the  burghers  and  taken  their  terri- 
tory from  them  much  sooner,  had  not  the 
plague  ravaged  their  ranks   so  unmercifully. 

So,  while  the  effects  on  the  whole  were 
promising,  the  net  results  were  rather  un- 
satisfactory. Also  the  reaction  was  very 
severe ;  and  while  young  and  vigorous  sol- 
diers might  be  able  to  recover  from  it  in  a 
short  time  the  treatment  would  not  have 
made  much  of  a  hit  with  civilians.  Doctor 
Wright,  however,  claimed  that  the  inci- 
dence of  the  disease  was  diminished  one  half, 
and  the  mortality  even  more.  However, 
the  practice  of  inoculation  was  officially  dis- 
continued after  England  "  steam- rolled "  the 
recalcitrant  Boers. 

Then  Sir  William  B.  Leishman,  associated 
with    Doctor    Wright    in    the    royal    Army 

222 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

Medical  Corps,  by  a  series  of  brilliant  experi- 
ments demonstrated  that  the  defects  in  the 
preventive  treatment  were  caused  by  over- 
heating the  solution  in  the  laboratory.  This 
produced  destructive  changes  in  the  ''end" 
products  (the  germ  toxins)  upon  which  de- 
pended the  stimulating  powers  of  the  vac- 
cine (that  element  which  creates  increased 
interest,  appetite,  and  appreciation  among 
the  body  cells).  So  Professor  Leishman  per- 
fected the  technic  or  preparation  of  the 
"soup",  and  now  there  is  no  difficulty  in 
securing  uniformly  good  and  efficient  vaccine. 
Following  the  Boer  War  the  next  extensive 
use  of  antityphoid  vaccine  was  in  the  Ger- 
man Colonial  Army,  when,  from  1904  to 
1907,  the  Germans  chased  the  Hereros  over 
a  considerable  part  of  the  landscape  of 
Southwest  Africa.  As  is  customary  among 
the  Germans,  they  lugged  the  famous  old 
"Ark    of    the    Covenant"     {es    ist    verhoten) 

around  with  them;    and,  although  the  inter- 

223 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

diction  not  to  do  this,  that,  or  the  other 
thing  obtruded  itself  like  Banquo's  ghost, 
and  would  not  down,  the  typhoid  rate  went 
up. 

They  totaled  two  hundred  and  twenty-six 
cases  in  1904.  Then  Professor  Robert  Koch, 
one  of  the  ablest  scientists  that  ever  lived, 
advised  preventive  inoculations.  The  ty- 
phoid rate  immediately  dropped,  and  in 
1907  the  number  of  cases  reported  was  forty- 
three. 

Then  in  Asia,  Africa,  India,  and  other 
English  possessions,  in  Japan,  and  finally 
in  the  United  States,  many  hundreds  of 
thousands  of  men  underwent  injection. 
They  proved  themselves  infinitely  less  sus- 
ceptible to  typhoid  than  similar  numbers  of 
men  who  were  exposed  to  Identical  condi- 
tions but  refused  to  avail  themselves  of  the 
protection  afforded  by  the  vaccine.  These 
latter  deemed  it  dangerous,  as  some  hold 
vaccination    for    smallpox    to    be.     Typhoid 

224 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

inoculation  propagandists  have  found  it  dif- 
ficult to  overcome  prejudice  for  this  reason ; 
but  this  prejudice  is  entirely  unfounded. 

Accidents  rarely  follow  the  injection  of 
dead  germs  and  their  products.  This  con- 
stitutes an  entirely  different  procedure  from 
introducing  living  smallpox  organisms  of  un- 
known potentiality  into  the  system,  there 
possibly  to  create  such  havoc  and  destruction 
among  the  white  corpuscles  that  the  ranks 
of  these  little  defenders  are  weakened,  and 
their  courage  reduced  to  the  lowest  ebb. 
But  with  typhoid  inoculation  there  are 
absolutely  no  such  dangers. 

The  immunity  conferred  by  inoculation  is 
supposed  to  last  about  a  year.  The  reaction 
from  the  injection  is  usually  very  slight. 
The  treatment  is  divided  into  three  injec- 
tions, —  the  first,  a  dose  of  five  hundred 
million  bacteria  in  one  cubic  centimeter 
(about  a  teaspoonful)  of  normal  salt  solution 
(teaspoonful   of   salt   to   the   pint).     This    is 

225 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

given  about  four  in  the  afternoon,  because 
the  reaction,  if  it  be  apparent  at  all,  comes 
on  about  bedtime,  and  is  practically  over 
by  morning.  Occasionally  nausea,  vomiting, 
headache,  prostration,  and  some  elevation  in 
temperature  -develop ;  but  these  are  the 
rare  exceptions.  Generally  there  is  a  little 
local  pain  at  the  site  of  the  injection,  a  slight 
headache,  and  a  feeling  of  drowsiness ;  also 
a  red,  tender  area  develops  several  hours 
later  around  the  point  of  inoculation.  But 
by  next  morning  the  subject  is  usually  all 
right,  both  as  to  appetite  and  to  general 
well  being. 

The  men  are  cautioned  not  to  drink 
alcoholic  liquors  when  undergoing  treat- 
ment, as  this  precipitates  every  painful  and 
discomforting  symptom  that  the  combina- 
tion of  the  two  bug  juices  can  conjure  up. 
The  second  and  third  doses  are  twice  the  size 
of  the  first,  —  one  thousand  million  bacilli 
in  one  cubic  centimeter  of  salt  water;    given 

226 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

ten  and  twenty  days  later.  The  reactions 
following  these  later  inoculations  are  com- 
monly much  milder  than  that  of  the  initial 
vaccination ;  sometimes  hardly  appreciable. 
It  is  interesting  to  note  the  method  by 
which  the  quantity  of  killed  bacteria  is  esti- 
mated in  these  injections.  Sir  A.  E.  Wright 
hit  upon  the  ingenious  plan  of  mixing  equal 
parts  of  normal  human  blood  and  the  bouil- 
lon or  emulsion  containing  the  germs  to  be 
counted.  This  was  thoroughly  shaken  to- 
gether, and  small  drops  of  the  mixture 
spread  upon  glass  slides,  and  stained  so  as 
to  make  the  germs  visible.  Then  counts  of 
both  the  red  cells  and  the  bacteria  were 
made  in  a  number  of  microscopic  fields 
divided  into  millimeter  spaces. .  A  little 
antiseptic  is  incorporated,  in  order  to  pre- 
serve the  mixture.  It  is  then  sealed  in  glass 
ampulae  over  the  heat  of  a  blast  lamp.  Each 
container  is  labeled  with  the  bacterial  con- 
tent, and  dated  three  months  ahead  of  the 

227 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

time  of  its  preparation,  after  which  it  is  no 
longer  considered  fit  for  use. 

The  Board  of  Health  of  New  York  City 
recently  issued  a  circular  indorsing  the 
method  of  preventing  typhoid  by  inocula- 
tion, and  holds  itself  ready  to  perform  immu- 
nizations on  request. 

Militiamen  in  all  parts  of  the  country  are 
taking  up  inoculation  with  the  same  success 
as  follows  its  use  in  the  army.  Lately  a 
great  Canadian  railway  ordered  typhoid 
vaccination  among  all  its  one  hundred  and 
twenty-five  thousand  employees,  from  presi- 
dent to  gate  tender.  Industrial  enterprises 
depending  upon  the  health  and  highest  effi- 
ciency of  their  men  for  their  economic  suc- 
cess are  also  looking  into  the  advantages  of 
antityphoid  inoculation,  and  are  urging  it 
consistently. 

One  of  the  latest  and  most  striking  reports 

comes  from  Professor  Chantemesse,  who,  it 

will  be  remembered,  was  among  the  first  to 

228 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

direct  attention  to  typhoid  inoculation.  On 
April  5,  191 2,  the  French  Minister  for  the 
Navy  authorized  the  voluntary  vaccination 
of  sailors  and  laborers  in  the  various  ports  of 
France  with  vaccine  prepared  under  the  di- 
rection of  Chantemesse.  The  greater  part 
of  this  maritime  population  of  sixty-seven 
thousand  eight  hundred  and  forty  individu- 
als were  doubting  Thomases.  They  waited 
—  Micawberlike  —  for  something  to  turn  up. 
It  did.  By  the  end  of  December  there  were 
five  hundred  and  forty-two  cases  of  fever 
among  them.  On  the  other  hand,  among 
thirty-one  hundred  subjects  who  were  vac- 
cinated, living  identically  the  same  lives  as 
the  nonvaccinated,  not  a  single  case  ap- 
peared. The  same  benefit  followed  inocu- 
lation in  the  army  which  was  so  busy  carry- 
ing the  light  of  civilization  into  the  dark  and 
turbid  corners  of  Algeria  and  Morocco. 

The  latest  to  avail  themselves  of  the  pre- 
ventive  are   the  nurses  and  orderlies   in  our 

229 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

large  hospitals,  who  are  constantly  exposed 
to  the  contagion  of  typhoid.  Inoculations 
have  shown  that  the  morbidity  among  the 
unvaccinated  is  nine  times  greater  than 
among  the  vaccinated.  And  no  untoward 
effects  have  arisen  from  over  five  thousand 
injections. 

It  is  also  claimed  that  the  course  and  sever- 
ity of  an  attack  of  typhoid  may  be  mate- 
rially shortened,  sometimes  even  aborted,  by 
vaccination.  An  early  diagnosis  must  be 
established  —  and  here  the  value  of  the  "  Wi- 
dal  test"  is  incomparable.  Every  one  has 
heard  of  this ;  but  few  know  how  it  is  done. 
A  little  blood  or  serum,  taken  from  the  fin- 
gertip or  the  lobe  of  the  ear,  is  added  to  a 
bouillon  culture,  either  already  containing 
typhoid  bacilli,  or  to  which  are  immediately 
added  living  bacteria.  In  two  or  three  hours, 
if  in  the  former  case,  the  turbid  fluid  is  clari- 
fied,   and    a    clumpy    sediment    composed  of 

accumulated  bacteria  is  formed.     If  the  ba- 

230 


STAMPING  OUT  TYPHOID 

cilli  are  added,  as  in  the  second  instance,  the 
tube  is  placed  in  an  incubator,  and  within 
fifteen  hours  the  reaction,  if  positive,  will  be 
manifested,  the  germs  clumping  at  the  bot- 
tom, the  rest  of  the  fluid  remaining  quite 
clear.  Thereby  we  gain  several  days  of 
valuable  time  for  bombarding  the  bacilli. 
In  other  words,  we  don't  wait  to  swat  the 
bug :   we  kill  his  grandmother. 

So,  in  the  light  of  all  experience  with  anti- 
typhoid vaccination,  it  will  be  well  for  every- 
body —  especially  those  contemplating  a 
visit  to  the  country,  where  the  deadly  trio 
of  food,  flies,  and  fingers  may  become  opera- 
tive in  introducing  belligerent  bacilli  into  the 
system — to  ''treat"  their  phagocytes:  give 
them  a  few  billion  boiled  germs  as  appetiz- 
ers. Have  your  physician  put  the  family  in 
an  immune  condition  by  using  these  dead 
germs  as  life  savers. 


231 


CHAPTER  XIV 

Children's  Diseases 

OF  the  many  fallacies  more  or  less 
universally  believed  to  be  truths, 
one  of  the  most  senseless  and  absurd  is  the 
idea  that  measles  is  necessary  to  the  well- 
being  of  a  child,  and  that  the  sooner  he  gets 
it  the  sooner  he'll  get  rid  of  the  probability 
of  having  it  again. 

This  is  about  on  a  par  with  the  answer  of 
a  pupil  in  the  biology  class,  who  said  a 
lobster  was  a  red  animal  that  walked  back- 
ward. The  genial  professor  agreed  that  this 
statement  was  correct,  with  the  trifling  ex- 
ceptions that  a  lobster  was  not  an  animal, 
but  a  shellfish ;  that  it  wasn't  red  until  it 
was  boiled ;  and  that  it  did  not  walk  back- 
ward, but  sidewise. 

232 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

Equally  correct  are  the  traditional  ideas 
about  measles  and  nearly  all  those  more  or 
less  dangerous  contagious  diseases  classed 
as  "children's  diseases."  First,  they  are 
not  necessary ;  next,  they  add  nothing  to 
the  well-being  of  the  child ;  and  thirdly, 
they  invariably  leave  the  system  worse  off 
than  it  was  before  they  came. 

Of  course,  as  in  every  other  popular  be- 
lief, there  is  a  slight  foundation  of  fact  here. 
Admitting,  for  the  sake  of  argument,  that 
these  infections  "have  to  be  had",  it  is 
better  to  have  them  early.  When  measles, 
scarlet  fever,  whooping  cough,  mumps, 
chickenpox,  and  other  children's  diseases 
fasten  themselves  upon  adults,  they  run  an 
extraordinarily  severe  and  ravaging  course. 
The  foundation  for  the  traditional  belief 
was  laid  in  the  days  before  the  discovery 
of  the  germ  origin  of  disease,  when  it  was 
thought  that  these  illnesses  were  merely 
Nature's  kindly  way  of  getting  rid  of  "pec- 

233 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

cant  humors"  in  the  blood;  for  if  it  were 
true,  which  it  is  not,  that  everyone  has  just 
about  so  much  "humor"  that  he  has  to  get 
rid  of  sooner  or  later,  it  would  be  good 
reasoning  to  get  it  out  with  the  least  effort 
and  danger, — that  is,  in  the  age  of  child- 
hood. 

But  we  know,  although  we  have  not  yet 
seen  the  "bugs",  that  measles  and  many 
other  children's  diseases  are  caused  by  germs 
of  some  kind.  Of  this  we  are  reasonably 
certain  from  the  way  the  diseases  "act." 
Their  highly  contagious  or  infectious  nature, 
their  uniform  clinical  aspects,  the  exactness 
of  time  with  which  they  run  certain  courses, 
corresponding  with  what  we  know  of  the 
manifestations  of  germ-caused  diseases  (such 
as  the  fact  that  the  periodic  chills  of  malaria 
are  caused  by  the  wholesale  birth  of  new 
colonies  of  parasites),  indicate  that  children's 
diseases  are  microbic  in  origin. 

We  have  not  yet  found  these  bacilli,  be- 

234 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

cause  they  are  so  infinitesimal  that  the  finest 
porcelain  does  not  filter  them  out  of  a  solu- 
tion, also  because  they  have  not  yet  been 
communicated  to  animals.  If  we  can  only 
find  some  bird  or  beast  that  is  subject  to 
these  diseases,  or  that  will  *'take"  them, 
as  we  found  apes  and  monkeys  susceptible 
to  smallpox,  infantile  paralysis,  and  constitu- 
tional blood  disease,  it  will  not  be  long  before 
we  discover  the  germs  that  cause  the  condi- 
tions. 

Then  we  shall  be  able  to  destroy  the  bugs 
with  their  own  ^'end  products",  or  the  dead 
bodies  of  their  fellows,  killed  by  boiling. 
With  a  specific  antidote  or  antitoxin  to  com- 
bat the  germs  and  their  effects,  we  shall  be 
in  a  much  better  position  to  speak  dis- 
paragingly of  them. 

In  the  meantime  our  watchword  should 
be  "prevention." 

If  children  escape  having  any  children's 
diseases,  they  are  gainers  in  general  health 

23s 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL   HEALTH 

by  just  so  much.  It  may  be  that  years  will 
have  been  added  to  their  lives,  or  an  exist- 
ence of  chronic  invalidism  avoided,  by  side- 
stepping these  maladies  of  youth.  This 
applies  to  all  children's  diseases,  without 
exception. 

Get  these  points  clearly  in  mind.  No  dis- 
ease of  childhood,  or  of  any  other  "hood", 
is  desirable  or  necessary.  Many,  if  not  all, 
of  them  are  serious,  and  frequently  disastrous. 
For  instance,  measles  and  the  diseases  that 
follow  in  its  train  cause,  according  to  the 
vital  statistics  of  the  latest  census,  more 
than  thirteen  thousand  deaths  annually  in 
the  United  States  alone,  a  mortality  twice 
as  great  as  from  scarlet  fever,  and  almost 
three  times  as  heavy  as  from  the  much 
dreaded  appendicitis. 

True,  all  these  deaths  are  not  directly  due 
to  measles,  but  to  its  relapses  and  compli- 
cations.    Many    are    caused    by    permitting 

the   child   to   go  outdoors   too   soon ;    which 

236 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

means,  naturally,  either  a  chilling  of  the 
weakened  and  irritated  bronchial  mucous 
membrane,  or  an  infection  from  grippe, 
bronchitis,  or  pneumonia.  But  the  pre- 
disposing cause  is  measles.  Not  seldom  the 
seed  is  shown  for  a  visitation  of  tuberculosis  ; 
for  this  is  just  the  opportunity  it  is  seeking, 
this  chance  to  catch  the  system  in  a  run- 
down condition,  when  it  is  unable  to  fight 
him  off. 

Among  the  thousand  and  one  things  that 
the  young  mother  should  be  taught  is  the 
art  of  counting  the  pulse  and  using  a  tem- 
perature thermometer.  She  should  have  a 
definite  knowledge  as  to  what  constitutes  an 
average  pulse  rate  and  temperature,  and 
should  feel  it  her  duty  to  call  in  an  expert 
when  these  deviate,  by  more  than  twenty 
pulse  beats  or  two  degrees  of  temperature, 
from  that  average.  She  would  save  herself 
much  anxiety  from  needless  worry  about 
imaginary  ailments,  and  would  be  able,  early 

237 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

in  the  course  of  what  might  turn  out  to  be 
something  grave,  to  get  competent  help, 
while  there  is  yet  time  to  mitigate  the 
severity  of  the  attack,  perhaps  kill  the 
incipient  disease  entirely. 

She  should  learn,  as  part  of  her  business 
of  being  a  mother,  to  recognize  the  symptoms 
of  the  common  disorders,  and  be  able  to 
minister  to  their  victims  sensibly  and  with 
discrimination,  or  call  some  one  who  can. 
She  should  have  at  least  the  rudiments  of  a 
nurse's  training,  so  as  to  be  competent  to 
carry  out  intelligently  the  instructions  of 
the  medical  attendant,  which  comparatively 
few  are  now  able  to  do.  In  point  of  fact, 
the  average  mother,  who  should  be  a  help 
in  the  sickroom,   is  often  a  hindrance. 

If  all  families  could  afford  to  employ  a 
trained  nurse  for  emergencies,  this  knowl- 
edge of  health  might  not  be  quite  so  essen- 
tial ;  but,  unfortunately,  comparatively  few 
among  the  hundreds  of  thousands  of  families 

238 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

in  the  United  States  or  anywhere  else,  can 
afford  the  services  of  a  skilled  nurse. 

So,  first,  the  problem  is  how  to  prevent 
measles ;  for  by  all  means  the  best  im- 
munization is  prevention.  When  measles  is 
prevalent  in  a  community,  every  child  with  a 
cough  may  be  properly  suspected  of  harbor- 
ing something  communicable,  and  should  not 
be  permitted  to  play  with  other  children. 
It  is  not  only  very  stupid,  but  it  shows  a 
criminal  indifference  to  the  rights  of  other 
people's  children,  for  a  mother  to  permit  a 
child  suffering  from  a  mild  attack  of  measles, 
or  recovering  from  an  attack,  to  afflict  others. 

One  invariable  symptom  of  measles  is  the 
presence  of  "Koplik's  spots",  so  called  after 
the  doctor  who  first  pointed  them  out. 
These  are  small,  white-tipped,  reddish  spots 
found  on  the  mucous  membrane  inside  the 
cheeks  and  lips,  and  are  never  associated 
with  anything  except  measles. 

Measles  could  be  almost  entirely  avoided 

239 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

if  every  mother  would  learn  its  character, 
and  follow  common-sense  methods  of  pre- 
venting it.  To  this  end,  children  with 
measles,  or  without  them,  for  that  matter, 
should  be  taught  always  to  hold  a  hand- 
kerchief in  front  of  the  face  while  coughing, 
and  to  be  very  careful  not  to  sneeze  or  cough 
in  such  a  manner  as  to  distribute  any  mucus 
over  the  surrounding  neighborhood. 

Also  everything  that  comes  in  contact 
with  a  patient  should  be  sterilized  before 
being  again  allowed  to  circulate  through  the 
household.  This  applies  particularly  to  all 
dishes,  napkins,  bed  clothes,  and  towels, 
which  are  readily  sterilized  by  boiling  for 
twenty  minutes. 

While  every  case  of  measles  should  be 
under  the  direct  care  of  a  physician,  to  guard 
against  grave  complications,  yet  a  certain 
familiarity  that  breeds  contempt  has  re- 
sulted   in    its    usually    being     considered     a 

"house-treated"  disease.     Therefore  it  might 

240 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

be  pertinent  to  suggest  a  few  simple  measures 
that  may  prove  helpful. 

First,  and  most  important,  if  we  are  ever 
to  stamp  out  this  absolutely  preventable  dis- 
ease, the  little  patient  should  be  isolated,  and 
thereby  prevented  from  infecting  any  other 
child.  Remember,  all  these  maladies  can 
spread  in  only  one  way,  —  by  being  com- 
municated from  one  person  to  another. 

Next,  the  child  should  be  placed  in  a  cold, 
darkened,  but  well-ventilated  room,  the  bed 
being  protected  from  drafts  by  screens.  The 
bed  clothes  should  be  light :  otherwise  the 
youngster  is  likely  to  get  overheated,  and 
kick  off  the  covers.  A  chill  contracted  in 
this  way  may  result  in  pneumonia. 

When  the  cough  or  the  laryngeal  irritation 
is  severe,  much  relief  is  experienced  by  keep- 
ing the  room  moistened  with  steam,  or  the 
evaporation  from  a  pan  of  water  on  the  radia- 
tor or  stove. 

In   no   circumstances   should   the   child   be 

241 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

permitted  to  run  about  the  house.  The  bed 
is  the  proper  and  only  place  for  a  sick  person, 
particularly  one  ill  with  a  fever. 

Plenty  of  water  or  weak  lemonade  should 
be  freely  given,  and  all  avenues  of  elimina- 
tion gently  stimulated. 

The  patient  should  be  kept  in  bed  until 
the  temperature  has  been  normal  —  around 
ninety-eight  degrees  —  for  a  week ;  then  he 
should  be  confined  to  the  house  for  at  least 
one   week   longer. 

For  a  time  great  care  should  be  taken  that 
too  violent  exercise  be  not  indulged  in,  be- 
cause there  is  frequently  a  considerable  weak- 
ening of  the  heart  muscle  following  fevers. 
Consequently,  the  heart  must  be  given  time 
to  regain  its  normal  tone  before  much  strain 
is  again  put  upon  it  by  the  violent  exigencies 
of  play. 

The  eyes  may  be  bathed  with  a  little  warm 

normal  salt  solution   (a  teaspoonful  of   table 

salt  to  the  pint  of  water).     A  little  vaseline 

242 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

or  olive  oil  will  prevent  the  lids  from  ^'gluing 
together"  during  the  night.  Indeed,  care 
of  the  eyes  is  very  essential,  as  many  cases  of 
chronic  eye  trouble  result  from  an  attack  of 
measles. 

The  comfort  of  the  patient  may  be  greatly 
enhanced  by  sponging  the  body  with  tepid 
water  and  alcohol,  especially  when  the  fever 
is  high.  Sometimes  cloths  wrung  out  of 
ice  water  applied  to  the  head  are  of  decided 
advantage. 

Speaking  of  baths  recalls  that  it  was  the 
common  custom  until  a  dozen  years  ago  — 
is  yet,  in  some  very  backward  places  —  for 
mothers  to  rejoice  and  wax  exceeding  glad 
when  little  Brother  or  Sister  developed, 
during  the  course  of  measles,  an  "extra 
good"  rash;  this,  on  the  basis  that  the 
children  were  "getting  rid  of  a  lot  of  humor", 
and  also  that  it   was  "better  out  than  in." 

The  proposal  to  give  the  little  sufferers 
relief  and  comfort,  and  at  the  same  time  re- 

243 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

duce  their  fever  by  "tubbing"  them,  or  apply- 
ing wet  packs,  would  be  met  by  an  incredu- 
lous, "Why,  you  don't  want  to  drive  the 
rash  in,  do  you?"  This  "driving  in"  pro- 
cess was  generally  held  to  result  in  convul- 
sions, or  other  serious  consequences.  Now 
we  know  that  the  rash  outside  simply  indi- 
cates approximately  what  is  going  on  in- 
side. The  more  rash,  the  more  severe  the 
disease. 

The  food  should  be  extremely  light. 
Nutritious  broths,  soft-boiled  eggs,  milk, 
jellies,  junkets,  toast,  and  those  dishes  which 
experience  has  proved  agree  with  the  par- 
ticular child,  are  best.  Oatmeal  and  sweet- 
ened mushes,  because  of  their  tendency  to 
cause  fermentation,  and  thereby  increase 
the  fever,  should  be  left  until  such  time  as 
the  patient  is  strong  enough  to  withstand 
their  harmful  influence.  It  is  also  wise  to 
remember  that  tissue  cannot  be  built  up  nor 
waste  repaired  by  starchy  gruels ;    for  man 

244 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

does  not  live  by  starch  alone.  Starch  may 
stick  paper;  but  it  does  not  "stick  to  the 
ribs." 

Pet  animals  should  be  carefully  excluded 
from  the  room  of  a  measles  patient.  Chil- 
dren have  a  habit  of  fondling  and  nuzzling 
cats  and  dogs,  and,  while  perhaps  it  has 
never  been  definitely  proved  that  pets  have 
conveyed  measles,  all  opportunities  and 
means  for  so  doing  are  certainly  present  in 
them  and  their  furry  coats. 

While  it  is  generally  held  that  one  visita- 
tion of  measles  confers  immunity  from  suc- 
ceeding attacks,  there  are  numerous  cases  on 
record  of  second,   or  even  third,   attacks. 

It  may  surprise  many  to  know  that 
measles,  occurring  among  uncivilized  peoples, 
is  a  dreadfully  fatal  disease,  whole  tribes 
being  literally  wiped  out  of  existence  by  its 
ravages.  When  it  was  first  introduced  into 
the  Fiji  Islands,  and  had  a  chance  to  breed 
in  bodies  that  had  not  undergone  a  certain 

245 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

degree  of  immunization  to  it,  such  as  exists 
in  most  civilized  countries,  the  natives  died 
by  thousands.  Twenty  thousand  perished 
in  less  than  a  year ;  in  fact,  the  epidemic  did 
not  run  itself  out  until  every  person  on  the 
islands  had  either  died,  or  had  the  disease 
and  recovered  from  It. 

It  Is  well  known  that  when  an  adult  gets 
the  measles  he  "gets  it  good."  And  he  can 
be  about  as  sick  with  an  attack  of  it  as  with 
almost  anything  he  could  pick  out  for  ex- 
perimental purposes.  When  it  afflicts  an 
army  where  sanitary  precautions  are  usually 
conspicuous  by  their  absence,  it  claims  a 
heavy  toll.  For  instance,  some  years  ago.  In 
the  war  between  Brazil  and  Paraguay,  It 
swept  away  one  third  of  the  Paraguayan 
army  in  less  than  three  months ;  and  during 
our  Civil  War  there  were  more  than  thirty- 
eight  thousand  cases  in  the  Confederate 
army  alone,  with  a  total  of  nineteen  thou- 
sand deaths. 

246 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

In  the  United  States,  at  the  present  time, 
the  annual  mortality  from  measles  is  about 
thirty  in  one  hundred  thousand ;  not  large, 
perhaps,  considering  the  total  number  of 
cases,  but  just  thirty  in  one  hundred  thou- 
sand more  than  there  should  be. 

For  measles  has  no  more  reason  for  exist- 
ence than  has  plague  or  typhus.  These 
diseases  have  been  practically  stamped  out 
on  this  hemisphere.  This  we  accomplished 
by  investigating  their  causes  and  methods, 
and  then  directing  treatment  accordingly. 
If  we  had  thirteen  thousand  deaths  in  a 
year  from  plague,  the  whole  country  would 
rise  in  a  frenzy  of  fear  and  determination  to 
drive  put  this  ferocious  foe.  But  little, 
sniffly,  piffling  measles,  and  its  grim  sequelae 
of  tuberculosis,  and  eye,  ear,  and  kidney 
troubles,  attracts  little  or  no  attention. 
When  the  public  is  educated  to  realize  the 
dangers,   the  foolish   waste   of  life,    and    the 

economic  loss  to  the  country,  because  of  the 

247 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

tremendous  aggregate  amount  of  illness,  and 
compulsory  absence  from  school  attendance, 
a  definite  effort  will  be  made  to  wipe  measles 
off  the  earth. 

Scarlet  fever  is  one  of  the  children's 
diseases  that  are  justly  dreaded,  and  it  is 
usually  accorded  respectful  consideration. 
Too  little  emphasis  is  placed,  however,  upon 
the  danger  of  developing  most  serious  con- 
ditions from  lack  of  care  during  conva- 
lescence. If  all  children  recovering  from 
scarlet  fever  were  kept  in  bed  for  a  full  week 
after  the  fever  had  entirely  subsided,  and 
fed  for  two  weeks  longer  on  an  exclusively 
liquid  diet,  it  would  do  much  to  prevent  the 
development  of  those  grave  after  results 
which  sometimes  cause  permanent  disease, 
or  disability,  or  even  death. 

The  next  most  serious  ailment  that  afflicts 

children  is  whooping  cough.     The  chief,  and 

sometimes     the     only,     treatment     for     this 

disease  —  except  perhaps  in  the  case  of  in- 

248 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

fants,  in  whom  its  gravity  is  generally  rec- 
ognized —  is  one  of  neglect  and  contempt. 
And  yet  so  severe  at  times  are  the  paroxysms 
of  coughing  that  frequently  rupture  of  the 
small  blood  vessels  of  the  eyes,  lungs,  sur- 
face of  the  skin,  or  even  the  brain  may 
result.  Also  the  heart  may  occasionally 
become  distended  from  overstraining,  and 
may  remain  so. 

In  babies  under  one  year  the  mortality 
may  be  as  high  as  twenty-five  per  cent. 
After  that  age  it  decreases,  as  one  might  say, 
almost  in  inverse  ratio  to  the  increase  in 
the  child's  age ;  until  finally  it  becomes  a 
scoffing,  a  byword,  or  a  very  unpleasant  joke, 
interrupted  from  time  to  time  by  ringing 
whoops. 

I  sat  opposite  a  little  family  party  con- 
sisting of  a  mother,  a  nursemaid,  and  three 
children  in  a  railroad  train  one  afternoon 
last  summer.  A  little  red-eyed  boy  of  eight 
or   thereabouts    occupied    half   of   the    seat ; 

249 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

that  is,  he  occupied  it  by  standing  with 
muddy  feet  upon  the  cushions.  He  faced 
a  little  girl  and  the  nursemaid.  The  latter 
held  an  infant  in  her  arms.  Sharing  the 
seat  with  the  boy  was  a  sedate  and  ladylike 
child  of  five. 

I  had  never  before  heard  such  paroxysms 
of  whooping  cough  as  originated  in  that 
boy.  His  resonant  laryngeal  ring  could  be 
readily  heard  in  the  next  car.  The  poor 
little  chap  whooped  and  coughed  and 
spluttered  impartially  over  his  infant  rela- 
tive and  his  two  little  sisters,  none  of  whom 
showed  any  signs  of  having  had  the  disease. 

The  mother,  who  occupied  a  coign  of  van- 
tage in  the  seat  back  of  the  nursemaid,  kept 
turning  idly  the  leaves  of  a  fashion  magazine, 
except  as  she  was  aroused  at  intervals  by 
some  exceptionally  turbulent  outburst  from 
her  son.  Then  she  would  look  up,  and  smile 
a  fat-faced  smile  of  satisfaction  to  learn 
that  her  hopeful  had  not  yet  choked  to  death. 

250 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

Such  Ignorance  as  this  prosperous  looking 
woman  exhibited  was  enough  to  turn  one's 
blood  cold.  She  seemed  not  to  have  the 
slightest  conception  of  the  tremendous  con- 
tagiousness of  whooping  cough,  or  that  the 
disease  in  young  children  or  infants  might 
be  a  very  grave,   not  to  say  fatal,   ailment. 

I  felt  like  paraphrasing  Madam  Roland 
with  "O  Motherhood,  what  crimes  are  com- 
mitted in  thy  name!"  Instead  I  made  an 
ass  of  myself  by  apologetically  telling  the 
lady  that  her  whooping  child  was  a  very 
serious  menace  to  her  other  three,  and  that, 
in  the  interest  of  these  three,  the  little  boy 
should  be  headed  in  the  right  direction,  and 
provided  with  a  handkerchief  to  whoop  in. 
For  this  altruistic  act  I  was  thanked  with  a 
haughty  stare  and  an  intimation  that  if  I  had 
any  business  to  mind,  I  had  better  mind  it,  and 
not  be  insulting  decent,  respectable  people  — 
busily    engaged    in    disseminating    whooping 

cough  in  their  own  decent,  respectable  way. 

251 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

Treating  every  case  as  though  it  were  a 
most  serious  condition,  —  which  it  is,  —  and 
excusing  the  children  from  all  care  and  exer- 
tion until  they  are  completely  cured,  would 
prevent  three  fourths  of  the  ten  thousand 
deaths  from  whooping  cough  that  annually 
shame  the  United  States. 

Mumps  is  another  highly  contagious,  but 
—  among  civilized  races  —  not  very  fatal 
disease.  Mothers  should  learn  to  recognize 
its  symptoms,  as  it  is  extremely  common 
and  but  rarely  under  the  complete  care  of 
a  medical  man. 

Mumps  usually  makes  its  appearance  as 
a  slight  cold,  with  perhaps  a  little  cough. 
There  is  then  a  period  of  depression,  and  an 
elevation  in  temperature,  with  possibly  head- 
ache, and  some  vomiting. 

The  child  complains  of  pain  and  a  feeling 

of  tightness  at  the  angle  of  the  jaws  right 

below    the    hinge.     This    is    followed    by    a 

gradual  enlargement  of  one  or  both  glands 

252 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

under  the  jaw,  running  up  to  the  back  of  the 
ear.  This  swelling  has  a  tendency  to  make 
a  caricature  of  a  raving  beauty,  and  a  freak 
of  an  ordinar}'  individual,  particularly  if  he 
be  a  male  adult.  There  are  few  funnier 
sights  than  a  full-grown,  angry  man  with  the 
mumps.  He  is  so  swollen  and  puffed  out 
that  his  ears  protrude  in  most  grotesque 
fashion,  and  involuntarily  you  catch  yourself 
watching  for  them  to  ^'wiggle."  Ringing 
in  the  ears  and  earache  are  quite  common. 
The  attack  usually  lasts  about  a  week,  after 
which  the  swelling  gradually  subsides,  and 
by  the  tenth  or  twelfth  day  has  completely 
disappeared. 

The  same  septic  symptoms  that  follow 
scarlet  fever,  and  to  some  extent  measles, 
are  also  occasionally  seen  in  mumps. 
Middle-ear  trouble  and  deafness,  chronic 
swollen  joints,  kidney  inflammation,  and 
occasionallv  that  erave  condition  known  as 
meningitis    (inflammation    of    the    coverings 

:)0 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

of  the  brain)  may  leave  the  victim  partly 
paralyzed  for  life,  or  speechless,  or  with  a 
defective    intellect,    or    even    totally    blind. 

So  do  not  make  light  of  mumps.  In 
fact,  it  is  good  policy,  and  shows  excellent 
sense,  not  to  despise  any  physical  ailment, 
no  matter  how  humble  it  may  appear  to  be. 

Chicken  pox  is  another  disease  of  child- 
hood that  is  regarded  more  as  a  joke  than 
a  disease.  Frequently  the  victim  is  not  ill 
enough  to  remain  in  bed,  unless  by  due 
process  of  force.  Yet  at  times  this  disor- 
der flares  up  with  all  the  virulence  of  small- 
pox, for  which  it  has  often  been  mistaken. 

Not  so  distinctly  traceable,  but  none  the 
less  serious  in  the  long  run,  are  the  condi- 
tions following  these  contagious,  preventable 
diseases.  Usually  there  is  a  loss  of  vigor, 
absence  of  appetite,  or  perhaps  digestive 
disturbance,  with  chronic  depression  and  a 
decrease  in  the  powers  of  assimilation  and 
metabolism.     These  are  particularly  marked 

254 


CHILDREN'S   DISEASES 

among  the  children  of  the  poor,  who  cannot 
afford  to  purchase  the  highly  nutritious  and 
appetizingly  cooked  foods  so  necessary  if 
the  little  patients  are  fully  to  recover. 

We  should  learn  to  treat  all  diseases  with 
respect  for  the  active  or  potential  evil  in- 
herent in  them.  The  commoner  the  ail- 
ments, the  more  watchfully  they  should  be 
regarded. 

Remember  that  no  diseases  are  necessary 
or  desirable ;  that  any  of  them,  even  the 
most  trifling,  may  become  dangerous  under 
unfavorable  conditions.  Though  children's 
diseases  are  familiar,  let  us  not  make  the 
mistake  of  treating  them  with  contempt. 
To  do  so  is  to  exhibit  a  choice  brand  of 
very  costly  ignorance. 


^SS 


CHAPTER  XV 

Where  Nature  Bungles 

SINCE  her  fall  upon  the  treacherous 
ice,  the  girl's  knee  had  grown  ab- 
solutely immobile.  It  had  ankylosed  into 
a  solid  length,  completely  obliterating  the 
function  of  the  joint.  And  now,  instead  of 
swinging  from  the  hips  with  careless,  easy 
stride,  she  stilted  along  with  the  stiff  lack  of 
grace  of  the  cripple  she  was. 

The  inflammatory  process  had  com- 
pletely destroyed  the  secreting  power  of 
those  transparent  membranes  that  surround 
the  joints  (the  synovial  sacs),  and  no  longer 
did  they  pour  out  their  lubricant  to  "oil  the 
joint."     Instead,    the    surfaces    adhered,    the 

bony  cells,  by  that  cruel  principle  known  as 

256 


WHERE  NATURE   BUNGLES 

exostosis,  ramified  into  the  joint,  joined  their 
fellows  on  the  other  side  of  the  knee,  and 
finally  solidified  the  member  into  one  rigid 
mass  of  bone. 

Fraulein  Rosa,  with  the  arrogance  of 
youth,  had  always  been  proud  of  her  free, 
swinging  step,  her  erect  carriage,  and  the 
dominating  confidence  that  radiated  from 
her  perfect  poise  and  her  aggressive  good 
health.  But  their  old  family  physician  had 
declared  that  no  surgery  or  medicine  would 
ever  avail  to  restore  the  use  of  her  knee. 
And  the  world,  which  had  always  seemed 
so  full  of  glad  things,  now  lowered  upon  her. 

Yet  something  deep  down  in  her  soul 
refused  to  accept  crippledom.  Some  part 
of  that  hope  that  springs  eternal  in  the 
human  breast  called  out  of  the  darkness, 
and  led  her  to  the  foot  of  the  hill  of  blind 
faith,  in  —  she  knew  not  what. 

And  then,  one  glorious  day,  the  doctor 
told  her  in  his  homely,  hearty  way  of  a  great 

257 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

discovery  that  was  shaking  the  foundations 
of  the  scientific  world. 

"Yes,  it  is  possible  to  get  you  a  new  knee 
in  place  of  your  useless  member.  Professor 
Erich  Lexer  and  others  among  the  world's 
great  surgeons  have  succeeded  in  trans- 
planting and  ingrafting  portions  of  bone  from 
healthy  individuals,  killed  or  crippled  by 
accident,  into  tubercular  or  injured  struc- 
tures, and  the  bones  grow  in  their  new  rela- 
tion, as  scions  would  on  a  sound  tree.  The 
operation  promises  success.  Of  course  you 
realize  that  if  the  strange  bones  fail  to  unite 
you  must  lose  your  leg.  If  decay  of  the  bone 
(necrosis)  supervenes,  we  must  amputate. 
But  it  is  worth  the  hazard." 

To  the  girl  it  was  worth  any  chance  to 
have  the  freedom  of  movement  she  had  once 
known.  There  was  no  risk  she  was  not 
willing  to  take  as  long  as  the  good  doctor 
thought  it  was  worth  while.  He  warned  her 
that  she  would  have  to  endure  much  suffer- 

258 


WHERE  NATURE   BUNGLES 

ing,  that  she  would  have  to  be  infinitely 
patient,  and  she  only  smiled.  All  she  could 
think  of  was  being  strong  and  well  and  free. 
And  when  the  doctor  explained  to  her  what 
the  wonderful  discovery  was,  and  its  sig- 
nificance, she  listened,  because  she  knew  it 
gave  him  pleasure  to  explain,  and  not  be- 
cause she  wanted  to  hear.  Yet  it  should 
have  thrilled  her,  especially : 

"The  life  principle,  the  biological  soul, 
resident  in  every  minutest  cell  of  the  body, 
has  been  found  to  be  immortal.  Could 
healthy  tissues,  cartilage,  or  even  organs,  be 
transplanted  from  bodies  that  no  longer  re- 
quired their  service  into  living  structures,  to 
bodies  that  could  nourish  them,  they  might 
grow  in  their  new  relation,  and  thoroughly 
adapt  themselves  to  their  change  of  owners." 
A  great  deal  more  the  garrulous  doctor  told 
her :  Of  the  possibility  of  passing  certain 
groups  of  cells  down  from  an  old  man  to  a 

child,  and  from  that  child,  when  he  grew  up, 

259 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

to  another  child ;  and  so  on,  without  end, 
thereby  perpetuating  Hfe  as  long  as  climatic 
and  other  conditions  permitted  the  human 
organism  to  exist  on  this  planet. 

It  was  difficult  for  her  to  comprehend  his 
reasoning,  it  was  all  so  strange,  so  unusual. 
But  her  mind  followed  laboriously  the  fleet- 
ness  of  her  soul,  in  grasping  some  measure  of 
what  she  had  intuitively  known  all  along. 

The  doctor  would  take  her  to  Professor 
Lexer  himself.  And  so,  with  a  bashful  diffi- 
dence that  her  kindly  old  friend  helped  out 
as  best  he  could,  she  presented  herself  before 
Herr  Professor  Lexer,  director  of  the  Royal 
Surgical  University  Clinic  of  Konigsberg, 
whose  shrewd  German  eyes  beamed  with 
friendly  good  humor  and  paternal  encour- 
agement. 

Yes,  he  thought  the  limb  could  be  restored. 
It  was  difficult ;  but  with  patience  and  cour- 
age   it    might   be    done.     A   veteran    of    the 

Franco-Prussian  War  had  a  perfectly   good 

260 


WHERE  NATURE   BUNGLES 

knee  joint  on  a  leg  for  which  he  had  no 
further  use.  He  must  inevitably  lose  it 
because  of  gangrene  of  the  foot  setting  in. 
But  the  sound  joint  might  be  so  adjusted 
that  the  eighteen-year-old  mddchen  could 
benefit  from  it  in  the  years  to  come,  when 
perhaps  she  might  have  a  little  household  of 
her  own  to  preside  over  in  the  quiet  village 
on  the  banks  of  the  Rhine. 

So  Rosa  entered  the  clinic.  And  at  last 
came  the  day  when  the  attempt  was  to  be 
made.  Erick  Lexer  opened  up  a  flap  of 
the  skin  until  the  joint  was  laid  bare.  With 
the  consummate  skill  of  a  master  craftsman 
he  dissected  the  kneecap  loose  from  its 
rigid  binding.  Then  he  sawed  the  upper  and 
lower  ends  of  the  bones  where  they  met, 
removing  a  length  of  bone  and  joint  as  wide 
as  three  fingers. 

After  which  he  turned  to  the  operating  table 
at  his  side,  where  the  old  soldier  lay  dream- 
ing under  the  influence  of  the  blessed  fumes 

261 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

that  bring  merciful  unconsciousness  to  those 
who  are  to  go  down  into  the  darkness  of 
great  pain,  to  those  children  of  men  who  are 
to  be  repaired  by  the  wizard  carpentry  of  the 
surgeon. 

His  assistant  had  stripped  the  bone  of 
the  aged  sleeper,  and  everything  was  ready. 
The  doctor  measured  as  much  of  the  bone 
and  joint  as  would  exactly  replace  what  he 
had  removed  from  Rosa's  limb.  The  part 
was  carefully  fitted;  but  the  bones  were 
found  to  be  too  large.  Nothing  daunted, 
the  skilful  operator  trimmed  them  down  to 
the  size  of  the  feminine  bones,  inserted 
them,  and  wired  them  fast.  All  that  re- 
mained to  be  done  was  to  replace  the  knee- 
cap, close  up  the  wound,  and  permit  the 
nerves  and  blood  vessels  to  reunite,  through 
Nature's  benign  grace.  Then  a  plaster  cast, 
running  from  toes  to  hip,  was  placed  in 
position. 

After  allowing  seven  weeks  for  the  healthy 

262 


WHERE   NATURE   BUNGLES 

blood  to  nourish,  build,  and  knit  together 
the  parts,  the  cast  was  removed.  Every 
day  the  knee  was  flexed,  and  soon  it  was 
found  that  the  joint  could  be  bent,  without 
pain  or  any  distress,  until  the  leg  was  doubled 
upon  itself. 

And  finally  came  that  glorious  day  when 
she  walked  —  with  the  aid  of  a  crutch  — 
about  the  hospital  wards,  telling  everybody 
how  glad  she  was  to  be  again  made  whole. 
The  crutch  was  soon  discarded  for  a  cane,  and 
then  came  that  never-to-be-forgotten  morn- 
ing when  Rosa,  leaning  on  the  arm  of  the 
good  Herr  Doctor,  left  the  hospital  and  went 
home,  proud  and  happy  that  she  need  never 
be  abashed  or  chagrined  because  she  was 
not  as  other  women. 

This  is  but  one  of  numberless  examples 
of  the  masterful  interference  practised  by  sur- 
gery,—  the  seeing  part  of  the  healing  art. 
In    medicine    ''Help   Nature   by   letting   her 

alone"  may  be  a  splendid  motto  to  blazon 

263 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

on  the  front  door ;  but  in  surgery  it  is  a 
policy  of  masterly  inactivity  that  leads  across 
lots  to  the  cemetery,  or  the  Home  for  the 
Crippled. 

If  disease  attacks  the  spinal  vertebrae, 
old  Mother  Cause  and  Effect  twists  the  poor 
sufferer  into  permanent  deformity.  The  or- 
thopedist improves  upon  this  bungling  cru- 
dity by  adjusting  a  steel  frame  in  such  a 
manner  that  all  weight  is  taken  off  the 
afflicted  parts,  and  friction  is  eliminated. 
This  gives  the  healing  elements  of  the  body 
a  real  chance. 

It  might  be  stated  that  five  years  are  usu- 
ally required  to  effect  a  complete  cure ;  but 
in  the  meantime  the  child  can  attend  school, 
move  about,  and  enjoy  a  certain  degree  of 
freedom.  With  adults  frequently  a  portion  of 
bone  from  a  healthy  limb  is  split  off  and  bound, 
as  a  splint,  to  the  diseased  section,  so  that 
the  bone  is  held  immobile.     By  this  plan  the 

period  of  healing  is  reduced  to  a  year,  or  less. 

264 


WHERE   NATURE   BUNGLES 

Or,  better  still,  the  "over-correction" 
method  introduced  by  Doctor  Abbott  of 
Portland,  Maine,  is  resorted  to.  This  con- 
sists in  bending  the  body  in  the  opposite 
direction  to  the  curvature,  and  retaining 
this  position,  by  incasement  for  a  time  in 
a  plaster  cast.  When  the  cast  is  removed  it 
will  be  found  that  the  spine  has  become 
perfectly  aligned. 

Congenital  hip  dislocation,  such  as  afflicted 
Lolita  Armour,  Nature  makes  not  even  the 
slightest  effort  to  correct.  In  this  condition 
the  rounded  head  of  the  long  bone  of  the 
thigh,  the  femur,  does  not  properly  rotate 
in  the  socket  of  the  hip  bone,  —  that  earliest 
of  ball-bearing  devices,  —  and  furthermore, 
unless  aided  by  surgery,  it  never  will. 

But  the  herculean  Professor  Lorenz  comes 

to  this  country,  and  with  a  giant's  strength, 

combined   with   the    sensitive    delicacy   of    a 

woman's  touch,  he  rotates  the  ball  of  bone 

into    the    cup    intended    for    it.     Then    rigid 

26s 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

casts  hold  it  in  place  until  the  ligaments  and 
muscles  are  trained  to  maintain  it  there. 

True,  the  "reduction"  does  not  always 
remain  "put",  as  was  the  case  with  Lolita 
Armour;  but  in  explanation  of  this  we 
must  remember  that  with  her  the  condition 
had  persisted  for  many  years.  The  muscles 
and  ligaments  had  become  accommodated 
to  their  malplaced  position,  they  had  lost 
their  elasticity.  Had  the  operation  been 
made  several  years  earlier,  say  at  the  age  of 
three  or  four,  the  results  would  have  been 
much  more  satisfactory. 

Many  other  subjects  of  this  "bloodless" 
surgery   remain  permanently  cured. 

And  speaking  of  "bloodless"  surgery  re- 
calls our  friends  the  osteopaths,  who  were 
first  to  practise  this  system.  Subluxation 
of  the  sacro-iliac  joint  (partial  dislocation 
of  the  hip)  was  successfully  treated  by  osteo- 
paths years  before  our  surgeons  adopted  this 
method  of  reducing  the  luxation.     And  this 

266 


WHERE   NATURE   BUNGLES 

is  but  one  of  many  osteopathic  operations 
that  we  are  appropriating. 

Physicians  and  surgeons  all  over  the  world 
are  realizing  the  importance  of  the  normal 
alignment  of  spinal  vertebrae  and  that  the 
relief  of  ''pinched"  nerves,  due  to  "tipping" 
of  the  spinous  processes,  is  frequently  fol- 
lowed by  remarkable  results. 

In  a  few  years  the  science  of  osteopathy 
will  be  recognized  as  a  branch  of  medicine, 
and  chairs  of  adjustment  therapeutics  in- 
corporated as  part  of  the  curricula  of  our 
medical  colleges. 

The  good  will  be  culled  out  and  perpet- 
uated. The  foolish  attempts  to  cure  specific 
diseases,  and  those  arising  from  microbic 
infection,  will  be  abandoned.  Osteopathy 
has  an  important  place;  but  it  can't  do 
everything. 

Sometimes  it  is  found  that  the  ball  on  the 

head  of  the  femur  hasn't   ''bulge"   enough. 

It  is  too  flat  to  furnish  an  adequate  "shelf" 

267 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

for  the  hip  socket.  Then  a  piece  is  sawed 
from  its  outer  edge,  and  the  fragment  turned 
inward  and  united  with  the  flattened  surface, 
and  the  ball  is  built  out  to  normal  propor- 
tions. 

When  a  malignant  growth  proceeds  calmly 
to  destroy  a  bone,  advantage  is  now  taken  of 
the  fact  that  a  section  of  clean  bone  freshly 
sawed  can  be  ingrafted,  —  as  v/e  have  seen 
Professor  Lexer  do  with  the  ankylosed  knee 
joint,  —  and  perfect  union  follows. 

It  happened  recently  in  New  York  that  a 
section  of  sound  bone  from  a  patient's  leg 
was  removed  and  set  into  a  space  in  the  arm, 
from  which  the  tubercular  bone  had  been 
excised.  The  bone  cells  ramified  together, 
forming  a  thoroughly  solid  structure,  while 
the  cells  from  the  cut  ends  of  the  leg  bone 
granulated,  finally  uniting  under  the  protec- 
tion of  the  bone  covering  (periosteum),  which 
had  been  dissected  loose,  laid  back,  and  then 

restored  to  its  former  position.     The  subject 

268 


WHERE  NATURE  BUNGLES 

of  this  unique  graft  now  has  a  thoroughly 
good  arm  and  perfect  legs. 

Even  with  such  seemingly  intractable 
conditions  as  "club-foot",  —  acquired  from 
muscular  paralysis  and  a  failure  to  counter- 
act the  "pull"  of  the  sound  muscles  and  the 
drop  incident  to  the  weight  of  the  foot,  — 
bone  ingrafting  is  rapidly  replacing  the  older 
methods  of  forcible  stretching  of  the  muscles 
and  ligaments,  practised  from  time  im- 
memorial, to  correct  one  of  Nature's  out- 
rageous bungles.  An  incision  is  made,  the 
deformed  ankle  bone  removed,  a  straight 
one  inserted,  and  the  feet  restored  to  proper 
adjustment. 

If  Hippocrates  could  come  back  and  see 
the  wonders  that  some  of  his  brain  children 
are  accomplishing  as  part  of  their  everyday 
practice  he  would  be  lost  in  amazement. 
But  he  was  a  "practical  man",  not  dis- 
posed to  put  too  much  confidence  in  anything 

excepting    results.     His     apparatus    for    re- 

269 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

ducing  wrist  and  shoulder  dislocations  and 
straightening  club  feet  resembles  very  closely 
those  which  are  still  in  use. 

Had  the  old-time  surgeons  access  to  the 
benefits  of  anatomical  study,  other  than 
merely  superficial  observation,  or  what  they 
could  learn  from  the  bodies  of  animals,  they 
would  undoubtedly  have  achieved  even  more 
remarkable  results.  For  we  must  not  forget 
that  dissection,  the  only  absolute  method  of 
determining  pathological  conditions,  was  for- 
bidden up  to  within  very  recent  times. 

While  the  warlike  peoples  of  the  world  had 
no  conscientious  scruples  against  killing,  — 
in  fact,  regarded  it  as  one  of  the  few  honor- 
able avocations  in  which  gentlemen  might 
indulge  without  loss  of  dignity,  —  they  ac- 
corded great  respect  to  a  corpse. 

Partly  on  the  principle  of  "do  unto 
others  as  you  would  be  done  by,"  —  for 
when  their  turn  came,  and  they  were 
spitted  upon  the  foeman's  steel,  —  they  ex- 

270 


WHERE  NATURE   BUNGLES 

pected  and  secured  conventional  disposition 
of   their   remains. 

It  is  almost  unbelievable  that,  owing  to 
this  antidissection  prejudice,  there  prevailed 
the  densest  ignorance  of  anatomy,  even 
as  late  as  the  middle  of  the  seventeenth 
century. 

A  dispute  arose  on  one  occasion  between 
two  grave  professors  and  the  court  physician 
of  the  Margrave  of  Baden,  regarding  the 
location  of  the  heart.  The  council  had 
decided  to  put  a  plaster  over  the  heart ;  but 
they  couldn't  agree  just  where  to  put  it. 
Two  contended  that  the  heart  was  in  the 
middle  of  the  chest,  which  statement  was 
vigorously  disputed  by  the  third.  To  settle 
the  matter,  they  opened  a  pig,  and  found  the 
heart,  of  course,  on  the  left  side. 

They  had  strayed  far  afield  from  the  teach- 
ings of  exact  observation,  the  patient  noting 
of  symptoms,  collation  of  facts,  and  generali- 
zations of  the  revered  "Father  of  Medicine." 

271 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

For  Hippocrates  may  truly  be  said  to  have 
shaped  the  molds  in  which  the  brain  bullets 
of  the  Pasteurs,  Virchows,  Flexners,  and 
Cabots  are  cast. 

He  knew  that  Nature  was  a  well  meaning 
but  very  ignorant  old  incompetent  when  it 
came  to  repairing  injuries  or  healing  condi- 
tions that  were  distinctly  surgical.  And  his 
successors  ever  since  have  been  trying  to 
correct  the  blunders  of  Nature  in  seeking 
the  easiest  way  to  patch  up  an  injury. 
Nature  amputates  a  leg  by  the  simple  but 
inexpedient  process  of  sloughing  off  the  un- 
fortunate member. 

But  her  mistakes  are  not  confined  to  ortho- 
pedic surgery.  In  appendic  inflammation 
she  makes  a  heroic  attempt  to  "wall  off" 
the  seat  of  trouble  by  building  up  adhesions 
in  the  surrounding  tissues,  and  then  waits 
until  the  owner  of  the  internal  dynamite 
factory  is  away  on  a  fishing  trip,  or  some- 
where   remote   from    professional    assistance. 

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WHERE   NATURE   BUNGLES 

Then  she  proceeds  to  blow  the  factory  into 
smithereens  —  and  the  owner  with  it. 

Even  the  sister  science  of  medicine  is  far  in 
advance  of  "Nature-Curo"  in  this  matter, 
particularly  if  the  recently  discovered  relief 
of  appendicitis  by  arseniate  of  copper  and 
eliminants  should  prove  a  success. 

If  any  affection  arises  within  the  middle 
ear,  the  best  Dame  Nature  can  do  is  to  per- 
forate the  eardrum,  and  set  up  a  discharging 
abscess. 

If  in  the  eye,  she  obliterates  the  function 
of  the  cornea  or  lenses,  and  leaves  the 
maimed  wanderer  to  grope  his  life  through 
a  world  of  darkness,  unless  some  wizardry 
of  the  oculist  shall  transplant  healthy  rabbit- 
eye  tissue  to  replace  that  destroyed  by 
wound  or  inflammation. 

And  even  the  mechanical  arrangement  of 
the  various  parts  of  the  eye  could  be  justly 
criticized.  Helmholtz,  whose  scholarly  re- 
searches have  done  so  much  to  throw  light 

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SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

upon  light,  —  also  sound,  —  said,  in  fact, 
that  if  he  had  an  optical  workman  who  could 
not  make  a  better  pair  of  lenses  than  Nature 
often  provided,  he'd  discharge  him. 

In  the  early  morning  of  the  world's  in- 
tellectual light  it  required  a  great  and  daring 
pioneer  to  blaze  a  trail  through  the  almost 
impassable  jungles  of  ignorance,  the  mo- 
rasses of  prejudice,  and  map  out  a  straight 
course  to  the  lofty  mountains  of  Reason  and 
Scientific  Fact.  The  seas  Hippocrates  sailed 
were  uncharted,  his  sole  compass  the  ana- 
lytical deductions  of  his  own  giant  mind. 

And  so  we  see  why  Herr  Professor  Lexer 
was  enabled  to  practise  his  wizard  carpentry 
upon  the  stiffened  knee  of  the  young  Ger- 
man girl.  Even  a  pygmy  can  see  farther  by 
mounting  upon  the  shoulders  of  a  giant. 

And  a  really  great  man  like  Lexer  might 
logically  achieve  a  marvelous  range  of  vision 
—  in  part,  because  that  master  craftsman,  the 

titanic  Hippocrates,  had  lived  and  thought. 

274 


CHAPTER  XVI 

Making  Loose  Teeth  Tight 

PROGRESSIVE  American  physicians 
have  found  out  what  ails  ninety-five 
out  of  every  hundred  of  us  —  and  of  all  other 
adults  in  the  civilized  world.  We  now  know 
why  our  gums  lack  grip,  why  we  part  un- 
timely with  our  natural  teeth.  And  this  dis- 
covery has  led  to  others  equally  amazing  and 
valuable  in  overcoming  dangerous  and  even 
heretofore  incurable  maladies. 

It  is  all  on  account  of  one,  or  possibly  two, 
varieties  of  our  hereditary  enemies,  the  Germ 
Family,  which  are  found  luxuriating  on  our 
twenty  to  thirty  inches  of  tooth  surface ; 
also  between  and  under  the  teeth,  or  in  the 
crypts  and  pockets  about  their  roots. 

275 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

These  animal  parasites  are  the  chief  cause 
of  pyorrhea  alveolaris,  known  also  as  Rigg's 
disease  of  the  gums.  The  name  of  the  prin- 
cipal miscreant  is  entamoeba  buccalis.  He 
was  first  discovered  by  Prowazek  in  1904; 
but  he  has  heretofore  been  considered  a  harm- 
less vagrant,  contented  to  loaf  around  on  the 
outside  of  the  teeth  and  gums.  The  charge 
against  him  was  merely  that  he  existed ;  for 
the  evidence  showed  that  he  was  occasionally 
found  in  what  were  thought  to  be  perfectly 
normal  mouths. 

But  his  real  character  was  revealed,  when 
Doctor  M.  T.  Barrett  and  Doctor  Allen  J. 
Smith  (the  last  named  is  professor  of  pathol- 
ogy in  the  University  of  Pennsylvania)  dem- 
onstrated that  entamoeba  buccalis  was  the 
long-fingered  villain  that  had  been  picking 
perfectly  good  teeth  out  of  long-suffering 
gums.  These  findings  were  checked  up  and 
proved  by  Doctor  C.  C.  Bass  of  the  Tulane 
College  of  Medicine    (who   is   to  bugs   what 

276 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGEIT 

Cesare  Lombroso  was  to  human  beings), 
Doctor  F.  M.  Johns,  and  later  by  wide-awake 
pathologists  and  dental  experts  throughout 
the  country. 

Of  course,  to  get  absolutely  Incontrovert- 
ible proof  of  this  discovery,  we  ought  to  inoc- 
ulate a  healthy  person  with  Rigg's  disease 
by  injecting  living  amoebas  into  his  tissues, 
thereby  producing  what  would  then  be  the 
matter  with  him. 

I  call  this  bug  a  "long-fingered  villain" 
advisedly ;  for,  in  common  with  others  of 
his  vicious  breed,  he  gets  his  living  by  thrust- 
ing out  jelly  fingers  (pseudopods)  from  various 
parts  of  his  anatomy,  in  his  search  for  food, 
or  to  assist  him  in  migrating  about. 

The  entamoeba  gains  an  entrance  beneath 
the  red  ramparts  of  the  gums  through  abra- 
sions or  wounds  made  by  toothpicks  or  dental 
floss,  the  healing  of  which  is  prevented  by 
particles  of  food  forced  between   the  teeth. 

Again,  the  disease  may  enter  through  the  in- 

277 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

flammation  around  the  roots  of  the  teeth, 
excited  by  ill-fitting  crowns,  overhanging 
margins  of  improperly  constructed  fillings,  or 
through  malocclusion  (failure  of  upper  and 
lower  teeth  properly  to  oppose  one  another), 
or  through  stony  substances  called  calculi 
deposited  from  the  saliva  or  blood  serum, 
these  being  almost  invariably  found  when 
pyorrhea  is  present.  Extensions  of  the  tooth 
enamel  also  press  the  gums,  causing  irrita- 
tion and  sponginess,  which  favor  the  breaking 
and  entry  of  the  invading  amoebas  into  the 
domicile  of  the  tooth  roots. 

Once  within  the  ramparts,  the  amoebas 
may  be  relied  upon  to  do  the  rest.  They  be- 
gin the  attack  by  digging  microscopic  trenches 
and  spreading  infection,  furnishing,  in  a 
short  time,  a  favorable  ground  for  reinforce- 
ments in  the  form  of  pus-producing  germs, 
the  staphylococci,  and  other  irregulars  in 
this  perennial  war. 

The  campaign  that  these  Huns  and  Visi- 

278 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

goths  conduct  carries  the  tissue  destruction 
and  purulence  deeper  and  deeper,  the  outer 
coverings  of  the  tooth  roots  being  eventually 
destroyed  in  the  siege.  Finally  the  army 
reaches  the  tooth  sockets,  and  attacks  their 
bony  structure.  The  teeth  become  loose,  and 
pressure  causes  pus  to  flow  from  about  the 
roots.  Ultimately  the  suppurative  process 
entirely  destroys  the  attachments  of  the 
teeth.  They  fall  out,  or  else  become  so 
loosened  that  they  can  be  plucked  out  with 
the  fingers. 

The  victim  of  this  invasion  usually  has  no 
knowledge  of  his  condition  until  he  begins  to 
notice  that  the  gums  bleed  freely  on  the  least 
provocation,  when  brushing  the  teeth,  for  in- 
stance, or  when  removing  impacted  particles 
from  between  them.  As  the  condition  de- 
velops, the  gum  is  stripped  away  from  the 
tooth,  destroying  the  sheath  and  alveolar 
process,  the  bony  casing  and  nutrition  cham- 
ber of  the  tooth.     Last  stage  of  all  is  the 

279 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

shrinkage  or  retraction  of  the  gums,  and  the 
final  abdication  of  the  teeth. 

Dentists  and  physicians  have  wrestled  with 
this  almost  universal  problem  of  pyorrhea 
since  the  old  Egyptian  first  penned  his  futile 
prescriptions  in  the  Ebers  Papyrus.  All  sorts 
of  theories  have  been  advanced  to  account  for 
it,  the  most  generally  accepted  being  that  it 
was  of  systemic  origin,  —  either  from  tuber- 
culosis, constitutional  blood  disease,  diabetes, 
Bright's,  or  diminished  alkalinity  of  the  blood. 
Still  other  theorists,  just  as  vehement  and 
every  bit  as  sincere,  held  that  pyorrhea  was 
due  to  a  neglected  state  of  the  exudates,  se- 
cretions, and  debris  of  the  mouth.  They 
insisted  that  there  was  no  systemic  cause 
for  its  development  other  than  what  might 
predispose  to  any  disease,  and  that  it  was 
simply  a  local  inflammation. 

Upon  the  treatment,  however,  almost  all 
dentists  agreed.  This  was  deliberately  to 
ignore   the   sensitive   nerves   of   the   patient, 

280 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

and  scale  all  the  hardened  deposits  from  his 
teeth,  no  matter  how  far  up  or  down  beneath 
the  gum  margin  they  may  have  extended. 
This  gentle  process  was  repeated  as  the 
calcareous  or  other  accretions  reappeared,  or 
as  often  as  the  pyorrhea  demanded  it  or  the 
patient  would  endure  it. 

Six  months  was  considered  a  fair  time  allow- 
ance for  the  chastened  and  well-scraped  victim, 
with  ordinary  diligence,  to  accumulate  another 
deposit.  Then  the  scaling  and  the  polishing 
with  steel  "scalers",  orange-wood  sticks,  and 
pumice  stone,  and  the  burnishing  and  smooth- 
ing of  tooth  surfaces  would  be  repeated. 

It  must  be  admitted  that  this  treatment,  in 

conjunction  with   a  scrupulous  toilet  of  the 

mouth,  has  perhaps  given  better  results  than 

any  other  methods  thus  far  elaborated.     But 

we  were  told  that  we  were  incurable ;    that 

we  must  continue  to  report  for  a  semiannual 

ceremony  of  tooth  scraping  and  polishing  so 

long  as  we  had  a  tooth  to  our  name. 

281 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

All  this  will  be  changed  now.  The  old 
methods  will  be  relegated  to  the  dust-bin  of 
the  things  of  yesterday.  For  when  Doctors 
Barrett  and  Smith  found  the  cause  of 
pyorrhea,  they  found  also  a  cure  for  it.  A 
remedy  exists  that  is  certain  in  its  annihilat- 
ing action  upon  these  amoebas  in  more  than 
eight  cases  out  of  ten. 

This  drug  is  emetine  hydrochloride  an  alka- 
loid derived  from  that  old-fashioned  remedy, 
ipecac,  —  familiar  friend  of  those  departed 
days  when  not  to  have  had  croup,  mumps,  or 
whooping  cough  was  to  invite  social  ostracism. 
Our  knowledge  of  this  Army's  action  as  an 
amoebacide  (a  killer  of  amoebas)  is  based 
upon  the  work  done  some  years  ago  in  Manila, 
Philippine  Islands,  by  Doctor  E.  B.  Vedder 
of  the  United  States  Army.  Doctor  Vedder 
found  that  emetine  was  practically  a  specific 
for  that  form  of  dysentery  which  is  also  pro- 
duced by  an  amoeba,  as  like  the  entamoeba 

buccalis    as    are   two   peas  —  when   they   are 

282 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

alike.  He  successfully  treated  hundreds  of 
cases,  and  his  methods  have  now  for  some  time 
been  in  use  throughout  the  tropical  world. 

So  when  Doctors  Barrett  and  Smith,  examin- 
ing a  group  of  forty-six  victims  of  pyorrhea, 
each  of  whom  had  amoebas  to  spare  in  the  pus 
pockets  of  his  gums,  looked  about  for  some- 
thing to  slay  these  bugs  with,  they  naturally 
thought  of  Vedder  and  his  emetine.  Various 
methods  of  administering  the  drug  were  tried ; 
but  the  hypodermic  finally  gained  the  pref- 
erence. 

A  deep  injection  of  two  cubic  centimeters  of 
a  one  half  per  cent,  solution  of  emetine  hydro- 
chlorid  is  made  into  the  muscle  of  the  upper 
arm  each  day,  for  three  successive  days ; 
alternating  the  arms  to  prevent  undue  irri- 
tation or  itching.  Some  authorities  prefer  to 
use  half-grain  tablets  of  emetine,  dissolved  in 
a  hypodermic  syringe  full  of  water  —  which 
gives    about   the   same   quantity   of   drug   as 

the  ampula  of  solution. 

283 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

This  is  reinforced  by  a  similar  injection 
every  fourth  to  seventh  day,  until  the  gums 
are  entirely  healed,  and  the  teeth  have  been 
tightened  back  into  their  places.  In  addi- 
tion, it  has  been  found  that  the  cure  is 
hastened  if  a  little  of  the  injection  is  forced 
directly  into  the  wall  of  each  gum  pocket. 

In  many  cases  thus  treated  all  pus  disap- 
peared within  twenty-four  hours  after  the 
first  injection.  In  those  cases  receiving 
the  combined  intermuscular  and  local  in- 
jections, active  signs  of  the  disease  were 
cleared  up,  the  tissues  took  an  appearance  of 
youthful  health,  the  teeth  felt  firmer,  and  the 
gums  became  harder  and  tighter. 

The  tendency  to  bleed  stopped  entirely  in 

from  twenty-four  to  forty-eight   hours,   and 

where  only  the  gum  tissue  was  involved,  the 

inflamed  gums  became  normal  in  from  three 

to  ten  days,  — or  apparently  just  as  quickly 

as  Nature  could  finish  the  repair  part  of  the 

job.     Hundreds  of  pyorrhea  cases  have  been 

284 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

completely  cured  since  the  announcement  of 
the  discovery. 

For  home  treatment  in  the  early  stages  of 
Rigg's  disease,  excellent  results  have  followed 
the  local  application  of  emetine  solution 
to  the  gums.  This  is  accomplished  with  a 
movable  tipped  atomizer,  or  by  placing  one  or 
two  drops  of  a  one  half  per  cent,  solution  of 
emetine  hydrochlorid,  or  even  a  few  drops  of 
fluid  extract  of  ipecac,  upon  a  wet  brush, 
and  forcing  the  solution  between  the  teeth, 
at  the  gum  margins.  In  several  instances 
the  amoebas  disappeared,  bleeding  stopped, 
and  the  gums  resumed  their  normal  com- 
plexion within  a  few  days. 

On  account  of  the  widespread  prevalence 
of  pyorrhea,  a  fact  that  cannot  be  too  strongly 
emphasized,  it  might  be  an  excellent  precau- 
tionary measure  to  continue  this  prophylactic 
treatment  indefinitely,  even  after  a  complete 
cure  of  pyorrhea   has  been  effected,   keeping 

a  bottle  of  fluid  extract  of  ipecac,  an  atomizer, 

285 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

or  a  vial  of  emetine  solution,  on  the  bathroom 
shelf  directly  alongside  the  tooth  paste,  for 
this  purpose. 

It  would  be  well  also  to  remember  that 
where  there  is  destruction  of  the  membrane 
covering  the  roots  of  the  teeth,  or  where  the 
gums  have  receded,  this  tissue  has  gone  the 
way  of  all  flesh.  It  cannot  be  entirely  re- 
placed by  any  form  of  treatment.  With  a 
healthy  local  nutrition  taking  the  place  of 
an  active  disease  process  and  pushing  it  com- 
pletely out  of  existence,  some  slight  develop- 
ment of  gums  and  root  covering  may  perhaps 
be  expected ;  but  even  though  this  may  not 
take  place,  be  thankful  that  the  destructive 
process  can  be  arrested. 

It  requires  no  expert  knowledge  to  give  this 
treatment.  Any  capable  and  careful  physi- 
cian or  dentist  can  make  the  injections. 
Personally,  I  should  prefer  a  conscientious 
dentist   to   officiate   in   the   slaughter   of   the 

parasites,    as   he    would   be   qualified    also    to 

286 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

remove  all  tartar  or  other  deposits  from  the 
teeth.  This  thorough  cleaning  and  scaling 
should  be  done  semi-yearly,  in  any  event. 

Pyorrhea  should  not  be  confused  with 
that  condition  in  which  there  are  simply  tar- 
tar deposits  on  the  teeth.  In  pyorrhea  there 
is  usually,  but  not  always,  tartar.  The  tar- 
tar is  merely  the  result  of  a  combination 
of  certain  secretions  of  the  mouth  with 
organic  and  mineral  matters  derived  from  the 
food,  usually  in  the  presence  of  an  excess  of 
acid.  By  keeping  the  mouth  secretions  more 
alkaline,  using  soda,  salt,  or  milk  of  magnesia 
for  that  purpose,  much  of  this  trouble  can 
be  prevented. 

Pyorrhea,  however,  is  a  distinguished  mem- 
ber of  an  entirely  different  breed  of  germs. 
It  requires  specific  treatment  to  banish  this 
baneful  tribe. 

The  cure  of  Rigg's  disease  is,  interestingly 

enough,  only  one  of  the  many  medical  marvels 

that  emetine  accomplishes.     For  instance,  it 

287 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

has  been  known  for  some  time  that  a  complete 
clearing  up  of  many  cases  of  diabetes  and  other 
systemic  conditions  has  followed  the  mechan- 
ical removal  of  all  evidences  of  pyorrhea. 
In  one  case,  reported  by  Doctor  D.  D.  Smith 
of  Philadelphia,  a  man  of  fifty-seven  was 
under  treatment  for  some  time  on  the  usual 
diabetic  diet  and  other  measures,  with  no 
appreciable  results.  Successful  instrumental 
treatment  of  the  pyorrhea  with  no  further 
constitutional  medication,  resulted,  within 
five  months,  in  the  complete  elimination  of 
the  sugar  content.  In  another  case,  treated 
at  the  same  time,  the  results  were  equally  sat- 
isfactory. 

If  science  should  eventually  prove  that 
certain  forms  of  arthritic  rheumatism,  gout, 
and  the  circulatory  and  heart  complications 
that  accompany  these  disorders,  are  due 
primarily  to  the  entamoeba  buccalis,  the  dis- 
covery of  this  germ  and  its  Nemesis  is  even 
more  important  than  is  Erlich's  magnificent 

288 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

achievement  in  perfecting  his  specific  for 
constitutional  disease. 

Quite  recently  several  cures  of  Bright's 
disease  have  been  reported  by  credible  ob- 
servers, resulting  from  the  correction  of  their 
pyorrhea  infection ;  that  is,  they  were  cured 
so  far  as  the  test  tube,  the  microscope,  and 
physical  inspection  were  concerned.  Al- 
bumen and  waxy  casts  disappeared,  and 
dropsy  and  all  other  symptoms  were  cleared 
up.  It  is  too  early  to  enthuse,  perhaps ; 
but  it  is  evident  that  a  strong  note  of  hope 
is  sounded  for  many  sufferers  from  these 
troubles. 

Also,  in  five  out  of  seventeen  cases  of  ex- 
cised tonsils  recently  examined  by  Doctors 
Barrett,  Smith,  and  William  S.  Middleton, 
the  entamoebas  were  found  occupying  re- 
served seats,  and  it  is  thought  that  with  in- 
creased experience  in  the  technic  of  hunting 
for  them,  this  percentage  might  be  materially 

increased.     The    far-reaching    significance    of 

289 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

this  will  appear  when  it  is  remembered  that 
infection  from  the  tonsils  undoubtedly  causes 
some  forms  of  rheumatism,  anemia,  Bright's, 
and  diabetes,  and  that  we  may  now  be  on  the 
trail  of  the  cure  of  these  diseases. 

It  also  seems  quite  likely  that  we  have  dis- 
covered one  more  cause  for  that  complex 
and  sadly  maltreated  condition  known  as 
"stomach  trouble"  ;  for  in  a  number  of  cases 
of  Rigg's  disease  treated  by  Doctor  Barrett 
and  others,  there  has  been  noted,  after  the 
assassination  of  the  pyorrhea  amoebas,  a 
complete  disappearance  of  all  symptoms  of 
stomach  and  intestinal  disorders. 

This  seems  to  indicate  that  the  cure  of  the 
mouth  lesions  had  eradicated  the  bacteria 
and  other  poisons,  the  constant  swallowing 
of  which  may  have  caused  the  alimentary 
organs  to  send  forth  their  wails  of  distress. 

So,  if  you  have  tried  diet  and  digestives, 
lavage,  and  plain  living,  without  quieting  the 
gastric  protests,  it  might  be  worth  while  to 

290 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

have  a  competent  pathologist  take  some  of 
the  secretion  round  the  necks  of  your  teeth, 
add  a  Httle  salt  water  to  it,  and  put  it  under 
a  low-power  microscope.  If  the  entamoeba 
buccalis  is  observed  splashing  around  and  en- 
joying himself,  get  your  physician  or  dentist 
to  give  you  a  course  of  emetine.  It  seldom 
does  any  harm,  —  unless  it  be  to  provoke  a 
a  little  temporary  nausea,  or  to  cause  a  trifling 
local  irritation,  —  and  may  entirely  appease 
the  anger  of  a  long  outraged  digestive  tract. 

Another  grave  condition,  one  cause  of 
which  undoubtedly  originates  in  infection 
derived  from  the  presence  of  amoebas  in  the 
mouth,  is  uremia  (an  excess  of  urea  in  the 
blood).  This  occurs  as  a  result  of  the  con- 
stant swallowing  of  toxins  generated  by 
parasites,  and  of  pus  and  other  effete  prod- 
ucts, which  are  constantly  and  inevitably 
taken  into  the  stomach  because  of  the  in- 
fective condition  of  the  mouth. 

The    belief    is    now    gaining    ground    that 

291 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

anemia  may  be  in  part  due  to  septic  conditions 
in  the  mouth.  If  this  be  true,  as  maintained 
by  Doctor  William  Hunter  and  other  English 
physicians,  our  old  friend  the  entamoeba 
bug  is  undoubtedly  a  large  factor  in  the 
infective  process,  and  may  be  an  accessory 
before  the  fact  in  causing  this  obscure  and 
obstinate  disease. 

In  fact,  this  revolutionary  discovery  of 
Barrett  and  Smith  is  so  far-reaching  in  its 
scope  as  almost  to  take  on  the  aspect  of  a 
mediaeval  miracle.  Even  from  an  economic 
viewpoint,  measurable  in  increased  human 
efficiency,  it  is  worth  millions  of  dollars  to 
the  world. 

As   illustrative   of  the   remarkable   results 

obtained  by  this  treatment,  a  typical  exhibit 

"A"    might    be    presented.       The    case    is 

one   of    a    number   treated   by   my    brother. 

Doctor   A.    T.    Bowers    of   Pittsburgh.     The 

patient,  a  man  of  wealth  and  culture,  spent 

most  of  his  time  in  traveling.     To  his  certain 

292 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

knowledge  he  had  been  afflicted  with  pyorrhea 
for  upward  of  twenty  years,  and  without  his 
knowledge  for  probably  as  many  more. 

He  had  tried  all  known  forms  of  treatment. 
From  Hongkong  to  London,  from  Petrograd 
to  Pittsburgh,  his  pilgrimages  carried  him, 
and  always  he  had  his  pyorrhea  in  mind 
(perhaps  I  should  have  said  the  cure  of  his 
trouble,  as  the  mind,  so  far  as  we  know, 
isn't  pestered  with  pyorrhea). 

The  old  gentleman  was  as  "nervous  as  a 
cat",  and  was  the  chagrined  possessor  of  a 
breath  that  was  indubitably  not  related  to 
the  perfumes  of  Araby  the  blest.  Also  he 
had  that  very  common  condition  known  to 
doctors  as  *' malaise",  but  among  the  laity 
as  "all  in."  This  included  the  ownership  of  a 
sallow  skin,  a  coated  tongue,  and  a  woeful 
lack  of  appetite  and  ambition.  The  impatient 
victim  had  lost  four  or  five  much-prized  teeth, 
his  gums  bled  under  the  slightest  provoca- 
tion or  from  no  provocation  at  all,   and  he 

293 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

could,  If  he  were  so  minded,  shake  every 
tooth  in  his  head.  He  himself  asserted  in 
all  sincerity  that  he  could  wag  his  teeth  pro- 
portionately much  farther  than  he  could  his 
head. 

He  received  three  injections  of  half  a  grain 
each  of  emetine,  part  of  which  was  introduced 
directly  into  the  pockets  at  the  roots  of  the 
teeth.  This  was  followed  by  one  additional 
injection  a  week,  for  four  weeks.  After  the 
second  injection  the  bleeding  stopped.  The 
gums  became  progressively  firmer,  and  now, 
after  six  weeks,  so  far  as  ocular  evidence  is 
concerned,  the  man  is  cured.  The  nervous- 
ness and  "all  in"  feeling  have  been  replaced 
by  a  grip  and  vigor  that  had  been  his  only 
in  pleasant  dreams  for  many  years.  His  di- 
gestion has  improved  notably,  and  if  he  were 
sufficiently  foolish  to  attempt  it,  he  probably 
could  crack  nuts  with  some  of  his  remaining 
teeth. 

But  the  antibleeding  action  of  emetine  on 

294 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

the  gum  fades  into  insignificance  in  compari- 
son with  its  marvelous  power  of  arresting 
dangerous  hemorrhages  from  other  sources. 
The  most  obstinate  cases  of  nosebleed  — ■ 
cases  that  have  resisted  the  action  of  all  styp- 
tics, packing,  tamponing,  or  local  applica- 
tions —  have  been  stopped  almost  instantly 
with  one  injection  of  emetine. 

Immediate  results  follow  its  use  in  the  dis- 
tressing and  dangerous  hemorrhages  of  tuber- 
culosis and  gastric  ulcer,  and  its  action  in 
other  forms  of  bleeding  is  almost  instanta- 
neous. It  is  thought  also  that  the  difficult 
and  delicate  operation  of  blood  transfusion, 
intended  to  check  hemorrhage  in  babies  and 
others  lacking  coagulating  power  in  their 
blood,  will  no  longer  be  necessary.  Instead  of 
risking  the  introduction  of  an  air  bubble  into 
the  child's  veins,  which  might  stop  the  heart's 
action,  or  introducing  particles  of  solid  ma- 
terial, such  as  fibrin,  which  might  lodge  in 
the  small  capillaries  of  the  brain   and  cause 

295 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL    HEALTH 

paralysis,  the  doctor  will  now  need  merely  to 
inject  one  half  or  two-thirds  of  a  grain  of 
emetine  hydrochlorid.  This  does  the  same 
work,  in  a  much  shorter  time,  and  without 
risk.  Also  it  is  interesting  to  know  that 
the  fighting  armies  of  Europe  are  being  sup- 
plied with  these  tablets  to  prevent  or  limit 
bleeding  from  wounds. 

The  credit  for  developing  the  anti- 
hemorrhagic  uses  of  emetine  we  must  share 
with  French  physicians  ;  but  as  to  our  priority 
in  determining  the  cause  of  pyorrhea  and  its 
resultant  diseases  there  can  be  no  question. 

Since  this  discovery  by  Doctors  Barrett 
and  Smith  that  the  chief  cause  of  pyorrhea  is 
a  vegetable  organism,  thousands  of  cases  of 
pyorrhea  have  been  cured,  —  more  than  eight 
in  ten,  as  before  stated. 

Yet  now,   however,   if  the  experiments  of 

Doctor  Barton  Lisle  Wright,  Surgeon  United 

States    Navy,    and    Doctor   Paul   G.    White, 

Dental    Surgeon    United    States    Navy,    are 

296 


MAKING  LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

borne  out  by  additional  favorable  experiences, 
an  even  more  radical  means  of  stamping  out 
Rigg's  disease  has  been  found. 

It  was  pointed  out  that  the  entamoeba, 
by  breaking  down  the  gum  and  bony  tissue, 
sowed  the  ground  for  the  invasion  of  hosts  of 
other  parasitic  bugs  and  plants.  And  that, 
while  emetine  killed  amoebas,  it  had  no  ab- 
solutely specific  action  upon  the  pus-forming 
germs  and  other  busy  bugs  that  gather  for 
the  Lucullian  feast. 

So  there  are  a  certain  number  of  cases  which, 
in  spite  of  emetine  and  thorough  scaling  and 
cleaning  of  the  teeth,  fail  materially  to  im- 
prove. 

But  now.  It  is  confidently  believed  that  we 

can  cure  —  not  eight  out  of  ten  —  but  ten 

out  of  ten,  because  we  have  found  a  drug, 

one  of  the  oldest   and   most   respectable   in 

medicine,  which  not  only  kills  entamoebas,  but 

also,  if  properly  used  and  in  sufiicient  dosage, 

kills  ail  other  vegetable  organisms. 

297 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

This  old  drug  Is  mercury,  which  has  a 
chemical  affinity  for  microscopic  plants, 
and  pays  especial  and  peculiar  attention  to 
putting  these  hors  de  combat,  just  because  of 
this  affinity. 

Doctor  Wright  selected  the  succlnimlde  of 
mercury  In  his  work,  as  larger  doses  of  this 
can  be  injected  than  of  any  other  salt  of 
mercury.  Also,  it  is  readily  soluble,  and 
does  not  cause  much,  if  any,  tissue  change  or 
irritation,  when  properly  injected  into  the 
muscles.  He  was  led  to  undertake  experi- 
ments In  the  treatment  of  Rigg's  disease 
because  of  his  successes  In  tuberculosis, 
pneumonia,  typhoid  fever,  erysipelas,  menin- 
gitis, rheumatic  fever,  and  chronic  rheu- 
matism, mumps,  and  many  other  Infectious 
conditions. 

It  is  Interesting  to  know  that  54.2  of  Doctor 
Wright's  tubercular  cases  were  cured.  Of 
fifteen  cases  of  pneumonia,  thirteen  were 
immediate     cures     following    one     injection. 

298 


MAKING   LOOSE  TEETH  TIGHT 

The  crisis  usually  began  about  seven  hours 
after  the  injection,  although  in  several  cases  the 
crisis  commenced  within  an  hour,  the  lungs 
cleared  within  twelve  hours,  the  sailor  boys 
making  rapid  and  uneventful  recoveries. 

When  I  spoke  with  Doctors  Wright  and 
White,  early  in  the  summer  of  191 5,  they  had 
treated  twenty-eight  consecutive  cases  of  pyor- 
rhea, every  one  of  which  was  cured  in  from 
four  to  forty-one  days.  The  average  length 
of  time  required  to  perfect  a  cure  was  fifteen 
days.  The  largest  number  of  injections  re- 
quired to  cure  the  pyorrhea  was  six;  the 
smallest,  one ;  while  the  average  was  two  and 
seven  tenths. 

Of  these  cases  nine  had  systemic  infection, 

probably  caused  by  the  condition  around  the 

teeth.     Six  of  these  were  chronic  rheumatism  ; 

one   chronic   stomach   trouble ;     one    chronic 

facial  neuralgia ;    and  one  laryngitis.     These 

were   all   cured   of   everything  that  was   the 

matter  with  them  by  curing  their  gums. 

299 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

The  local  treatment  given  by  Doctor  White 
consisted  in  careful  removal  of  deposits  and 
tartar  from  around  the  necks  of  the  teeth, 
extraction  of  utterly  hopeless  teeth  and  roots, 
polishing  of  the  tooth  structure,  and  the 
application  to  the  gums  of  iodine,  aconite, 
and  chloroform. 

Doctor  Wright's  treatment,  it  is  needless 
to  say,  must  be  given  by  a  competent  medical 
man.  For  disagreeable,  painful,  or  even  dan- 
gerous results  may  well  follow  the  adminis- 
tration of  mercury  at  the  hands  of  an  amateur, 
and  where  the  kidneys  are  involved,  the 
treatment  should  not  be  given  at  all. 

So,  it  seems  quite  certain  that  another  big 
advance  in  the  preservation  of  life  and  health 
has  been  made.  And  not  the  least  satisfactory 
part  of  it  —  as  with  the  discoverers  of  the 
original  cure  for  pyorrhea  —  is  that  the  men 
credited  with  it  are  also  brother  Americans. 


300 


I 


CHAPTER  XVII 
The  Quest  of  Beauty 

F  Cleopatra's  nose  had  been  shorter,  it 
would  have  changed  the  history  of  the 
world."  So  concludes  Pascal ;  and,  being 
a  Frenchman  and  a  philosopher,  he  knew. 
It  might  also  be  observed  that  a  hare  lip  or 
a  bald  head  on  Helen  of  Troy  would  have 
made  Homer  pause.  Also  no  mere  man  can 
be  at  his  best  with  a  pair  of  large,  outstand- 
ing ears,  which,  viewed  from  behind,  give 
him  the  appearance  of  a  startled  fawn  or  a 
ferocious  rabbit.  Nor  can  one  be  serene  and 
self-possessed  whose  divergent  eyes  gaze 
rhapsodically  in  a  general  direction  of  east- 
northeast  when  he  is  supposedly  focusing  on 
west-by-sou'west. 

301 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

By  the  appeal  of  the  strong,  symmetrical 
limb,  the  well-developed  body,  the  bright 
eye,  the  clear  complexion,  and  the  undeniable 
aspect  of  vigorous  good  health  that  radiates 
from  a  clear-blooded  man  or  woman,  Nature 
achieves  her  ultimate  object,  —  the  perpet- 
uation of  the  species.  This  is  unquestionably 
the  real,  fundamental  reason  for  a  beauty 
that  influences  us  to  such  a  degree  that  we 
are  prone  even  to  associate  purity  of  mind 
and  of  heart  with  clearness  and  transparency 
of  complexion.  So,  to  become  as  attractive 
as  nature,  art,  and  science  permit  is  a  duty 
we  owe  to  ourselves  and  to  society. 

More  than  this,  beauty,  like  a  banknote, 
has  a  face  value,  both  socially  and  com- 
mercially. It  is  perhaps  the  most  valuable 
asset  of  a  woman ;  for  it  is  only  human 
nature  to  desire  to  be  surrounded  by  beautiful 
things,  and  there  is  no  more  beautiful  thing 
on  earth  than  a  beautiful  woman. 

Therefore,    the    search    for    beauty    being 

302 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

justified,  how  far  is  it  justified  ?  Where  do 
physiological  reason  and  human  skill  leave 
off,  and  foolishness  and  fakery  begin  ?  What 
processes  and  methods  have  scientific  sanction, 
and  which  are  futile,  or  actually  harmful  ? 

This  really  important  matter  has  been 
largely  ignored  by  orthodox  science,  as  un- 
worthy the  profound  consideration  of  be- 
spectacled wisdom.  Enterprises  of  great  pith 
and  moment,  related  to  the  fundamental 
principles  of  increasing  the  sum  total  of 
beauty,  have  thus  been  ignored. 

World-famous  scientists,  who  would  cheer- 
fully spend  a  whole  lifetime  in  a  vain  search 
for  a  germ,  have  thought  it  beneath  the 
dignity  of  their  calling  to  spend  five  minutes 
removing  a  mole.  Neurologists  who  regard 
no  form  of  orthodox  treatment  as  too  labo- 
rious or  expensive  (to  the  patient)  ignore  the 
suggestion  that  a  self-conscious,  morbid  case 
of  squint  eyes,  or  a  hollow-chested,  scrawny- 
necked  neurasthenic  might  derive  more  bene- 

303 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

fit  from  contemplating  a  radical  improvement 
in  his  personal  appearance,  brought  about  by 
a  simple  operation  or  properly  selected  exer- 
cises, than  from  any  amount  of  sedatives  or 
tonics.  The  medical  profession  has  hesitated 
to  admit  that  serenity  of  soul  may  come  to 
patients  from  a  consciousness  that  —  after 
certain  special  treatment  —  their  beauty  may 
be  visible  on  the  outside,  even  if  that  beauty 
be  only  skin  deep. 

But  light  is  breaking,  and  gradually  science 
is  taking  the  correction  of  physical  defects 
and  skin  blemishes  —  those  conditions  which 
might  be  termed  remediable  deformities  — • 
out  of  the  hands  of  the  quack  and  charlatan, 
and  is  giving  them  a  share  of  the  attention 
to  which,  of  right,  they  are  entitled.  It  is 
interesting  to  see  just  how  far  science  has 
gone  in  this  connection,  what  it  indorses,  and 
also  what  it  condemns. 

Time  has  an  unpleasant  fashion  of  etching 
his  imprint  upon  our  classic  features,  until 

304 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

sometimes  they  are  as  an  open  book  to  the 
eyes  of  those  trained  to  read  character  —  or 
lack  of  it  —  in  the  countenance.  Many  of 
these  deep-graven  Hnes  might  have  been 
avoided  had  our  lots  been  cast  in  pleasanter 
places.  Honorable  scars  in  our  battle  with 
Destiny  they  may  be,  but  oftentimes  most 
unsightly. 

The  worst  of  it  is  that  they  always  make 
their  first  appearance  upon  the  face,  where 
they  are  most  in  evidence.  This  is  because 
of  the  mobility  of  the  facial  muscles,  of  the 
larger  part  they  are  called  upon  to  play  in 
expressing  emotions.  That  is  one  reason 
why  the  neck,  shoulders,  and  arms  of  many 
a  woman  of  fifty  could  properly  belong  to  a 
girl  of  eighteen.  If  there  were  nothing  else 
to  justify  decollete  dress,  this  alone  should 
prove  sufficient. 

Of  course  a  woman  who  is  by  nature 
bovinely  placid,  whose  facial  muscles  remain 
perpetually  quiescent  because  she  has  nothing 

305 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

to  express,  is  far  less  likely  to  show  the  erod- 
ing marks  of  thought,  or  sympathy,  or  care, 
than  one  who  has  been  buffeted  by  the 
shocks  of  stressful  life.  To  the  man  who 
understands  how  and  why  these  lines  have 
been  penciled,  these  life-worn  faces  take  on 
merely  added  beauty,  a  beauty  of  the  soul 
and  mind,  which  in  his  eyes  is  not  to  be 
compared  with  mere  smoothness  of  skin,  or 
plumpness  of  the  muscles  that  underlie  it. 

However,  while  we  cannot  check  the  ad- 
vance of  Age,  nor  stay  his  furrowing  hand, 
we  can  refuse  to  be  frumps.  We  can  do 
much  to  render  these  lines  less  obvious.  A 
majority  of  us  look  ten  years  older  than  we 
are  entitled  to  look. 

There  is  a  beauty  that  belongs  to  the  seven 
ages  of  man  —  or  woman.  It  is  a  social 
duty  for  each  of  us  to  achieve  this  particular 
comeliness,  so  far  as  we  can,  and,  having 
achieved  it,  to  hold  on  to  it.  Failing  to  do 
so  oifends  the    artistic    sense    of    everybody. 

306 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

It  is  a  false  note,  a  jarring  discord,  in  the 
harmony  of  social  relationship.  The  discord 
stands  out  in  double-forte,  especially  if  the 
defect  is  correctible. 

The  most  successful  "beauty  specialist" 
in  the  world  is  the  conscientious  family 
physician  who  understands  your  condition, 
and  can  best  remedy  defects  in  the  phys- 
ical machinery ;  for  the  first  and  most  im- 
portant cause  of  beauty  is  good  health.  In 
fact,  true  beauty  can  rarely  be  dissociated 
from  good  health ;  for  a  clear  skin  is  rarely 
found  except  with  a  body  that  functions 
normally. 

Even  without  medical  aid,  if  one  is  careful 
to  establish  perfect  regularity  of  the  natural 
physical  processes,  to  secure  wholesome  food 
in  a  balanced  dietary,  and  to  take  daily 
baths,  one  can  accomplish  wonders  in  bring- 
ing about  this  normal  condition.  Then,  with 
proper  dress,  —  dress  that  favors  free  and 
untrammeled  circulation  of  the  blood  to  all 

307 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

parts  of  the  body,  —  a  pasty  or  disfigured 
complexion  or  a  red  nose  should  clear  up. 
If  it  does  not,  the  advice  of  the  family  phy- 
sician should  be  sought ;  for  any  competent 
medical  man  can  soon  set  things  to  rights  by 
a  course  of  blood  making,  or  alterative  and 
eliminative  treatment,  and  regulation  of  the 
diet.  And  he  isn't  likely  to  charge  nearly  so 
much  for  the  service  as  some  other  varieties 
of  *' beauty  specialists." 

Another  obvious  aid  to  beauty  is  the  per- 
fect condition  of  the  teeth.  In  this  age  of 
practically  painless  dentistry  there  is  no 
excuse  for  men  or  women  inflicting  themselves 
upon  friends  and  fellow  countrymen  without 
a  mouthful  of  pearly  teeth,  —  not  even  if 
the  "pearls"  have  to  be  pried  loose  from  a 
piece  of  black  wax,  and  baked  on  a  red  rubber 
plate,  before  they  can  glorify  an  otherwise 
bereft  face.  There  is  nothing  much  more 
intolerable  than  the  disagreeable  breath  that 
accompanies   decaying  teeth,  or  the  decom- 

308 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

posing  foods  that  incompetent  teeth  fail 
properly  to  prepare  for  digestion. 

These  defects  lie  absolutely  within  the 
power  of  the  dentist  and  the  physician  to 
correct.  For  those  not  able  to  afford  treat- 
ment there  are  now  free  clinics  in  most  large 
cities ;  so  there  is  no  possible  excuse  for 
longer  offending  the  olfactory  and  optic 
nerves. 

Further,  bad  teeth  and  imperfectly  masti- 
cated food  are  the  cause  of  myriads  of  papulae 
and  boils,  as  well  as  of  blotchy  skins  and 
sallow  complexions.  Bad  teeth,  therefore, 
are  responsible  for  much  of  the  lavish 
employment  of  lotions ;  the  most  potent 
curative  effects  of  which,  next  to  the  magic 
of  their  pleasing  colors,  lie  in  their  all-satis- 
fying odor,  their  convincing  expense,  and  the 
unique  or  graceful  shape  of  their  containers. 

The  next  most  obvious  and  easily  erad- 
icated aids  to  ugliness  are  blackheads. 

Among  the  fair  sex  these  enlarged  pores 

309 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

usually  make  their  first  appearance  upon  the 
nose.  The  reason  is  clear ;  for  these  areas 
receive  most  attention  from  the  powder 
puff.  After  the  pores  are  nicely  dilated  from 
the  action  of  a  hot  bath,  it  is  very  easy  to 
fill  them  full  of  powder,  if  one  is  persevering 
and  diligent.  This,  of  course,  prevents  the 
escape  of  impurities,  and  after  being  prop- 
erly colored  by  dirt  they  form  what  we  know 
as  blackheads. 

The  cure  is  a  comparatively  simple  mat- 
ter ;  although  it  may  take  some  time.  First, 
stop  using  powder ;  then  soak  the  nose  in 
a  hot  cloth,  thoroughly  dilating  the  pores. 
If  the  skin  is  very  thick,  the  blackheads 
should  be  radically  removed  with  a  special 
instrument  devised  for  this  purpose.  Next, 
wash  the  parts  thoroughly  and  carefully 
with  a  bland  soap,  preferably  of  vegetable 
oils,  using  a  camel's  hair  face  brush  and 
rinsing  with  hot  water. 

Then  "iron"  all  the  pores  into  a  state  of 

310 


THE   QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

tonic  contraction  with  a  small  piece  of  ice, 
and  keep  them  so  contracted  by  applications 
of  witch  hazel.  And  give  them  a  fighting 
chance  to  keep  themselves  clean  by  refrain- 
ing from  further  blocking  their  orifices.  Thus 
will  you  and  blackheads  have  parted  com- 
pany. 

Next  we  have  the  telltale  tracery  of  wrin- 
kles. The  actual  cause  of  wrinkles  is  of 
course  the  gradual  loss  of  fatty  tissue  in  the 
layers  that  pad  the  muscles,  together  with 
a  hardening  or  actual  shrinking  of  these 
muscles,  and  a  loss  of  elasticity  in  the  skin 
stretched  over  them.  These  evidences  of 
age  are  certain  to  manifest  themselves  sooner 
or  later.  It  is  merely  a  question  of  living 
long  enough  to  give  them  a  chance. 

But,  many  eminent  authorities  to  the 
contrary  notwithstanding,  a  perceptible  de- 
gree of  local  nutrition  can  be  influenced 
by  careful  massage  over  the  wrinkled  surface 
with   some  preparation  having  a   lanolin  or 

311 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

other  fatty  base.  Cocoa  butter,  on  account 
of  its  stimulating  effect  upon  the  hair  glands, 
and  the  darkening  of  the  skin  that  follows 
its  use,  should  not  be  used  on  the  face. 

Care  should  be  observed  to  stroke  always 
in  a  direction  longitudinal  to  the  muscles 
underneath.  Or,  better  still,  use  a  rotary 
movement,  under  very  mild  pressure,  or 
else  resort  to  gentle  pinching  and  patting 
of  the  skin  and  muscles.  This  last  is  perhaps 
the  safest  method  for  amateur  use.  The 
principle  consists  in  stimulating  the  local 
circulation  of  blood  in  the  parts,  thereby 
favoring  nutrition  of  the  tissues  lying  under- 
neath. 

In  this  connection  it  might  be  well  to  re- 
member that  in  no  branch  of  the  business  of 
becoming  beautiful  is  there  more  chance  of 
making  a  bad  matter  worse  than  by  wrongly 
applied  or  injudicious  methods  of  massage. 
More    actual    harm    may    follow    fifteen    or 

twenty  minutes'  violent  pulling  and  hauling 

312 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

than  weeks  of  expert  treatment  can  correct. 
Those  who  attempt  home  treatment  should 
learn  the  proper  methods  by  observing  some 
expert,  noting  the  degrees  of  pressure  and 
the  direction  of  the  stroke ;  or  they  should 
familiarize  themselves  with  the  anatomy  of 
the  facial  muscles,  providing  themselves  with 
an  elementary  textbook  or  a  chart  for  this 
purpose.  For  it  may  work  actual  injury  in 
these  conditions  to  attempt  to  operate  by 
mere  rule  of  thumb. 

Not  so  commendable  is  that  method  of 
wrinkle  removal  which  consists  in  taking 
hide  and  hair  off  the  martyr  worshiping  at 
the  shrine  of  Beauty.  This  is  accomplished 
usually  by  means  of  a  caustic  paste  that 
"kills"  the  superficial  tissue.  Combinations 
of  mercury  and  egg  albumen,  or  caustic  acids 
or  alkalies,  are  generally  employed  for  this 
purpose,  and  some  very  disagreeable  burns 
and  scars  have  been  inflicted  by  their  agency. 
And,  to  pile  Ossa  upon  Pelion,  the  sufferer 

313 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

almost  invariably  retains  her  original  col- 
lection of  wrinkles. 

The  " encorchment  treatment",  so  called, 
has  been  employed  with  more  or  less  success 
for  wrinkles ;  although  its  chief  use  by 
"beauty  specialists"  is  in  the  removal  of 
facial  blemishes,  birthmarks,  freckles,  liver 
spots,  and  sundry  other  nondecorative  con- 
ditions. 

This  treatment  is  far  more  efficacious  than 
the  "iodine  plaster"  formerly  employed,  and 
is  much  safer.  It  is  also  more  readily  ap- 
plied and  removed.  The  treatment  consists 
of  a  number  of  very  active  drugs  which  are 
plastered  in  little  squares  of  surgeons'  gauze 
over  the  surface  intended  to  be  beautiful  — 
beautified  at  any  cost.  After  several  days 
the  pieces  can  be  picked  off,  taking  what  re- 
mains of  the  old  skin  with  them. 

The  new  surface  will  be  found  to  present 
a  very  fine  imitation  of  baby's  skin  —  for  a 
time.     If  the  treatment  is  allowed  to  remain 

314 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

on  too  long,  abscesses  and  ulcers  are  likely 
to  appear,  and  the  heroine's  last  estate  may 
be  infinitely  worse  than  her  first. 

That  method  of  wrinkle  eradication 
known  as  "enameling"  or  "rejuvenating" 
may  well  be  shunned  as  a  delusion  and  a 
sophistical  snare.  This  consists  in  painting 
the  face  with  whites  of  eggs  in  which  certain 
chemicals  are  incorporated,  and  permitting 
the  mixture  to  dry  on.  Several  coats  of  this 
"beautifier"  are  applied,  and  after  the  last 
one  the  lady  is  in  possession  of  a  set  of  fea- 
tures that  have  all  the  animation,  mobility, 
and  expression  of  a  turnip. 
,  It  is  hardly  necessary  to  say  that  the  en- 
amel cracks  off  in  the  course  of  a  few  days, 
leaving  the  face  even  more  rugged  and  un- 
refined than  it  was  in  the  first  place;  for 
the  natural  function  of  the  sweat  glands  has 
been  inhibited,  and  anything  that  destroys 
normal  functioning  is  a  splendid  thing  to 
avoid. 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

"Face  steaming"  is  another  reprehensible 
method  employed  in  the  attempt  to  banish 
wrinkles.  For  a  short  period,  —  say  during 
a  sixteen-course  dinner  party,  —  the  steamed 
face  may  appear  plump  and  rejuvenated, 
because  a  certain  amount  of  local  reaction 
follows  the  steaming  process.  But  the  piti- 
less hand  mirror  and  the  "cold  gray  dawn  of 
the  morning  after"  combine  to  disillusion 
the  woman  who  is  addicted  to  the  pernicious 
practice  of  face  steaming.  As  a  general 
proposition  it  might  be  safe  to  say  that  the 
oftener  and  more  thoroughly  wrinkles  are 
steamed,  the  deeper  and  more  obvious  they 
will  become. 

In  this  form  of  incantation  the  face  is  lib- 
erally greased,  then  bathed  with  "medi- 
cated" steam,  the  "medication"  consisting 
of  something  to  give  the  steam  a  pleasant 
odor.  This  opens  the  pores,  and  permits  all 
the  sweat-gland  secretions  to  escape ;  which 
perhaps   might  be  well   enough   but  for  the 

316 


THE   QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

fact  that  the  natural  oil,  so  essential  for  the 
nourishment  of  the  skin,  escapes  at  the  same 
time. 

Excessive  steaming  weakens  the  secretory- 
functions  of  the  glands  of  the  skin,  and  also 
has  a  tendency  to  leave  the  skin  dry  and 
coarse.  It  does  the  very  thing  it  is  supposed 
to  prevent,  —  it  makes  four  wrinkles  grow 
where  before  there  was  only  one,  and  a 
suspicion  of  a  few  others. 

Those  little  skin-thickened  tumors  known 
as  warts  constitute  another  gift  that  hu- 
manity, especially  the  feminine  part  of  it, 
can  very  well  do  without.  Any  physician 
can  burn  these  off  painlessly  and  effectually 
by  the  use  of  the  electric  needle,  a  freezing 
spray  of  ethyl  chloride,  or  some  cauterizing 
agent.  So  one  doesn't  have  to  keep  them 
unless  one  chooses  to.  And  there  certainly 
is  no  good  reason  for  being  and  remaining 
any  uglier  than  Nature  and  Science  intended. 

The   common   or   domestic   mole,   with   or 

317 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

without  hair,  can  be  driven  from  the  prem- 
ises by  the  same  gentle  means  that  are  em- 
ployed so  successfully  with  warts.  Perhaps 
electrolysis  is  the  most  popular  and  effective 
form  of  treatment  for  moles,  and  in  the  hands 
of  an  expert  it  leaves  very  little  scar  tissue. 

Even  better,  in  that  the  remaining  scar  is 
hardly  perceptible,  is  the  treatment  of  all 
these  various  growths  with  "carbonic  snow" 
(frozen  carbon  dioxide).  Most  skin  special- 
ists now  employ  this  in  preference  to  any 
other  method  in  removing  growths  and  skin 
defects.  Applications  of  the  carbon  dioxide 
snow  are  painless ;  in  fact  the  principle  of 
intense  cold  is  utilized  to  produce  local  anes- 
thesia, and  the  resulting  sloughing  and  heal- 
ing are  likely  to  be  rapid. 

Those  bluish  discolorations  known  as  nsevi 
usually  respond  to  treatment  by  carbonic 
snow.  If  this  fails,  however,  catgut  sutures 
may  be  introduced  under  the  skin  at  their 
base,  taking  several  sittings  for  this  purpose. 

318 


THE   QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

These  close  off  the  circulation,  as  well  as  the 
color  deposit,  and  in  time  the  growth  dies  of 
starvation,  and  is  replaced  by  healthy,  color- 
less tissue. 

For  women  afflicted  with  a  more  or  less 
disfiguring  growth  of  hair  on  the  face  there 
is  a  large  ray  of  hope  in  the  electric  needle, 
but  not  much  hope  of  permanent  results 
from  any  local  application  of  so-called  depil- 
atories. While  barium,  strontium  sulphide, 
and  other  hair-destroying  agents  corrode  the 
hair,  so  that  it  can  be  scraped  off  with  a 
blunt  paper  knife,  it  cannot  be  kept  off  per- 
manently by  these  means  ;  for  the  hair  fol- 
licle, the  little  bulb  that  makes  hair  possible, 
is  not  killed. 

But  if  the  fair  one  adorned  with  super- 
fluous hair  has  the  courage  to  permit  the 
rather  painful  and  tedious  process  of  insert- 
ing an  electric  needle  into  each  hair  root,  — 
a  process,  by  the  way,  that  requires 
considerable  skill  and  technical  dexterity,  — 

319 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

all  these  hair  bulbs  can  be  destroyed  abso- 
lutely. It  requires  time  and  considerable 
determination,  but  it  can  be  accomplished. 

It  might  be  mentioned  in  passing  that  under 
nitrous  oxide  and  oxygen  analgesia,  which  pre- 
vents pain  without  producing  unconscious- 
ness, this  process  can  be  rendered  painless. 

Disfiguring  scars,  caused  by  burns,  wounds, 
or  cuts,  can  frequently  be  removed  by  dis- 
secting away  the  scar  tissue,  after  which  the 
bordering  skin  can  be  stretched  over  the  de- 
nuded surface,  and  the  edges  sutured  together. 
It  is  surprising  and  very  gratifying  to  find 
what  an  amount  of  ''stretch"  there  is  in  a 
healthy  skin,  especially  if  it  isn't  too  old. 

With  the  expense  of  these  various  meth- 
ods and  procedures  we  are  not  here  con- 
cerned. A  thing  is  really  cheap  at  any  price 
that  transforms  unattractiveness  into  at- 
tractiveness. Competition  and  the  law  of 
supply  and  demand  may  be  relied  upon  to 

regulate  charges.     If  a  woman  wishes  to  be 

320 


THE  QUEST  OF   BEAUTY 

robbed  in  de  luxe  style,  she  will  no  doubt 
find  ample  opportunity.  If,  on  the  con- 
trary, she  recognizes  that  bad  teeth,  bad 
skin,  and  lusterless  hair  are  wrapped  up  in 
bad  health,  she  will  begin  by  attending  to 
her  teeth  and  health.  She  will  realize  that 
her  fight  against  advancing  years,  skin 
blotches,  and  unsightly  conditions  really  be- 
gan in  earnest  when  she  first  began  to  diet, 
—  when  she  sacrificed  the  seductive  chocolate 
cream,  and  tabooed  the  pie. 

However,  after  the  dentist  and  the  family 
physician  have  done  their  utmost,  if  any- 
thing yet  remains,  a  "beauty  expert",  who  is 
really  what  he  claims  to  be,  may  be  sought. 
For  there  are  conscientious  beauty  specialists 
who  are  capable  and  honest,  and  there  are 
others  who  should  be  in  the  penitentiary. 

Remember  that  a  considerable  amount  of 
beauty  may  be  cultivated ;  for  beauty  is  not 
entirely  an  accidental  gift  of  Nature.  Fre- 
quently  it   is   sought  with   a   club,    waylaid, 

321 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

and  annexed  as  a  tribute  to  perseverance.  And 
when  this  is  accompanied  by  glowing  health, 
sparkling  eyes,  and  rich  red  blood  it  looks  just 
like  the  kind  that  poets  rave  about. 

Heretofore  ''cosmetic  surgery"  has  re- 
mained almost  exclusively  in  the  hands  of 
irregular  practitioners ;  but  all  signs  indi- 
cate that  this  form  of  surgical  advance  will 
soon  become  a  part  of  regular  medicine. 

So  we  have  seen  that,  while  there  is  much 
to  be  avoided  in  the  quest  for  beauty,  there 
is  also  much  that  is  scientific,  justifiable, 
and  commendable.  And,  even  though  it 
should  entail  a  little  expense  and  trouble, 
beauty  is  always  rewarded,  even  if  by  noth- 
ing else  than  itself. 

Heaven  knows  there  are  few  enough  of  us 
who  dare  look  a  mirror  in  the  eye  without  a 
blush  of  apology  !  If  there  exists  any  legiti- 
mate means  of  increasing  that  number,  in 
fair  Aphrodite's  name  let  us  exert  ourselves 

to  that  end  ! 

322 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

Push  the  Health  Button 

WE  grind  and  grit  our  teeth  during 
paroxysms  of  pain.  When  we  bump 
our  shins  against  a  rocking-chair  that  has 
taken  point  of  vantage  directly  in  our  path, 
immediately  we  clasp  the  offended  shin. 

In  the  days  before  the  blessed  era  of  ni- 
trous-oxide and  local  anesthetics,  when  the 
muscular  dentist  leaned  toward  the  door  with 
our  pet  tooth  in  the  firm  embrace  of  shiny 
forceps,  we  helped  him  to  the  utmost  by 
gripping  the  arms  of  the  chair  with  vise-like 
clutch.  This  manoeuvre  seemingly  had  no 
more  connection  with  tooth  extraction  than 
have  the  effulgent  rays  of  the   moon   upon 

323 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

the  pumpkin  crop.  But  we  felt  our  duty, 
and  we  did  it. 

When  fury  and  anger  sweep  us  in  their  red 
flame,  and  gentle,  familiar  aspects  of  nature 
take  on  the  hue  of  blood,  we  clench  our 
fists  until  the  nails  are  driven  deep  into  the 
flesh.  In  the  first  shock  of  the  agony  of 
bereavement,  or  during  those  cruel  dragging 
hours  when  we  are  adjusting  ourselves  to 
living  with  our  hearts  torn  asunder,  we 
clasp  our  hands  in  frenzy.  For  ages  we  have 
been  doing  these  things  because  they  are 
natural  and  apparently  inevitable.  We  did 
them  automatically,  without  knowing  why. 

Now,  however.  Doctor  William  H.  Fitz- 
Gerald,  of  Hartford,  Connecticut,  maintains 
that  these  actions  are  not  only  instinctive 
but  scientific.  He  contends  they  produce  a 
form  of  analgesia  somewhat  similar  to  that 
which  follows  the  injection  of  water  or  some 
anesthetic  solution  into  a  nerve. 

Doctor   FitzGerald's   position   is   one   that 

324 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

commands  respect.  He  is  a  graduate  of  the 
University  of  Vermont,  and  spent  two  and 
a  half  years  in  the  Boston  City  Hospital. 
He  served  two  years  in  the  Central  London 
Nose  and  Throat  Hospital.  For  a  like  period 
he  was  in  Vienna,  where  he  was  assistant  to 
Professor  Politzer  and  Professor  Otto  Chiari, 
who  are  known  wherever  medical  textbooks 
are  read. 

For  several  years  Doctor  FitzGerald  has 
been  the  head  of  the  nose  and  throat  depart- 
ment of  St.  Francis  Hospital  in  Hartford. 
He  is  an  active  member  of  most  of  the 
American  medical  societies,  and  is  recognized 
as  one  of  the  great  throat  and  nose  surgeons 
in  this  country. 

Doctor  FitzGerald  doesn't  advance  any 
theories  explaining  his  discoveries.  He  deals 
only  with  facts.  Accident  disclosed  that 
pressure  on  a  certain  spot  in  the  nostril 
gave  practically  the  same  result  as  the  use  of 
cocaine.     This  was  six  years  ago.     He  began 

325 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

experimenting,  and  found  there  were  many 
spots  in  the  nose,  mouth,  throat,  and  on  the 
tongue  which,  when  pressed  firmly,  deadened 
certain  areas  to  sensation.  This  nerve  pres- 
sure isn't  infallible.  Doctor  FitzGerald  has 
found  that  nerve  pressure  will  obliterate  pain 
in  about  sixty-five  per  cent,  of  cases,  while 
it  will  deaden  pain  in  about  eighty  per  cent. 

In  the  hands  of  others  who  have  tried  nerve 
pressure  the  percentage  often  is  much  lower, 
because  they  haven't  learned  how  to  apply 
it.  The  foci  are  no  larger  than  the  head  of 
a  match.  If  the  operator  doesn't  hit  them, 
he  misses  them  completely,  and  also  misses 
results. 

Doctor  FitzGerald  also  found  that  any 
pressure  which  tended  to  relieve  pain  tended 
to  remove  its  cause  as  well,  no  matter  where 
this  cause  originates. 

Now,   it  is   agreed  by  most  physicians  — 

and  by  all  members  of  the  Hay  Fever  Society 

—  that  hay  fever  is  incurable.     Yet  the  dis- 

326 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

coverer  of  the  health  push  buttons  can't 
remember  how  many  cases  of  hay  fever  he 
has  treated.  And  it  is  not  of  record  that  the 
treatment,  either  in  his  hands,  or  in  those  of 
any  other  who  knows  how  to  use  it,  has  failed. 

The  treatment  is  simple  enough,  —  merely 
the  forcible  stretching  of  the  soft  palate  in 
the  back  of  the  roof  of  the  mouth  and  those 
contracted  parts  of  the  nasal  passage  where 
the  throat  begins  and  the  nose  ends ;  to- 
gether with  pressure  with  a  probe  upon 
different  areas  of  the  nose,  tongue,  and  on 
the  wall  of  the  pharynx. 

The  wearing  of  tight  rubber  bands  upon 
the  thumb,  first  and  second  fingers  for  ten 
or  fifteen  minutes,  repeated  several  times 
daily,  also  seems  materially  to  help. 

While  it  requires  a  physician  familiar  with 
the  foci  to  determine  the  proper  ones  to 
press,  a  tongue-depressor  which  covers  the 
center  of  the  tongue  will  give  temporary  re- 
lief, if  pressed  down  firmly  for  three  minutes. 

327 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

It  should  be  emphasized  that  any  abnormal 
condition  of  the  nose  must  be  corrected 
before  hay-fever  can  be  permanently  cured. 
Doctor  FitzGerald  contends  that  among  all 
the  hundreds  of  hay-fever  victims  that  have 
come  under  his  care,  not  one  had  an  absolutely 
normal  nose.  Invariably  there  have  been 
bony  spurs,  protruding  turbinates,  deviated 
or  twisted  cartilages,  or  else  an  inflamed 
mucous  membrane  lining. 
I  In  hoarseness,  huskiness,  or  in  loss  of  voice 
due  to  strain  (as  clergyman's  sore  throat), 
firm  pressures  on  the  floor  of  the  mouth, 
beneath  the  tongue,  in  addition  to  pressure 
on  the  tongue  with  a  tongue  depressor,  have 
afforded  splendid  results. 

In  certain  forms  of  deafness  the  FitzGerald 
method  has  been  very  successful.  Doctor 
FitzGerald  has  restored  a  very  fair  degree 
of  hearing  to  many  pronounced  by  competent 
aurists  absolutely  incurable.  Pressure  is  ex- 
erted with   a   curved   probe    on    the    gums, 

328 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

between  the  wisdom  tooth  and  the  angle  of 
the  jaw,  on  the  side  affected. 

One  of  the  most  interesting  cases  was  that 
of  a  young  soprano,  member  of  a  leading 
Hartford  church  choir.  This  lady  suffered 
a  progressive  loss  in  hearing,  which  finally 
became  so  pronounced  as  to  make  it  almost 
impossible  for  her  to  "sing  on  the  pitch", 
or  to  harmonize  with  either  the  organ  or  the 
other  quartette  members. 

Firm  pressures  were  made,  supplemented 
by  "home  treatment."  This  consisted  in 
"tucking"  a  large  wad  of  surgeon's  gauze  in 
the  space  back  of  the  wisdom  tooth,  and 
biting  forcibly  upon  it,  repeating  the  pro- 
cedure several  times  daily,  especially  before 
singing  or  rehearsing.  In  a  few  weeks  this 
girl  had  completely  recovered  her  hearing, 
and  was  able  to  accept  an  engagement  with 
a  traveling  concert  company.  This  is  but 
one  of  thirty  or  forty  cases  in  which  the 
results  have  been  equally  remarkable. 

329 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

Painful  conditions  peculiar  to  women,  in 
many  instances,  yield  magically  to  the  potent 
pressure  of  the  probe.  In  this  connection  I 
might  suggest  the  following  experiment : 
Take  a  tablespoon,  place  the  point  of  the 
handle  on  a  spot  three-quarters  way  back  and 
on  the  median  line  of  the  tongue ;  press 
firmly,  and  hold  for  a  minute ;  relax,  and 
reapply  pressure,  at  the  same  time  turning 
the  spoon  from  side  to  side  to  emphasize  the 
point  of  focus.  Then  pass  the  spoon  farther 
back,  and  press  gently  on  the  posterior  wall 
of  the  pharynx.  Methods  similar  to  this 
relieved  many  scores  of  cases.  And  the 
comforting  factor  in  all  this  practice  is  that 
patients  are  usually  better  the  next  morning 
than  they  are  even  after  a  most  successful 
treatment. 

Headaches  and  neuralgias  of  purely 
nervous  origin  and  not  due  to  autointoxi- 
cation, or  some  specific  organic  cause,  after 
pressure  on  the  roof  of  the  mouth,  subside 

330 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

in  a  few  moments.  Many  of  Doctor  Fitz- 
Gerald's  patients  cure  their  own  and  their 
relatives'  headaches  by  firmly  pressing  the 
thumb  against  the  hard  palate,  varying  the 
points  of  pressure  from  the  roots  of  the  teeth 
to  the  junction  of  the  hard  and  soft  palates, 
depending  on  the  location  of  the  pain. 

Some  extraordinary  cures  have  been  re- 
ported in  rheumatism  and  lumbago  by  press- 
ing the  teeth  of  aluminum  combs  over  the  fin- 
gers and  wrists,  using  the  palms  of  the  hands 
for  the  back,  and  the  backs  of  the  hands  for  the 
front  of  the  body.  The  operator  commences 
with  the  tips  of  the  fingers,  making  deep  and 
rather  painful  pressures,  and  gradually  works 
up  the  fingers  to  the  wrist,  consuming,  in  all, 
from  ten  to  twenty  minutes  in  the  operation. 
Patients  who  have  come  to  the  office  '*all 
doubled  up",  straighten  out,  and  after  two 
or  three  of  these  treatments,  wend  their 
homeward  way  rejoicing. 

Nerve  pressure  has   accomplished  remark- 

331 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

able  results  with  goiter.  This  swelling  in  the 
neck  results  from  some  abnormality  of  the 
thyroid  gland.  To  relieve  the  feeling  of 
suffocation,  the  rapid  heart  action,  and  the 
distressing  nervous  symptoms  of  goiter, 
Doctor  FitzGerald  experimented  with  nerve 
pressure.  He  applied  a  probe  to  the  back 
wall  of  the  pharynx,  passing  it  through  the 
nostril.  To  his  surprise  he  found  that  not 
only  was  discomfort  lessened,  but  the  nervous 
symptoms  and  the  swelling  began  to  decrease. 

In  the  past  fifteen  months  Doctor  Fitz- 
Gerald has  treated  twenty-one  cases  of  goiter, 
many  of  them  of  the  exophthalmic  variety, 
which  means  protruding  eyeballs,  heart 
symptoms,  and  most  unsightly  swelling. 
Twelve  have  been  discharged  as  cured, 
while  eight  others  are  on  the  high  road  to 
recovery.  The  tape  measure  showed  that 
in  some  the  swelling  decreased  three  inches 
in  as  many  weeks. 

In  treating  these  cases  a  thin  probe,  the 

332 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

point  of  which  is  wrapped  in  cotton  dipped 
in  a  little  camphor  water  (this  seems  to 
increase  the  "impulse")  is  passed  through 
the  nostrils  to  the  posterior  wall  of  the  phar- 
ynx. Pressure  is  made  until  a  definite  sen- 
sation is  felt  in  the  region  of  the  goiter. 
Sometimes  this  is  "metallic."  Or  it  may 
be  a  sensation  of  cold,  or  tickling,  or  like  an 
electric  current,  or  else  a  mild  pain. 

This  pressure  is  then  held  for  several 
minutes  —  repeated  three  or  four  times  daily. 
In  addition,  pressures  may  be  made  upon 
the  joints  of  the  thumb,  first  and  second 
fingers.  Or  a  moderately  tight  rubber  band 
may  be  worn  upon  these  fingers  for  ten  or 
fifteen  minutes,  three  or  four  times  daily. 

Of  the  twenty-one  cases  Doctor  FitzGerald 
treated  one  proved  intractable.  She  was 
sent  to  a  gynecologist,  who  found  she  was 
suffering  from  a  large  tumor  in  the  same 
zone  as  the  goiter. 

This  case  and  many  experiments  seem  to 

333 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

support  Doctor  FitzGerald's  contention  that 
the  human  body  has  independent  nerve  zones, 
and  that  pressure  upon  the  centers  controlling 
these  areas  affects  abnormal  conditions  in 
every  part  of  the  particular  zone. 

The  Hartford  physician  divides  the  body 
into  ten  perpendicular  zones,  including  the 
line  running  up  the  middle  of  the  body,  and 
these  zones  correspond  to  the  fingers  of  the 
hand,  or  the  toes.  One  using  his  method 
must  know  which  hand  or  foot  to  press,  and 
how,  in  order  to  get  a  definite  result. 

If  the  first  joint  of  the  thumb  is  pressed 
firmly  and  steadily  for  three  minutes,  it  will 
relieve  and  favorably  influence  pain  in  the 
stomach,  the  chest,  the  front  teeth,  the  nose, 
the  great  toe,  as  well  as  everything  else  in  this 
zone.  But  it  will  not  have  the  slightest 
influence  upon  the  tonsils,  the  liver,  or  the 
spleen ;  for  they  are  in  the  fourth  and  fifth 
zones,  and  to  affect  them  it  is  necessary  to 
make  pressure  upon  the  fourth  or  fifth  finger. 

334 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

Furthermore,  pressure  on  the  right  hand  will 
not  have  any  effect  on  the  left  half  of  the 
body. 

It  makes  a  difference,  too,  whether  the 
upper  and  lower  or  the  side  surfaces  of  the 
joint  are  pressed.  A  physician  experiment- 
ing" with  the  method  was  ready  to  condemn 
it  because  he  was  unable  to  relieve  a  patient 
who  complained  of  rheumatic  pains  which 
seemed  to  center  on  the  outer  side  of  the 
ankle  bone.  The  doctor  grasped  the  second 
joint  of  the  patient's  right  little  finger  and 
pressed  firmly  for  a  minute  on  the  top  and 
bottom  of  the  joint.  The  pain  persisted,  and 
the  doctor  jeered  at  the  method. 

A  disciple  of  Doctor  FitzGerald  smiled 
and  suggested  that  the  doctor  press  the  sides 
of  the  finger,  instead  of  the  top  and  bottom. 
This  was  done,  and  the  pain  disappeared  in 
two  minutes. 

In  the  pursuit  of  his  own  specialty  Doctor 
FitzGerald   found   that   the   teeth   played   a 

33S 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

highly  important  part,  as  decay  in  them 
evilly  affected  the  throat,  particularly  the 
tonsils,  and  had  an  especially  vicious  effect 
upon  goiter.  He  declares  he  never  has  seen 
a  case  of  goiter  in  which  there  was  not  some- 
thing wrong  with  the  teeth. 

As  a  means  of  diagnosis,  physicians  familiar 
with  zone-therapy  consider  it  almost  invalu- 
able. If  a  patient  complains  of  pain,  the 
origin  of  which  seems  obscure,  these  physi- 
cians assure  themselves  first,  that  it  does  not 
arise  from  eye  trouble.  If  then  the  nose 
and  throat  are  clear,  and  the  dental  expert 
reports  that  the  teeth  are  sound,  the  doctors 
know  that  they  must  look  elsewhere  through 
the  zone  involved  for  the  source  of  trouble. 

The  Hartford  doctor  believes  we  should 
strive  to  keep  all  our  original  teeth  to  preserve 
the  continuity,  if  it  may  be  so  termed,  of 
our  various  nerve  zones.  Sound,  healthy 
teeth  and  roots,  in  their  proper  occlusion, 
seem  to  assist  in  the  normal  functioning  of 

336 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

the  entire  zone  chain,  of  which  they  are 
important  links.  For  in  several  instances, 
chronic  frontal  headaches  in  children  have 
been  cured  by  correcting  faulty  occlusion  of 
the  front  teeth  by  that  branch  of  dentistry 
known  as  "Orthodontia."  When  after  sev- 
eral months'  treatment,  the  teeth  were  re- 
stored to  their  normal  alignment,  and  con- 
tinuity of  the  nerve  zone  was  reestablished, 
the  headaches  cleared  up,  and  there  has  been 
no  return  of  them. 

Excellent  results  have  been  reported  from 
the  use  of  zone-therapy  in  dentistry,  but  in 
this  article  we  can  deal  only  with  the  use  of 
the  principle  in  medical  conditions. 

Last  June  the  New  Hampshire  Dental 
Society  held  a  convention  at  Weirs,  on  Lake 
Winnepesaukee.  One  of  the  residents  of 
the  summer  colony  was  brought  before  the 
convention  on  the  evening  of  June  23.  Her 
serious  condition  baffled  the  local  physicians. 
It  was  hoped  that  among  the  two  hundred 

337 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

scientific  men,  gathered  there  from  all  parts 
of  the  East,  some  might  be  found  who  could 
help  her. 

She  was  a  woman  about  thirty-five  years 
old,  well  nourished  and  apparently  healthy, 
apart  from  a  large  swelling  in  the  front  of 
the  neck.  Manifestly  the  thyroid  and  other 
glands  had  become  enlarged  through  some 
unknown  inflammatory  cause.  She  was  suf- 
fering great  pain.  The  slightest  touch  caused 
agony.  Swallowing  was  impossible.  Not 
even  a  drop  of  water  had  passed  down  her 
throat  since  the  preceding  Friday  night. 
This  was  Wednesday  night. 

A  healthy  human  being  can  exist  from 
seven  to  ten  days  without  water.  This 
woman  had  been  without  water  for  five  days, 
suffering  mental  and  physical  torture.  Her 
physician  insisted,  as  the  only  means  of 
saving  her  life,  that  an  operation  be  per- 
formed at  once.  The  half  dozen  or  more 
physicians  who  had  been  called  in  consulta- 

338 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

tion  concurred  in  this.  There  was  nothing 
left  but  to  perform  an  intubation  —  the 
insertion  of  a  tube  in  the  gullet,  through 
which  water  and  food  might  be  passed  — 
pending  some  possible  measure  of  relief. 

The  heart  was  racing  along  at  one  hundred 
and  fifty  beats  a  minute,  and  there  were  all 
the  peculiar  symptoms  usually  associated  with 
thyroid  disturbances.  Inasmuch  as  the  whole 
trouble  had  developed  in  a  week,  it  was  most 
unlikely  that  the  condition  was  goitrous. 

As  it  was  probable  that  the  trouble  was 
associated  with  the  thyroid,  a  physician 
present  decided  to  try  the  FitzGerald  treat- 
ment, because  it  could  be  applied  instantly, 
and  promised  immediate  results  if  successful. 

Calling  one  of  the  dentists  to  make  strong 
pressure  over  the  first  joint  of  one  thumb, 
the  doctor  grasped  the  other  thumb.  This 
simple,  apparently  foolish  treatment  was 
maintained  for  three  minutes.  The  patient 
began   to   show  signs   of  relief.     The   drawn 

339 


SIDE-STEPPING   ILL  HEALTH 

lines  on  her  face  softened.  She  could  bear 
without  shrinking  the  touch  on  her  neck. 

The  doctor  sent  for  a  glass  of  water,  and 
held  it  to  the  patient's  lips.  She  took  a  sip 
of  water,  which  she  swallowed  with  much 
difficulty  and  pain,  —  the  first  drop  in  five 
days. 

"It  is  the  most  delicious  thing  I  ever 
tasted,"  she  whispered. 

She  swallowed  about  a  third  of  a  glass 
upon  her  first  attempt.  The  pressures  were 
continued  intermittently  for  about  an  hour, 
and  within  that  time  she  was  able  to  drink 
four  glasses  of  water  and  a  glass  of  malted 
milk.  A  light  rubber  band  was  placed 
over  her  thumb  joints,  and  she  enjoyed  her 
first  night's  sleep  since  the  inflammation  had 
developed. 

The  next  morning  she  reported  that  she 
was  almost  entirely  relieved.  The  swelling 
was  hardly  perceptible,  and  she  could  bear 
reasonable  pressure  over  the  glands  without 

'       340 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

discomfort.  She  had  no  difficulty  in  swal- 
lowing. In  a  few  days  she  was  fully 
recovered. 

The  theory  that  the  FitzGerald  method 
owes  its  success  to  suggestion  will  not  hold 
water.  In  the  first  place,  it  doesn't  matter 
whether  or  not  the  patient  believes  in  it,  and 
belief  is  an  essential  in  suggestion,  nor  whether 
he  knows  what  the  doctor  is  doing,  —  which, 
if  the  FitzGerald  method  were  some  form  of 
hypnosis,  also  is  indispensable.  Then,  too, 
the  treatment  works  with  the  certainty  of  a 
problem  in  mathematics.  If  the  pressure  is 
not  made  in  the  proper  zone  and  in  the 
proper  way,  and  for  a  sufficient  length  of 
time,  inevitably  the  results  will  be  negative. 

There  doesn't  seem  to  be  any  reasonable 
hypothesis  developed  thus  far  to  explain  the 
FitzGerald  method,  but  the  plain  facts  are 
interesting  scientific  men,  even  if  they  are 
not  ready  to  accept  the  treatment. 

And  so  we  now  understand  why  we  grind 

341 


SIDE-STEPPING  ILL  HEALTH 

our  teeth.  We  do  so  because  the  action 
causes  a  relief  of  nerve  tension,  and  a  dimi- 
nution of  pain  in  all  the  zones  of  the  body 
connected  by  those  invisible  and  as  yet  un- 
discovered nervous  wires  strung  through  the 
telegraph  poles  of  the  teeth. 

When  we  grab  our  bruised  shins  we  check 
the  transmission  of  pain  in  the  irritated  nerve 
trunk  lines  of  that  zone.  When  we  grasp 
the  arm  of  the  dental  chair,  and  hang  on 
like  grim  death,  we  are  unconsciously  going 
through  motions  that,  if  continued  long 
enough,  would  have  made  our  trial  com- 
paratively painless.  The  only  fault  in  our 
preparation  for  the  ordeal  was  that  we  should 
have  started  our  pressure  grip  three  or  four 
minutes  earlier.  But  our  intentions  were 
good. 

When  automatically  we  clinch  our  fists 
in  furious  anger,  we  are  relieving  our  terrific 
nervous  excitation,  and  thereby  perhaps  pre- 
venting   the    bursting    of    a    blood    vessel. 

342 


PUSH  THE  HEALTH  BUTTON 

When  we  clasp  the  hands  of  one  sorely 
stricken  and  in  the  throes  of  despair,  we 
are,  in  addition  to  supplying  him  with  com- 
forting magnetism  and  physical  solace,  pro- 
ducing a  distinctly  analgesic  and  quieting 
effect  upon  his  entire  nervous  system. 

And  when  we  clasp  our  hands  or  press  the 
fingers  tightly  together  in  supplication,  we 
are  ministering  to  overwrought  nerves,  and 
thereby  perhaps  bringing  ourselves  into  closer 
harmony  with  the  great  Cosmic  Force  that 
envelops  us  in  a  mantle  of  kindness  and  love. 


343 


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